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Mar
18

{Our Adoption} When the Silence Feels So Lonely – You’re Still Holy

I was at church last week and we sang one of my favorite worship songs.  It’s almost exactly what I needed to hear. It’s funny how God knows just what we need even when we don’t ask.

The lyrics to the song include, “When the Silence Feels So Lonely, You’re Still Holy, You’re Still Holy…”

silence 2

Sometimes it seems as if this adoption thing will never happen.

I feel like we went through a period of time when it felt so good to hear God’s voice and what He was asking of us.

I felt so close to Him. I felt so empowered to be obedient. There wasn’t a second that went by that I didn’t know EXACTLY what our next calling was.

During that time worship was so emotional.

I felt so fulfilled. I prayed more. I gave more of myself to His purpose. I had more faith. I longed to hear MORE from Him.

The paperwork and training that go in to adopting a child internationally can be so overwhelming. I just remember feeling peace through all of it.

It didn’t all go simply how I planned, but we stayed the course and continued to follow His word. I’m not saying it was easy. It was far from easy. But in my mind, it was worth it.

And then in November 2012 we officially received word that all of our mounds of meetings and paperwork and training and certifications…had finally paid off.

The Philippines accepted and approved our application! That meant we got put on a “wait list”, as they call it in adoption.

I had been praying to be on that wait list for close to a year and the moment that it finally happened? It was like this big huge weight lifted off my shoulders. Gawwwwwd, it felt so good.

We knew that we would most likely be on the wait list for approximately 12 months. Except, I don’t think I really processed how long that 12 months would feel. It felt soooo close when we were going through the adoption paperwork. Eh, 12 months? It seemed so short.

But then the first month passed. And the second, and third, and now we are just in the beginning of the fourth month and it feels like there is no hope. Like God has forgotten all about the fact that we are longing to hold that child in our arms.

I know He hasn’t and He is still faithfully preparing our hearts for that perfect child. But, I still feel distant.

I’ve not been in my Bible like I should be…and I have definitely not been praying enough.

And then the other day at church when we started to sing…

WHEN THE SILENCE FEELS SO LONELY,

YOU’RE STILL HOLY, YOU’RE STILL HOLY.

It hit me.

Even during this time of waiting when we aren’t hearing from Him. When things aren’t as clear as they were just 4 short months ago. When it feels like He has forgotten.

He hasn’t.

He is still Holy.

It’s just the reminder that I needed this week.

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34 Comments

  1. Mandy,

    The waiting period is so hard. It is definitely worth remembering how you feel now for the moments down the road when you can look back and be reminded that beyond a shadow of doubt, God was walking right beside you on this incredible journey. So hard to wait…thinking of you.

    ~Sarah
    Sarah @ An Inviting Home´s last blog post ..5 Tips for Creating An Art Wall

  2. We all need that reminder sometimes.
    {huge hugs}

    I hope time passes by faster and that you are able to hold that little one in your arms soon.

  3. Andi says:

    My sister-in-law and her husband broke the news to Eric and I on Sunday that they are going to be adopting too. They chose to adopt from Ethiopia. She sent us some videos to watch of adoption journeys, and in those videos the families went to the country twice. Once 5 or 6 months before the adoption was final, and then again to get the children. They got to meet their children on the first trip and had to leave them for the remainder of the time till it was final! That would be incredibly hard. Is that something you guys will do, or is that just Ethiopia’s things?
    Andi´s last blog post ..Facewash Fail….

    • Mandy says:

      Oh that is so cool!!! Congrats to them! Every country is different, but in the Philippines we do not have to visit our child first. We will receive our referral (picture of child) and then 2-3 months later we will travel to the Philippines to pick them up. We only have to be in country for 7 days.

  4. Jenna says:

    So very true. Thinking and praying for you and the family! He hasn’t left you and won’t ever.
    Jenna´s last blog post ..Exciting News! {There’s gonna be a PARTY! A BIG ONE!}

  5. Sending virtual hugs to you, Mandy! We have been waiting with my sister-in-law and brother-in-law as they go through the adoption process with a child from India. I know how agonizing the wait can be! I love your perspective on everything! Praying that the rest of the wait goes quickly! <3

    ~Abby =)
    Abby @ Just a Girl and Her Blog´s last blog post ..IKEA Magazine Rack Makeover

    • Mandy says:

      That’s so cool that you have an adoption story so close to home! We have friends that have considered adopting from India!! Thanks for your prayers.

  6. Hi Mandy,

    I think I read in a Joyce Meyer book that you may be ready, but God is still working on the other person (or people) to be ready as well. So maybe the baby is not ready yet, or the birth parents are not ready yet, or maybe He’s even working on the people in charge of the adoption.

    I hope that helps a bit. Praying for you guys. I love seeing pictures of the boys on Facebook and I can’t wait to see what those actions shots will look like when you guys get a little girl :)

    Also, lately one of my prayers has been to ask God to work on me (and the person who I’m praying for) while we sleep. We sleep, but God doesn’t. I love that He’s 24/7 and never closes. Put those prayers to work :)

    • Mandy says:

      Love this perspective Briana! I keep praying for more faith because I know that no matter what, above all else, God already knows who our child is and when it’s time…we will see His hands all over it! Thanks for the encouragement!

  7. We just turned in our adoption application for domestic infant adoption and I am so excited but know the wait will come once we get all the interviews/home visit done. Like the lady said before, God is preparing not only you for your coming addition but he is preparing your sweet child too. I will be praying for you and your family’s future.
    jackie fritzel´s last blog post ..Gallery Wall- My Weekend Project

    • Mandy says:

      That is awesome! Congratulations!! I love to meet other families who are going through the adoption process! Good luck to y’all and I will be praying!

  8. Niña says:

    Hello Mandy,

    I don’t exactly know how it feels to do an adoption.
    We’ve never tried that in our family but I have few friends who did adoption. I feel so glad that you are trying to adopt a baby from Philippines (I’m a proud Filipina)… I was wondering why you chose a Filipino child.

    I’m looking forward to see that baby.

    ? Niña
    Niña´s last blog post ..Yeah It’s Summer

    • Mandy says:

      Hi Nina! My husband is part Filipino. His mother is from the Philippines. That is why we chose to adopt from there. We are really excited to bring some of that heritage into our family (even more).

      • Niña says:

        Oh really? you’re husband has a Filipino blood? WOW!
        I am so happy to hear that Mandy. Most Filipinos are sweet, so I am sure that baby will be sweet and awesome :)
        ohhh.. I can’t wait to finally see your new baby.

        ~Niña
        Niña´s last blog post ..Yeah It’s Summer

  9. just remember, you`re on the waiting list. you`re there. you just have to be patient, and in the end you will be rewarded with the greatest joy in life; a child!
    The Norwegian Girl´s last blog post ..Budget Friendly Cooking – What`s in your pantry?

  10. QuatroMama says:

    Sometimes its in the waiting that He speaks loudest…keep drawing near!

    See you soon!!!!
    QuatroMama´s last blog post ..The Road to Becoming a Work at Home Dad {Part 6}

    • Mandy says:

      I never thought about it like that…but you are so right. Maybe I have closed off my mind/heart to being able to listen. It’s like when we got word that we were approved, I instantly quit praying about it. But you are so right…it’s during this time that He is preparing our hearts the most. Thank you for that reminder! Can’t wait to hug you in 2 days!

  11. Kelly says:

    It’s always hard waiting whether it be 9 months or longer for an adoption. Just know that the waiting is preparing your heart for the full amount of love that youwill receive and return. God is with you always even when you don’t hear him and least expect it. May God bless you.

  12. Ashley G says:

    Thank you so much for sharing this with all of us. This was so beautiful written and made me shed a few tears. I am not familiar with adoption and may not be going through this myself, but this message reaches so many different aspects of our lives and will stay with me through my own experiences. In the midst of waiting it may seem like you have been forgotten but God’s plan is always working and he is working to bring you the perfect child.

    • Mandy says:

      Hi Ashley! It’s so easy to forget that He is working in us even when we don’t hear from Him. I keep singing those lyrics over and over to try and remind myself that He is Holy!

  13. Alice Traver says:

    Hi Mandy.

    I have you in my thoughts and hope all comes to a happy ending.
    This takes time and the wait is worth it. I hope you hear soon.
    Love Alice

  14. Mandy, we are waiting on an adoption too. It’s been two years since we started the process. We’re going through local DSS, not international. It’s hard to wait but God keeps saying He’s got it handled and the less I do to make it happen, the more glory He gets.
    Praying for you guys!
    Amy@PermissiontoPeruse´s last blog post ..A New Thing

  15. Jordan says:

    So first of all I’m SO disappointed you were in my home state and hometown and I didn’t get the chance to meet you! You are an amazing inspiration and I pray for your family that your longing and waiting be answered sooner than later! We all know gods time is the right time and I’m struggling with that fact in my life as well right now! Thank you for this post and the reminder of gods promises! Have a safe trip home!!

    Jordan Gomez

    • Mandy says:

      Awww, thank you so much Jordan! Where are you in Texas?

      • Jordan says:

        Dallas! We’re on the north side of Dallas but Dallas all the same!! Hope y’all had a super fun weekend and a safe trip home!! Ill be praying for the sweet baby your hearts already love but you’ve yet to meet, as well as your whole family! You are a blessing!!

        Jordan

  16. Amanda says:

    Just found your blog and love it. My husband and I have 4 boys and are just beginning our home study to domestically adopt a little girl. My brother’s kids are half Filipino and my sister’s are half-Mexican so we are excited to see what race God has picked for our family. Will be praying for your journey when I pray for ours.

  17. bobi bobbitt says:

    Hi Mandy! I just stumbled upon your blog tonight after googling “blog house tour”… (: We have alot in common! I have three boys and we are in the process of adopting our little girl from Ethiopia! We have been in the process since 2010. I can so relate to this post! Sometimes it feels as if NOTHING is happening and will it ever happen?? Thank you for the reminder that God is still there, even in the wait and even in the silence. Bless you ,fellow adoptive Momma! (:

    • Mandy says:

      Oh my gosh, that is so cool!! I can’t wait to go read about your journey so far! Nice to “meet” you and thanks for introducing yourself. Love connecting with other adoptive mothers!

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