It was the night before The Life Insurance Movement and my husband had not even written his post yet for the next day. Yes, he loves to do things last minute. I already envisioned that Tuesday night he would be glued to the computer tying up loose ends to make this movement the most successful one yet.
What I didn’t expect?
That he would walk in to the living room, sit next to me on the couch, and say…
“Babe, what would you like to see me do more of as your spiritual leader?”
It caught me off guard, to say the least. I truly thought he was sitting down next to me to start talking shop {blog shop}. Or to ask me to come up with something funny that he could tweet {yes, he consoles me for funny tweets occasionally}. Or possibly to grope me in some I-know-I-don’t-have-time-tonight-but-I-still-want-to-try-and-make-out-with-you-and-grab-your-booty-on-the-couch kind of way.
But, nope. He sat down next to me to talk about “Godly” things??? On the night before The Life Insurance Movement?
Whoa. I was impressed.
{Can he get a round of applause please?}
But, my response? A blank stare.
Nothing particular came to mind when he asked me that question. And then I thought to myself, “Wow, have I really NEVER thought about what I would like to see my husband do as a spiritual leader of our family?”
I guess I hadn’t. I mean, up until this night, I thought everything he was already doing seemed sufficient.
But, when a man is offering more {of anything} you should definitely take him up on it. Unless he’s offering you more dirty laundry. If that’s the case…say no.
More diamonds, yes. More cuddles, yes. More diaper changing duty, yes. So…more spiritual leadership should be no different.
I set out on a mission to give him my answer…
1. Consistently Lead Us In “Family Prayer Time”
We are pretty hit and miss when it comes to family prayer time. It’s on our calendar to do it every Monday evening at 8:00 pm. I would say we end up following through about 1 out of 5 times.
I am still terrified to pray out loud. Like it scares the be-Jesus out of me. Literally. I will absolutely NEVER be the one to suggest family prayer time because I am too afraid someone {a kid} may ask me to pray and it might send me in to a full on panic attack…sweaty pits and all.
I need led in this.
2. Strive To Have A Gentle Tone In His Words
There are times when I want to drag my kids by their shirt collars {on the rare occasion they may be wearing a shirt}, put them in my front yard, and put a sign next to them that says “FREE”. It might not sound “Godly” or “Pretty”, but it’s true.
They challenge me. But, I love them. And in all reality…if someone were to even think about stopping by to pick up one of my free treasures I would go all mama-bear on them. Kung-fu style.
I know, as a father, it’s easy to get frustrated when your kids are misbehaving. It’s easy to raise your voice {because, let’s face it, kids respond to dad’s deep tone}. But, I don’t want our kids to be “scared” in to behaving. I want them to respect. I want them to be shown grace and mercy.
No, I am not saying I want them to walk all over us. What I am saying? Children hang on to every word that you speak to them. It’s important to not overreact or get out of line. I lack in this area. I am constantly raising my voice or yelling at one of them. And when my voice raising doesn’t work…I turn straight to my husband for back up.
“Gentle tone” is not in my vocabulary at times.
I need led in this.
3. The Courage To Be Bold
I didn’t grow up studying the Bible or attending church every Sunday. In fact, I have YET to read the Bible from front to back. Sometimes I feel disqualified from being able to talk about my faith because I feel uneducated. Or not smart enough.
When I see my husband talk about God with confidence, it rubs off on me. I love his boldness, but I find myself hiding when Christian conversations come about. What if someone asks me, “Oh, remember the part in the Bible where John says….” Will I just nod and pretend I know that part? You know, the part I have never read.
I need the courage to be bold. I need more faith. The best way for me to be led? By example.
While my husband doesn’t realize this…when I see him raise his hands during worship…I instantly feel comfort. I feel more confident. I feel less worried about what people were thinking of me the 5 minutes prior while I was raising my hands.
His boldness is contagious. I need more boldness.
I need led in this.
{And clearly I need the encouragement to be in my Bible more.}
If we aren’t the ones influencing our children…someone will be. I don’t want to take that chance.
With P starting Kindergarten it’s even more important now. He will be surrounded by all different kinds of people. I want to make sure that he grows up knowing that Jesus is the center of his life. Not football. Or Baseball. Or his girlfriend.
Jesus.
I want all of my kids to understand that. The responsibility is on “us’ as parents to teach them and I need to be held accountable for that.
The best part of me wanting to “be led” is that I have someone who is willing to lead me. For that, I am blessed.
What about you? What things do you desire from your husband as the spiritual leader of your home?
Deuteronomy 6:6-7 – And these words that I command you today shall be on your heart. You shall teach them diligently to your children, and shall talk of them when you sit in your house, and when you walk by the way, and when you lie down, and when you rise.
Like you I have never really thought about what I want my husband to do as our spiritual leader but this really has me thinking and I can’t wait to talk to my husband. I have a lot of the same insecurities about my faith as you do and I hope this might help! Thanks for writing this!!! =)
Thanks for your comment! Just hearing that I am not the only one with these insecurities is so helpful!
That is wonderful that your hubby asked you that! I am in the awkward situation of my husband not being a Christian and I am. Most the time we just don’t talk about God and Jesus at all. But it hurts my heart that we can’t share in the word together.
I actually have several friends in the same situation and I have seen so many of their husbands finally give their lives to Jesus! Keep praying! God will answer your prayers when the time is right!
What happens if they choose another faith…? Or no faith at all…?
@ Nikki
As a father that strives to continue to grown in my faith, I can’t tell you that I wouldn’t be disappointed. That’s a tough pill to swallow.
But I love kids, no matter what. All I can do is show love and support and convey to them what Jesus has done in my life.
Love this post. It is so truthful for a lot of people. You are so lucky to have your husband to want to lead you where ever you want to be spiritually. I think he sees that prayer anxiety in you so he brings it up to you because he thinks maybe you wouldn’t bring something up even if you were hoping for it. You two are so inspirational with the passion that you put forth for things.
Thank you mama! I really need to get over this fear of praying and I think you are right…the more he encourages me the easier it will become!
wow..you are speaking to me! I understand how you feel about not feeling qualified to talk about your faith. I go through the same thing. And I would love for my husband to be more of a spiritual leader in our family. I love your blog and I am hooked! I too am a mother of all boys. You speak my language 😉
Thanks for commenting Felicita! Isn’t it so hard to be completely on fire for God, but then feel so inadequate in your understanding of the Bible that it shy’s you away from talking about it? UGH! I really need to be reading my Bible more! 🙂
Thanks so much for sharing this post. This is something that has been weighing on my heart. I am pretty much the spiritual leader in my house. My husband was raised Catholic. They went to church every Sunday and every holiday. I was brought up Baptist but learned from my grandparents, not my parents. I went to church occasionally. Your #3 is me to a T. But my husband is the one who shies away from religion. He mentions God every now and then. Catholics are not taught to read the Bible. They get their hour in on Sundays and that’s it. I’ve tried to get him to be more spiritually open but we go one step forward and two steps back. I’m just praying God will continue to work on his heart and make him more open. God Bless Jeff Rose!
Hey girl! I am so glad that you can relate! I think you are doing the right thing by continuing to pray that he will step up. I have several friends who have been praying for their husbands to become the spiritual leaders and I have watched them transform their lives! Keep praying and when His timing is right…it will be!
I am Catholic, joining in my 20’s but my husband and thier family have been Catholic life long. I’d like to point out that what you say above is sterotyping and not true. It’s just like anything else, it is the parents that teach thier children how to practice thier faith and then the adult that choses how he deep into thier faith they want to be. My husband sets aside time to read his bible and pray everyday, we pray with our children at least twice a day. Catholics have multiple holy days throughout the year and are at church for more than “just our hour on Sundays”, just FYI.
I don’t think I commented on any particular religion so I am not sure what you are referring to?
This post took me back to the sermon given at our wedding. The family friend who gave it talked about supporting my husband as a leader. At the time, I was a bit offended by it. I’ve always been a self-sufficient person, I can lead with the best of them. But perhaps this is what he meant instead.
Your three bullets are three things that definitely should be prioritized in our house too. Thanks for giving me something to think, pray and talk about!
I thought the same thing for soooo LONG! Like, why do I need someone to lead me?? It has taken me 32 years to “get it”. 🙂
Oh my goodness!! 2 thumbs up!!! Holla!!! Our service this past weekend was on Deut. 6:4-7 on how God should be the MOST important thing in our lives/kids lives…and it is our goal to teach them that. It is ok for sports, friends, girlfriends, school but we have to have priorities and HE is #1!
I am the same way about having boldness. I wish I could walk up to someone and ask them how they are doing in their walk or ask them if they know the FANTASTIC news that the Father is risen..but when I start to I get timid! NOT me…
As I read all of the other post it seems we are all on the same page…we need encouragement!
WE (fellow bloggers) should join forces and lift each other up! Hold accountable! I sure need it!
Thanks for reaching out! I am right there with ya! It’s so hard for me to talk to people about!
Great post!
I didn’t grow up going to church either, and I haven’t read much of the Bible at all. I didn’t even know the Lord’s prayer until my husband made reciting it part of Landon’s bedtime routine. My husband is the son of a pastor, and his mom works in a church, so religion has always been a huge part of his life. He had no issues with the fact that it wasn’t a huge part of my life growing up as long as I was OK with it being part of our lives now, which I am. He’s basically taught me everything I know regarding religion (along with the pastor at the church we go to now) so if he ever asked me what I needed him to do as the spiritual leader of our family, I’d say “everything!” lol 🙂
I think God knew that he needed to place us with husbands who could lead us in our spiritual lives! I know, for me, if it weren’t for Jeff…I would have never given my life to Jesus!
I agree 100%
My husband is named Jeff too 🙂
Wow Mandy – what a great post! I am just like you in #3 – I didn’t grow up going to church with my family. In fact, my mom is Buddhist. So going to church and finding Jesus was something I sought out on my own. Through friends and being with the right groups and leaders in college – otherwise I would still be lost! I haven’t read the Bible much either, but when I do I feel empowered by the Word. I need to be led in this too. Thank you for always being open, truthful, genuine in your writing.
Thank you for your encouragement and it’s so good to hear that I am not the only one who needs to be led! We need to both commit to reading the Bible! I need a partner! 🙂
Great post!! I am so glad my husband is the head of religion here. I am a tad more laid back in our approach aka sometimes skip rosary when he is out of town. When he is home we are strict and on schedule and I love it! I cannot wait for my boys to grow their faith following their father! Your husband sounds wonderful!!! Faith is so important and I love that you guys are a faith filled family! Makes me love you guys even more! xo
Sounds like you have a wonderful leader in your household as well!
That’s so awesome that he asked you that! I need to pray that my husband steps up as spritual leader and that God will put the desire in his heart to go to church. If I keep talking about it and praying about it he might surprise me right?
Absolutely! I have watched so many of my friends pray for their husbands in this same area and I have witnessed MANY of them become the spiritual leaders they were praying for! Keep praying!
Well, well, well…..yesterday was such a faith day for ya! ;0) I enjoy knowing that Ralph is always gonna do certain things and that encourages me to do what I should. He is always gonna read his Daily Bread in the morning before work, always pray with Alex at night and before we go to bed every night and attend church. It pushes me to take that time and reconnect with the Lord. We have decided to read the Bible together again…..but not at the same if that makes sense. I like to read and stop and research and read again and I read a tad faster..it drives him batty so he will read at his pace and we will talk about it. I am excited to do it together. Im sure there is more to add to this but I should be getting dressed for crossfit. LOL!!
That’s great! I didn’t know Ralph was reading the Bible with you. Jeff started the one year Bible, but I have YET to start reading! Stay on me!
GREAT post, and extra kudos to your husband for stepping up as the Spiritual Leader and asking what you need from him. That’s so out of character for most males, it takes a special heart and the nudge of Jesus 😉
As for Det. 6. There’s an ENTIRE Christian Family Conference based around those verses. It’s called D6 and is in Dallas, TX every year. They have great resources for helping the parents be the spiritual teachers of children, not the church, nor the Sunday School teachers, or any other outside influence. And also, they posted a great quote on FB a little bit ago “When mom and dad start Worshipping the exhalted Christ, 2nd Graders, and High School Seniors are going to start doing it, too!” It always starts at home. Thanks for the encouragement and the transparency on your blog!!
So great! I have more recently been in prayer about God leading me to my future husband and having him be a strong spiritual leader for our future home and family. It’s such an exciting thought to think about and I’m glad you’re experiencing that in your home now 🙂
First off, I’d like to commend your hubby for coming to you and asking how he can better serve you as the family’s spiritual leader. That’s beautiful!
I was raised in a home where we had daily family devotionals as well as family prayer time. I think if you are really committed to opening your heart to Jesus, you need to make prayer time a regular occasion rather than a once a week appt. It would also make it that much easier for it to become part of your regular routine if its something that becomes a real routine instead of scheduled weekly and you probably won’t “miss” out on doing it. Hope that makes sense! And, please do not feel any less confident because you have not read the bible cover to cover. Many others haven’t either! They just don’t admit it! Ha!
A helpful suggestion is that you might want to start out by getting yourself a mommy themed or regular women’s devotional to read each morning or whenever you have that quiet time to yourself. I think I read once that you take all your kids to a daycare, (or maybe just the baby stays at home with you?) , so maybe after the daycare drop off or whenever the little one is sleeping, you can find that special time for you. Whatever works best for YOU is the most important part! You have already taken the first step by opening your heart to the Lord’s word. Everything else will come in time. Thank you so much for sharing your godly heart.
Oops! I forgot to add that perhaps you can look into signing up for a womens bible study at your church. You will then have others to help you be accountable and encourage you in reading the bible. Does your church have a womens ministry?
I’ve been a long-time reader, but have never commented. This post was awesome! The things you asked for were perfect and what every family needs! I’m still growing in my Christianity as well, so it’s nice to see I’m not alone in the areas I need to work on! Thanks for such a great post!
Thanks for stepping out and commenting! It is nice to know that we are not alone in our feelings. I have so many things that I need to work on…but I feel like the more I grow the more I want to grow MORE?? Does that make sense? So glad you can relate!
I actually became part of a bible study a while back called BSF (bible study fellowship)… they are all over the world and aren’t designated to any one particular religion/church/denomination… they study the bible. Period.
They are in almost every major city… maybe look them up? It was an incredible study for me and I learned a ton!
I love the scripture you put at the end of that post! That’s really what it’s all about isn’t it. You made me cry! Love your blog!
Mandy, love this post! Have you and Jeff ever tried a couples devotional? My husband and I started doing a daily one a couple years ago and it really prompted us to start praying for one another (out loud) after we finished the devotion. I think the first one we used was called 15 minute devotionals for couples or something like that.
I am a new follower, and I love this post(blog!) This really got me thinking about my husband, and what I would like to see him do as the Leader of our Family! I am in your same situation where I don’t know the Bible front-to-back, and often times get intimidated by those who know more. But, I am a believer in that is how we learn! We are all Children of God, and all on the same journey–to learn more about His word! Love that your Hubby initiated the conversation!
Thanks you for sharing this. I relate to so much of what you have said. Especially about not feeling educated enough to talk about religion, God, or the Bible. I will definitely be sharing this with my husband.
I am TOTALLY afraid of praying out loud too! I just blogged about it last week actually – nice to hear it from another person. 🙂
This is a great post Mandy. Above Ashley said to find a regular women’s devotional to read each morning or whenever you have that quiet time to yourself. She Reads Truth would be great. I have gotten a little behind, but I will be catching up this weekend. It involves reading a chapter a day and it is so easy. You can go into as much depth with it as you want. I just write a prayer before I read the day’s chapter and then I answer the questions that are posted on the site. As I am answering I look back on the chapter and read it again, and then think of what God is telling me through this chapter. I end by writing another prayer asking God to help me with what the chapter focused on. God bless your family.
Mandy great post! I love that Jeff is seeking out ways to lead his family. What a great witness and example to your boys!! I think we all struggle in some areas of our faith, I urge you not to shy away from christian conversation, just because you are not feeling adequate in the word. There are many times someone has asked me so where in the bible is ……. and I just answer them honestly I don’t know but I better look that up haha!! My pastor always says that living your life as a witness is way more effective then being able to quote scripture. People are generally more interested in seeing what God has done then listening to it. (Does that make sense)?? Especially when you are talking with someone who is not a believer. They don’t view the Bible the way we do “as the word of God or a book to live by” they just see it as a book, so living it out day in and day out will reach the lost faster then anything!! Anyway enough rambling haha great post loving your blog posts lately!
angie
P.S. Why don’t we hang out more…our kiddos would love that and I could see great conversation happening lol.. 🙂
Mandy,
Great post! Love you guys so much. So proud of the way you are so transparent and how much you are growing spiritually. Thanks for sharing your life.
Thank you Malina! Whether you realize this or not…I wouldn’t be where I am at without your guidance! Truly LOVE you to pieces! You are such a great example for me!
Favorite topic so far. I’ve had to think a while on this one. Going to be “transparent” if I may use a cultural word from my church. Many conversations have been discussed (initiated by myself) regarding spiritual leadership in our home. I have historically been the spiritual leader, but I believe we are beginning a transition phase where my husband is starting to take ownership. I love the 3 areas you highlighted. The Holy Spirit has of late been showing me the biggest problem in our house is me. I at times have been a bit of a spiritual “bully” over the years I’m afraid. Demanding certain results and progress from my husband, when my best effort is to shut my mouth and pray. If I am on my knees, then Jesus is able to work freely in my husband. Ha! Not exactly how I’m wired, but I’m working at it. He told me (sincerely) just this week,”you know if I’m to be the leader of this family you have to put me number 2 in your life, and right now you’re not treating me like that. ” Bam. Hit me right in the face! But so true! I nodded, smiled, and walked away thinking lead on baby! Lead on!
Loved this response Amy! Sometimes it’s so easy for me to point fingers at my husband and say “You don’t do this or you’re not good enough at this”…but I completely agree with you when you say, “If I would just shut my mouth and pray”. Thank you for that reminder because I rarely shut my mouth…and my first response is not to pray about it. LOL! I am glad that your hubby is taking the lead in your home. I have so much respect for men who don’t start out as the leaders of their family, but…by faith and grace, step up to the plate! Really cool to hear! “Lead on!” My favorite line!
This is my favorite post that I’ve read from any blogger in a long time. I sent it to my husband and to the other ladies in my Bible study because we often talk about this. My husband always said that I want him to be the spiritual leader in the family, but I never tell him how to do that.
I love the points you make!
Thanks so much Jennifer! I truly appreciate your nice words! I sometimes expect my husband to read my mind and to be this “perfect” man. I tend to forget that he needs direction and for me to tell him what I need from him.
Wow! It’s really awesome to see a well put together blog with AMAZING home decor how to’s, inspiration, recipes, and honest ‘here’s what God is teaching us’ posts! A real encouragement to browse here! Thanks for posting, and God bless you and your family in your adoption endeavors and beyond!
Thank you so much! Truly appreciate the nice words! I love the encouragement…so uplifting! XOXO
Umm…..I totally started to cry while I was reading this. I love your candidness and the sweet spirit this post was written in.
Mandy,
What a great spirit you have! I can feel your passion, and the dedication you have for, Our Savior, your love, and resepct, you have for your Husband,and your support of him, as the Head of your home, and, the Spiritual leader/partner for you, and your boys. I know that it is important for you to make your home a place where the people that you love, and care about most, will feel a sense of relief, from the pressures of the outside world. That when they come through the door they know they are Loved unconditionaly, safe, and HOME! Protected from the negative images, words, and hurts of the world. The things that we as Mother’s would do anything to try and spare them of.
I don’t even know you.
I stumbled upon your blog by accident (maybe no accident?). I do not consider myself a religous person, but a very spiritual person. I grew up in a very religous family, and attended Church every Sunday. I was very involved in the church community. I have a very strong tesitmony of Our Father in Heaven, and his Son Jesus Christ. I believe in the teachings, of the Bible, and live my life, by those teachings. My Point being…. finally. Your insecurity about Praying out loud, and talking about what you believe in, and what you know to be true. All of that fear and anxiety,and insecurity is YOU being afraid of what others think! WHO CARES!!!!!!! When you pray….. I Know you are praying from your heart, and I don’t even know you! Prayer is a conversation, “say what you mean, and mean what you say (one of my fav sayings to my kido’s) Your sincerness will be heard by everyone who is not judging you. The others, the ones that judge, it doesn’t matter, your not talking to them. You don’t need to quote verse and chapter, the way you live your life the example you are to others will have them asking you, Why are you so happy?
Oh My Gosh! I need to get back to work. Thank you for making me pause, and reflect this am. I have not ben to church in a long time….30+ years. But I have a very strong belief and Faith, my church is everywhere, in the everyday things that I am, so grateful for, and the people that I come in contact with. This morning finding your blog, and re-evaluating, and prioritizing what is improtant for me to do today, to show my gratitude and love to everyone I come in contact with. Including you!
Sincerly
Jen
Hi Jen! Sorry for the delayed response. I really meant to respond to this as soon as I got it. I am thankful for your comment and I appreciate the encouragement (especially in praying). I am glad that this post made you stop and reflect on being positive for the day. I hope you know that you, in turn, made me smile by leaving such a thoughtful comment! Job well done!
This post actually brought a tear to my eye. It really helped me understand the role of the husband as a leader of a family.
I pray for a husband that will unashamedly lift his hands in worship and lead our family in prayer. I don’t, however, pray this prayer constantly. I’m not altogether sure I’m ready to get married. 😉
Thank you for this.
What if my wife, unlike you, did grow up very spiritual, going to Christian schools all up through college, knows the Bible front and back, challenges me to lead when I know she is superior in that area of our lives? How can I ever measure up and meet her needs?
Mandy,
I just found your blog today, and I was super excited to know that your family strives to follow Jesus. I’m currently in college and I have no idea what my future looks like, but one of my professors recently talked about adoption and what it means to allow God to work in your life through such a beautiful thing. I admire you and your husband, and your children, for being so courageous. If I was 7, I’d say I want to be like you when I grow up. Actually, I’d say that now, when I’m 21. I am absolutely praying for you.
Lexi
Hi Lexi! Thank you so much! It sounds like you are a wonderful person and you have so much to look forward to! I truly appreciate your prayers!
Beautifully written! I’m not a big “out loud” kinda person either – with my faith…I just “am”.
However, I do know what the power of “out loud” can do for your marriage.My husband and I were having a pretty challenging discussion. I don’t know what possessed me to do this, but I stopped mid-sentence, got on my knees, and just asked him to pray with me. I had never done that before – never in 30 years together! It made all the difference in the world.
Hiya, I am pretty new to your blog, I know this is kinda an old post, but I noticed that you mentioned previously you were baptized at the age of 31. Were you a Christian before this? I am marrying the love of my life in June and I want to become part of his church and I was wandering if you have any advice? I have been reading the bible etc but again, I still need direction…. It would be great if you could get back to me?
Sending lots of love & blessings x
Hi! I believed before I was baptized, but wasn’t a “follower of Jesus” yet. I would suggest finding a local church that you both love!
I felt compelled to write this to you after you mentioned never reading the Bible in its entirety. Be prepared for what you think you know about the Bible, and following Christ, to be turned upside down and shock you to your core when you read it cover to cover. I hope that in the near future you can find some time to at lease read the New Testament, although I am afraid you might be disappointed with the precepts of many churches after you finish the journey. When I was a freshman in college, I decided that although I had always considered myself a Christian, I knew shockingly little about what that meant. I went to my church group, I led Sunday school class, I even went on mission trips, but never had read Christ’s words. I set out to read the Bible in a year, and after I finished, the words of Christ truly changed my life, not in the way I expected. Christ does not mince words, there is nothing to misunderstand, and you do not need someone to analyze or decipher His message for you. It shocked me to see people, churches, and organizations manipulate Jesus’s words into the shallow “good news” Bible in which Christ wants good things to happen in your life. Jesus promises eternal peace, not a comfortable existence on Earth, and the hypocrisy in which many Christians live their lives might lead to big changes in your life.
I love this post! I am slowly reading all of your old posts and just love them. I have two boys so I love reading about your adventures as a boy mom. I also noticed your family’s love for under armour. My husband shares that love.