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Aug
23

{Our Adoption} Boy or Girl?

It seems like the first question I get from people after I tell them we are adopting…

I know in their minds they think that I will blurt out GIRL {of course}! Let’s be honest, there are quite a number of boys running around this place and most people probably think I’m just DYING for that little girl in my life.

international adoption boy or girl

It’s true. When I was pregnant with P Man, I remember feeling slightly disappointed after our ultrasound confirmed that our baby bean yes, indeed, had male parts. It wasn’t that I really even knew what it meant to have a girl. Or a boy for that matter. But, I just had this vision of ballet and princess parties that suddenly was crushed at that moment.

It didn’t take long for me to shake the disappointment. I remember seeing how excited my husband was that we were getting a boy. I could only imagine what a great feeling for him…to know that he would be able to take his son camping and to baseball games and sporting events.

The thought of seeing the two of them together filled my heart so much that I almost forgot that I had even wanted a girl.

And then…when he finally came in to the world, I suddenly thought to myself, “I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way.

Next came Bents. Yep, another baby with male parts. This time though…it didn’t even phase me that I wasn’t getting a girl.

You see, after suffering 2 miscarriages…the only thing I cared about was being able to birth a healthy child. I didn’t care what their “parts” looked like.

My least favorite baby gender announcement was actually SJ. Not because I wasn’t over-the-moon that he, TOO, had boy parts, BUT…because it seemed like everyone else was more disappointed in the gender than me. I think they all expected that, because I already had 2 boys, I most definitely wanted a girl.

They couldn’t have been more wrong.

There was almost a sense of relief when we found out we were having a third boy. Relief because I know boys. I can do boys. I’m a boy mom pro. I had envisioned three brothers, the best of friends, all running around my house tearing things up left and right. And a part of me smiled on the inside just thinking about that.

And, you see, it’s not that I wouldn’t have been happy if the ultrasound would have shown girl parts. That would have made me smile too. But, I was completely content with the thought of having all boys.

Three brothers. Three buddies. Three best friends. Three blessings.

When God starting putting adoption on my heart it was never about gender. There was never a part of me that thought…”Well, if I can’t have my own little girl then I’ll just adopt one.”

It never crossed my mind.

Our hearts are completely neutral when it comes to gender preference…meaning that, we have no preference.

My husband and I have had conversation after conversation about the pros and cons of BOTH genders and, honestly, we land back in the same place…which is…gender is irrelevant.

50% of me would love to have another boy. I know boys, remember? I have this boy thing down to a science {well sorta}.

50% of me would love to have a girl. We don’t know what it’s like to have a girl so it would be fun to try something new and different.

The bottom line is gender doesn’t matter to us. We aren’t adopting because we have this “need” to fulfill our own wants and dreams. We are adopting because we feel like God has called us to this AND because we want to help a child in need.

The truth is…only God knows if I am suppose to be a girl mom. Only HE knows if I am truly capable of pulling off pig tails and tu-tu’s.

I don’t want to alter God’s plan for me so ultimately I am leaving this in His hands.

So, to answer your question…ARE YOU ADOPTING A BOY OR A GIRL?

We won’t know the gender of our child until we receive our referral! You will be just as surprised as us.

What we do know…is that God already has the perfect child in mind for us…and girl or boy…we will love them just the same!

45 Comments

  1. Jen says:

    Thank you for sharing this post. I know exactly how you feel. Everyone keeps telling us we need a girl. We have already told everyone we are done having children. I get really tired of hearing it bc I too am perfectly content with my boys.
    Jen´s last blog post ..The day a piece of my heart went to Pre K

  2. Melissa K says:

    I love this post! When I was pregnant with Landon, I was so convinced that I was having a girl that I would have bet money on it. I wasn’t disappointed to see some very obvious boy parts during our 20 week ultrasound, but I was really shocked. I had really only been looking at girl bedding, girl clothes, etc. because I was so cure I was having a girl. It took a few days to get into the mindset of having a boy. Now that he’s here I couldn’t imagine anything else. I LOVE having a boy. In fact, I love it so much that I want the next baby to be a boy (my husband wants a girl next. He got his way the first time too lol). I know what it’s like to have a boy, and the idea of 2 brothers running around is so cute to me. Of course we’d be thrilled with a girl and I think the next baby will be our last regardless of gender.

    I love that you’re adopting to help a child in need, and not to get a girl since you don’t have one. You’re absolutely right that gender doesn’t matter :)
    Melissa K´s last blog post ..Parenting Books

    • Mandy says:

      I really feel like so many people “expect” us to say we will be adopting a girl and when we say “we could possibly be getting a boy” they look at me like I am cray-cray! Ha!

  3. Carie says:

    It is amazing what y’all are doing! I know that you would be a great mom regardless of the gender. Also, my niece (& Sis-in-law) is from the Philippines. I say this like I do because my brother met his wife while he was overseas and she already had a 2 year old little girl. However, from the moment we met the little girl she was adopted into the family and we wouldn’t have it any other way. We spoil her just as much as we spoil the other kids and people honestly don’t know that she is not actually blood kin because she IS in our eyes. She may not look as much like us as her little brother does, but I think we are wearing off on her :)

  4. I admire you for writing this and sharing. I think people automatically expect a person to say they want a (insert whatever sex they don’t have). And I also think people look down on people that may want a certain sex. Either way the child is a blessing. As you know I have three boys and one girl. And I would be lying if I didn’t tell you with the fourth I wanted the baby to be a girl so bad I could almost taste it (so to speak). I probably would of been disappointed if she had been a boy simply because having more children is no longer a option for me. I think people assuming you want a girl is wrong cause boys are rad! Just as rad if you had all girls. ;) Praying for y’all and the adoption.
    Lacy Campbell´s last blog post ..Potty Training 101

  5. Erin says:

    I am SO glad I found your blog and that I get to follow along on your adoption journey. I feel like God has called me to adopt also, in the future. I’m glad to have a sneak peek of the journey through your blog. Your boys are absolutely adorable – so handsome! I can’t wait to see what God has in store for you and your family!

    • Mandy says:

      So neat Erin! I am sure that it was no accident that you found my adoption story. ;) Hopefully it will encourage you as you prepare for what your future may look like in adopting! Thanks for reaching out!

  6. What a great post! People are constantly saying to me, “when are you going to try for that baby girl?” And it kind of makes me rage to be totally honest.

    It’s such a hard encounter to deal with too, because my initial response is always, “I would love nothing more than to have a house full of little boys!” But then what if my next child is a girl? Will they think I’m not happy? People are cruel, especially when it comes to the gender of babies. So many people say they don’t find out the sex of their babies because people are so obsessed with it all, but I’m quite the opposite. I actually wish the pregnancy test told you the gender of the baby! Then you would have all the, “Oh, I hope it’s a girl!” Really? The last time I checked it’s not YOUR baby!

    I mean I’m a girl and I love baby girls, but I think as a mom to a baby boy I get rather defensive for the sweet handsome loving little people with “boy parts!”

    Good luck with the home study! It will go great!
    NIna @ AccordingtoNina.com´s last blog post ..Moms On Call Toddler Book Giveaway

    • Mandy says:

      Thanks Nina! I seem to get really defensive too when people start saying “Oh you must get a girl!” I know they mean well….but it’s disheartening to think that they think I MUST get a girl or the adoption is ridiculous. Really?!

  7. Kenzie says:

    I love this post Mandy..

    The heart you and Jeff have behind this adoption is incredible. God has called you to do something big and any way you look at it, any way at all, you are touching lives in this process. All the disappoinment, confusion, impatience.. It will all be so worth it because you guys are literally BUILDING God’s kingdom.

    Your faith is incredible and God’s blessings are so present in your life. You guys just keep doing what you’re doing. God has something so big in store for you, I just know it. :-) Hugs and prayers sent!! Love you!!

  8. Rhenee Berger says:

    I know exactly how you feel …I had 3 boys back to back. I felt like I couldn’t be happy because everybody around me was so upset that I was having another boy. Each child is a unique miracle- an endangered species… once they are gone, there will be nobody else like them! AND God chose ME to have this one-of-a-kind special person!!
    On top of that, my 2nd son inherited an immune disease that we didn’t know of till we had the 3rd boy. I’m on my 5th pregnancy – people STILL made gender a huge deal though our main focus & concern was hoping we didn’t pass along the disease again. And though we will have to deal with this disease for a 3rd time with baby #5 – people are STILL upset that it’s a boy instead of a sister for our little girl.
    I will lift your family up in prayer… whatever “parts” your one-of-a-kind miracle has, it will be just as God wants it… and who knows what we need and will make us truly happy any more than He? Many blessings…

  9. Samantha says:

    Mandy!

    Thank you so much for sharing this post! I completely agree with everything you said about the gender of your adoption. I also believe that what is meant to be, will be. And if God plans for you to have 4 boys or 3 boys and 1 girl then that is what you will have. I think that too many people focus on the gender of a child instead of the fact that each one is a blessing no matter what “parts” they have. Oh and btw, I love reading your blog because you are so transparent on the subjects you write about!

    Hope you have a good day!
    -Samantha (FromSingletoSmittenBlog.wordpress.com)
    Samantha´s last blog post ..Welcome to My Blog!!

  10. JMS says:

    Great post! I felt the same way as you did with baby #1. I wanted a girl (I cried a little) and then to see my husbands face. I wouldn’t have wanted it any other way. I love being a boy momma. (but a girl would be nice too ;-))
    JMS´s last blog post ..If you had a day to yourself…

  11. I agree with you, God has the perfect child in mind for your family! We have a boy and a girl! They are both wonderful!
    Elizabeth
    Elizabeth…PolkaDotSkies´s last blog post ..Ready, Get Set, Go! Start Where You Are.

  12. Amy says:

    Wonderful post. Thanks for writing it. I’m a boy mom too and love it!

  13. becky says:

    what a wonderful post friend. you put it all together so perfectly and said it best… who cares about the “parts”. I think that being blessed with all boys, or all girls, or a mix of both is just that… being blessed.

    xoxo.
    becky´s last blog post ..Life Lately

  14. Mandy says:

    I love this post! People are always surprised when I tell them we’re done having kids, because they are shocked we’re not trying for a boy. Sure, hubs is the last boy in his family, so it looks like the last name with die out with us, but we really don’t care. I’m not pushing my physical, emotional, financial limits just to try for a boy. I love my two girls and feel complete! People are ridiculous!

  15. Amy Dinga says:

    Beautifully said :)

  16. Lauren says:

    I love this! As a mama of two boys I am no stranger to the “are you going to try for a girl?!” questions. I LOVE my boys. Yes, shopping for a girl would be fun and we would be THRILLED if we had a girl, but if we had another boy we would be JUST as happy! I love that you’re allowing this to be a surprise, too! God already knows your child. What an awesome thing!
    Lauren´s last blog post ..Will’s Nursery…

  17. Diane says:

    Beautiful post! No matter if God has chosen a boy or a girl, this adoption and next chapter in your lives will be an adventure all the same. I love your heart and I know you’ll love this baby to the moon and back regardless! Blessings to you as you work through this journey!

  18. PML says:

    I have three girls. I feel the exact same way! I was so happy when we found out number 3 was a girl. I cried! Do I ever want a boy? uh…it’s 50/50 just like you. Glad I am not alone.

  19. Boy or girl, you guys will do an amazing job! You & Jeff are great parents….that is evident by your 3 adorable little boys!! God knows what He is doing & His plan for you is perfect! As long as you know that, then there is nothing to worry about! :)
    Tonya @ Love of Family & Home´s last blog post ..Griffin Turns 2…Thomas The Train Birthday Party

  20. Cheryl says:

    Awesome post!! Again, you are such an amazing girl Mandy Rose :) Your boys are so adorable and you are right. God only knows whats in store. No matter what you will be a great mom to that baby.
    Cheryl´s last blog post ..3 Things I Love

  21. Very well said, as always. You guys will make amazing parents to a child; no matter the gender. I get the ” you need a boy” comments a lot and I just let them roll on by. I never imagined having a girl but I love it and if I have another, I’ll love that child no matter the gender. Just because it’s my kiddo.

  22. Mandy says:

    Couldn’t agree with you more!

  23. Lauren Kelly says:

    New to the blog!! Adoption is a beautiful post and your heart clearly shows through this post!! That boy OR girl is going to be blessed :)

  24. Jen says:

    I still remember every text you sent me with the gender of each of your boys. I especially loved when you found out SJ was a boy, because we had the best laugh :-) No matter what God sends you guys…that kiddo will fit right in with your family. But I’d be lying if I said I wasn’t DYING to know!!!!!
    Jen´s last blog post ..30 Day Challenge: Week 3 Check-In

  25. jamie says:

    New Reader- Great post! Good luck with the adoption.
    jamie´s last blog post ..New Orleans: Second Day There

  26. We are hoping to mail our homestudy history to our agency in the next week or so! Our son wants a brother, our daughter wants a sister – I’m not surprised! We will not be indicating a preference, just waiting for our referral!
    RLR at Mom’s Magic´s last blog post ..Overheard #42 and #43

  27. molly says:

    Thank you for this post! I feel the exact same way about my two boys. Many people have asked me if we will “try” for a girl. I always think that is the most ridiculous sentiment. If we have another baby it is because we want another BABY. Not just a girl. Sometimes I really feel like I was meant to have three boys.
    molly´s last blog post ..Showing Up

  28. Mandy says:

    Thank you Jen! I agree…I might not like my bank account statement so much if I had a girl! I just helped a friend decorate her daughter’s nursery and I wanted to buy EVERYTHING they had for girls in Hobby Lobby.

  29. This is awesome!! Isn’t it funny how just because you have all boys, people just assume you want a girl?? Even after just my 1st son, when people found out we were pregnant with baby #2, one of the most common questions I got was “oh I bet you’re hoping for a girl!” and actually, the truth was I wanted another boy, and for some reason that boggled people’s minds. So I was pretty happy when I found out I was having baby BOY #2. And now I’m constantly getting “oh you have to have another baby, you gotta get your little girl!”. It’s kinda frustrating actually because I don’t really care. God obviously intended for me to have boys and I am so blessed to have them. I wouldn’t have it any other way. So whatever you end up getting through your adoption will be such a blessing!! I love your outlook on this!
    Mandy@ a sorta fairytale´s last blog post ..the happiest baby on the block.

  30. Allison says:

    I was browsing Pinterest for little boy room ideas and found your blog which led me to your Adoption tab! I feel like I have FINALLY found some mamas that have dealt with the question…”Are you gonna try for a girl?” I am so content with my two boys! Age 2 and 4 right now is awesome and totally kicking my tail! God has truly blessed us and I don’t know if my future children will be biological or adopted, I just wanna hear from Him! Blessings to you all and I love this blog!

  31. Katie says:

    I just found your blog and love it!!!! I’m expecting a baby boy and I feel so upset sometimes that people come to me and tell me that boy are too much work, that they are too hiper, that they dont have to dress up too much, it takes so little, and blablabla!!! So many people see in a negative way and i think this is stupid!! Boys are so cute and we are so happy to have a baby boy on the way who will be the first boy in my family since is all about girls and they are supr happy too, but some friends and other people look at being sorry because I’m not having a girl. God is the one who choose the gender and bless us with health kids. Girl or boy either way is a blessing and I dont think it matters for a mother, we love them anyways!!!

  32. Jill says:

    Love this! I am also a mom of 3 boys and would love to adopt. The gender question is always big (to others) and I would truly love to have a fourth boy or 1st girl. Some people think that is shocking. You phrased it well. Godspeed baby #4 to his/her forever home!

  33. kelly says:

    I don’t understand when people adopt because God told them to h-e-l-p the child in need. The desire to adopt a child should be the first in my mind. Adoption should not be a charity. There are other ways to charities and “help”.

    • Mandy says:

      No one said God told me to “help a child in need”. God placed adoption on my heart. I think that for a lot of people it is definitely something that God places on peoples hearts. I would never look as adoption as a charity. That was never mentioned. Nor would I ever say that.

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