I’m mad at myself for even talking about this publicly because goodness gracious y’all…do you know how much controversy this little red suited stuffed toy gets?
A lot.
A lot a lot.
This year I’m feeling very torn about this tradition.
In years past I have enjoyed taking part in The Elf on The Shelf. But I have also been burdened by this crazy little elf on more occasions than I can count.
By the way…
Cracking up that my husband rearranged my “B E L I E V E” decor so that it said “B E E V I L” and I didn’t even notice until I was editing the images. LOL! What a funny guy he is. <<clears throat>>
I hear from some parents who RAVE about The Elf on the Shelf and then some parents who would rather cancel Christmas then to have to deal with the it.
There are some who are enjoying the magic of watching their children excited to see where the elf lands in the morning and some who are in need of stress medication because the thought of coming up with yet ANOTHER hiding place for this dang elf overwhelms their soul.
There are some who don’t think we should be lying to our children about such magic (because lying about Santa is enough) and some who believe that their children behave better when the elf is watching.
For me?
I’m in between. And let me state this very clearly before I go on:
No matter which side of the fence you are on about this controversial Christmas tradition: whether it be Team Elf or Team No Elf …. Team Santa or Team No Santa —> I do not judge you.
You do what you feel is right for your family. And if it brings you joy and you love being a part of it? Do it.
If it makes you crazy or you believe that it takes away from the true meaning of Christmas? Then don’t do it.
But please don’t judge me either. Just because these are my thoughts…does not mean they are yours. And that is ok. Because we are all at different places in our lives and in our faith.
In other words, you can disagree with me…but do it nicely.
Ok, phew.
Now that that’s clear. Ahem.
We started this tradition five years ago when we had one child. I absolutely loved everything about it. The book, the story, the magic, the way my child’s face lit up when he saw “Sophie”.
He was only two years old at the time and nearly too young to remember if the elf had moved positions each night. There were nights we forgot to move him and he never noticed.
He still woke up smiling because he saw the elf.
Then came child #2. And I suddenly had this grand idea that every child needs their OWN elf. So I bought ANOTHER Elf on the Shelf. Yea, I did that. Remember?
**Luckily, I wised up by child #3.
I suddenly became exhausted with all of the ideas that were out there about how to hide the elf. Some parents were so creative with it. And me? Heck, I was lucky to remember the elf even existed and caught myself on MANY occasions scrambling for an excuse on why our elves were stationary.
Not to mention that our children were obsessed with wanting to touch their elves. Which is highly against all elf rules in the book of elf magic. Wherever that book is.
What was once a joyful, magical, happy event each morning became a crying, tantrum throwing, mad at the world event. Why? Because my kids don’t fully understand magic.
And maybe I’m crazy here y’all…but magic still boggles my adult mind as well so I don’t blame them.
The whole “You can’t touch your elf or he will lose his magic” explanation? Meant absolutely nothing to my children.
All they understand is that their little brains wanted to give their elves big wet kisses and giant bear hugs. They would cry their eyes out for hours on end because they could not hold their elves or sleep with their elves or show their elves how they brush their teeth.
I remember looking at my husband one night and saying, “I thought the whole idea behind this elf thing was they were supposed to be encouraging our children to behave. Do you see our kids right now? Flailing on the floor like they might need CPR if I don’t hand over the elves?”
He nodded. And then he walked over to the mantle and handed each kid their elf.
And I know what you are thinking. You’re thinking…oh you just give your kids want they want every time they throw a fit?
No. We definitely DO NOT do that. Trust me.
But when it comes to things like this…things that are meant to be joyful? I can’t sit back and watch my kids go through the opposite effect…
I like to call those moments joy-suckers. I forbid joy-sucker moments in our home.
Which is also why I rearranged the letters to say “B E L I E V E” again and then told my husband he was in time-out.
It doesn’t matter to me whether my kids touch the elf or not. It doesn’t matter to me whether these elves have magic or have no magic.
I get that some parents have better behaved children because the elf is watching, but the “being well behaved because the elf is watching” thing wasn’t a form of discipline that worked for us.
So this year when it was time for the elves to return…I was conflicted.
Do we bring the elves back and just do what we did last year and let them touch them? They were totally fine with the fact that their elves didn’t have magic last year. They didn’t cry one tear when they woke up and noticed that Sophie and Ollie Pop were still on the same pillow, in the same position as the night before, sleeping next to them.
Or will we risk that our kids will tell their friends they get to touch their elves and ruin every other kids Christmas tradition??
I want my kids to enjoy Christmas and the magic behind Santa and everything that goes with it. But most of all…I want my kids to understand that their behavior should not be dependent on whether some fictional made up idol is watching or not watching .
Sure, I’ve used that line many times.
I actually just told my youngest at church last Sunday, “Now remember, you need to stay on the ‘good list’ or Santa won’t bring you presents.” Ironic that I was at church using this excuse that I hardly believe in.
I’m guilty of using whatever I can to get them to behave in the moment. But when I sit back and really think about the lessons I want my kids to learn about Christmas…it doesn’t involve making sure their behavior is based on pleasing Santa. Or some silly elf.
I want their behavior to be pleasing to Jesus. I want them to know that the ultimate gift is grace and that even when they make bad choices…Jesus will forgive.
Which beats the heck out of Santa who apparently will send them coal instead of Tonka trucks.
When I think of it that way then I don’t get so frazzled about doing our own version of Elf on the Shelf.
There are many things about Christmas that should be magical. For our family each part of the holiday is a symbol of something.
Santa and giving gifts represent the spirit of giving just like God gave us the gift of Jesus.
The Christmas tree is a symbol and remembrance of what Jesus did on the cross (which is called a tree).
The bright star at the top of the tree represents the star that was above Jesus at his birth.
All of the lights and ornaments symbolize the glory and wonder of what Jesus did for us on the cross.
The nativity scene shows us an image of the birth of Jesus.
And whether or not you engage or don’t engage in any of these traditions does not make you a good parent or bad parent. It is simply an expression of the family values that you believe in.
Someday soon our children will no longer believe in Santa or The Elf on the Shelf, but my hope is that the symbolism we create in our home during Christmas will become lasting beliefs in faith and eternal life.
I think if you instill in children the “reason for the season”, and teach your children about Jesus all year long then the whole Santa thing is harmless. I personally, try not to say that you must behave because Santa is watching. Instead, I say, when you behave badly JESUS is watching.
There is no harm in Santa. It is childhood fantasy that I don’t believe a child should be denied. I love watching Christmas through the eyes of a child. It is beautiful.
The Elf, he is just creepy to me. It looks like a Rice Krispi guy in a red suit…lol. But, I do it. Pinterest has hundreds of ideas. If your kids want to touch it or hold it. LET THEM!!!! I would never get so upset over a stuffed Rice Krispi elf. It’s whatever works for your family.
Enjoy this time. Make memories. Keep the birth of Jesus first and never forget to watch Christmas through the eyes of your boys. If they want to hold the Elf…Let them.
Merry CHRISTmas Mandy.
I totally understand how you’re torn. We, like you guys celebrate Christmas for Christian values and secular (?? is that the right word i’m looking for?) reasons. I love Santa, I love that it brings out the innocence in children and the magic of it all. We don’t have an Elf yet and I’m on the fence about it. More of me is telling me to not get into it but part of me thinks it could be fun. Like you I don’t want my daughter to change her behaviour for an elf which is part of my struggle with the whole thing (then why bother?…if not for bribery if being honest haha). Now that she’s getting older (2.5) I’m really trying ti put the focus on the specialness of the season (church, family, traditions big and small) and less focus on gifts and ”stuff”. It is a really difficult thing to manage in todays age but all we can do is try I guess.
OH I should add- growing up we had a beutiful nativity scene that we’d set up and my mom would hold onto baby Jesus until Christmas eve then she’d give it to my sister and I to place in his manger. Throughout the season she’d remind us about said nativity scene and that we’d have to be good if we wanted baby Jesus to arrive and for us to be apart of placing him (in our scene), I have distinct memories as a child of me changing attitude, behaviour based on these comments.
My mom use to do the same thing. Baby Jesus would not go in the manger until Christmas Eve.
My son only just joined Team Santa where he can now share the magic for others. I have milked that whole
Santa thing fior 11 years. We selected our deciorations and put them in baskets and the elves would magically decorate and leave a new ornament. They sent snowman poo as a gift (marshmellows) then santa would come. Never used the whole.. Be good. Never threatened he wouldn’t come .., or course he would. He is santa. Last year we added the elf. Skipped the book. The elf was bad. He was naughty and couldnt live at the pole.. Santa sent him to be cared for by my son … Who is always so good… To keep him out of the way. Everyday he did something naughty. It was fun. Pure fun..
I dont really know when the elf thing started, and im not doing it with my kids. Its hard enough these days to get the REAL meaning of christmas across and i think another secular/pretend tradition would make it even harder. But it is still fun to do a daily christmas thing with them, we choose to read them the story of Jesus’ birth each night before bed along with a page in our christmas countdown book. You dont have to do something just because its on pintetest, and youd be surprised at how magical christmas can be for kids for the right reasons.
We don’t have the elf on the shelf tradition over here. In fact, this is the first I’ve ever heard of it. We mainly do advent calendars over here, which seems a whole lot easier, to be honest.
You will get no judgement from me. I didn’t even know about elf on the shelf until last year. My youngest just turned 13 though so we are a little past that I suppose. He is my third and learned at a much younger age that his mom and dad were Santa and the Tooth Fairy. Now when he loses a tooth, he hands me the tooth and I hand him a dollar. Ha!
We love our elf! He doesn’t do anything but move around and my kids think it’s a riot trying to find him. I’m so over the whole “controversy” of the elf. People can either do it or not, it shouldn’t be judged! Really great post!
I love this post. I’m a “newer” parent to two boys and I love your perspective.
Elf on the Shelf didn’t become a “thing” until my daughter was already past that age, but I was so bummed to have missed it! Sounds so fun, but I can totally see where it could turn into a burden trying to remember to move it each night & coming up w/ new & unique things for him to be doing. I would totally have let her touch him if not doing so was causing her angst (I didn’t realize that was a rule), & I can see where it might cause issues for lots of kids. I’m w/ you – it’s supposed to be a fun experience; if it’s not, then don’t do it.
I never knew about the little elf until last year. I wish he was around when my kids were young. (Maybe he was and I just did not know it). I think I could have put him to good use! Very cute and a great post too. I think it is all in good fun as long as our children know the real reason for the season. The elf is a cute and fun way to get them excited for Christmas.
We do Santa here on the prairie but the Elf is just something I’m not about. I agree with you and feel that our kids need to be good all year round because it is what we ask of them, not because they won’t get gifts. We also don’t really do the Santa naughty or nice thing either, just the fun of the story and magic. They also have down pat the true reason of Christmas, celebrating the gift of Jesus. One of their favorite parts of Christmas is when we pull out the Fisher Price Nativity set and they can play and reenact the first Christmas story…plus lets be honest…I can barely keep things under control now. The last thing I need to do is be creative with an Elf!
I don’t understand the Elf on a Shelf anyway. Why is it that something you’re just supposed to move every night somehow turned into “Elf on a Shelf holds a keggar” or 50 gazillion of his other miscreant activities?
I’m with you, if your kids want to hold the elf, let them. It’s a stuffed elf, not fine china!
This has been our first year with elves. My kids, 7 & 4, are loving it. They received a letter from Santa that told a little about the elves and said they were sort of little and learning to have good behavior. Santa asked my children to help show them to be kind, helpful and respectful. The elves have not been naughty, though. They play with toys, or hide. The kids love finding them each morning! They were gone for a night and I didn’t move them. My daughter asked why they were still in the last spot. I told her I think they just sleep when you kids aren’t here! Haha, it can be daunting remembering to move them every night! We have two because I have a daughter and son. Someone would have been sad if the elf that arrived was not their gender, so we have a brother and sister.