I was at church last week and we sang one of my favorite worship songs. It’s almost exactly what I needed to hear. It’s funny how God knows just what we need even when we don’t ask.
The lyrics to the song include, “When the Silence Feels So Lonely, You’re Still Holy, You’re Still Holy…”
Sometimes it seems as if this adoption thing will never happen.
I feel like we went through a period of time when it felt so good to hear God’s voice and what He was asking of us.
I felt so close to Him. I felt so empowered to be obedient. There wasn’t a second that went by that I didn’t know EXACTLY what our next calling was.
During that time worship was so emotional.
I felt so fulfilled. I prayed more. I gave more of myself to His purpose. I had more faith. I longed to hear MORE from Him.
The paperwork and training that go in to adopting a child internationally can be so overwhelming. I just remember feeling peace through all of it.
It didn’t all go simply how I planned, but we stayed the course and continued to follow His word. I’m not saying it was easy. It was far from easy. But in my mind, it was worth it.
And then in November 2012 we officially received word that all of our mounds of meetings and paperwork and training and certifications…had finally paid off.
The Philippines accepted and approved our application! That meant we got put on a “wait list”, as they call it in adoption.
I had been praying to be on that wait list for close to a year and the moment that it finally happened? It was like this big huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Gawwwwwd, it felt so good.
We knew that we would most likely be on the wait list for approximately 12 months. Except, I don’t think I really processed how long that 12 months would feel. It felt soooo close when we were going through the adoption paperwork. Eh, 12 months? It seemed so short.
But then the first month passed. And the second, and third, and now we are just in the beginning of the fourth month and it feels like there is no hope. Like God has forgotten all about the fact that we are longing to hold that child in our arms.
I know He hasn’t and He is still faithfully preparing our hearts for that perfect child. But, I still feel distant.
I’ve not been in my Bible like I should be…and I have definitely not been praying enough.
And then the other day at church when we started to sing…
WHEN THE SILENCE FEELS SO LONELY,
YOU’RE STILL HOLY, YOU’RE STILL HOLY.
It hit me.
Even during this time of waiting when we aren’t hearing from Him. When things aren’t as clear as they were just 4 short months ago. When it feels like He has forgotten.
He is still Holy.
It’s just the reminder that I needed this week.