It’s been one of those questions that I get asked over and over again.

“What do your kids think about you adopting a baby?”

Most of the time I respond with the usual answer, “Our 7 year old is old enough to understand and be excited, but the 4 and 3 year old are too little to know what it means.”

But what I started to realize is that I never tried to explain it to them on a toddler level. Not because I didn’t want to, but because I really didn’t know how to.

When your kids ask you, “Why are we adopting a baby?” or “Why doesn’t that baby have a mommy and daddy?”…it’s easy to just blow off the question and say “You are too little to understand right now…”.

But the truth is, I should have been attempting to help them makes sense of what adoption really means. Especially since it’s going to be such a huge part of our family history.

I had all of these thoughts in my head about how I would explain it to them. I thought, I’ll say…

“Well, you see, families can be formed in many different ways. Some children live with the family they were born into (out of their mommy’s tummy) while other children live with a family that adopts them.”

Or if that didn’t resonate with them I could always say…

“Adoption is when a baby’s birth parents can no longer take care of them so they are placed in a new family.”

But even just saying THAT out loud…sounded confusing. And unclear.

I have been desperate to help my kids understand what it really means to have an adopted child in our family. All of the resources online seem to be for talking to the “adopted” child not the siblings of the adopted child. Or the friends, or classmates or neighbor kids.

One thing I knew I wanted to stress to them was the importance of not casting our adopted children as “special” or “different.”

Adoption is simply one of many ways to become a family.

And so…because I’m a list maker {can I get a “heck-ya!” from my list maker friends?} I decided that I would write out a list. I can’t take full credit for this idea because I was inspired by an article that I read on teaching students about adoption. I altered it to fit what I thought my boys would understand best.

One side of my list included things that babies need.

Diapers, bottles, food, clothes, hugs, love….

And the other side of my list included things that parents do.

Bring them into the world, change diapers, feed them, clothe them, hold them…

I explained to the boys that when parents can no longer do the things that the babies need…they have to find parents who can do those things for them. Then those parents become their forever mommy and daddy.

Doesn’t that seem so simple?

Yet so profound.

It didn’t clear EVERYTHING up in their mind. They still have questions. They still have uncertainties. They still wonder.

But it helped.

One of the first questions that they asked me after I explained the chart to them was, “If the mommy can’t take care of the baby then where is the baby now?”

That was a tough one to answer. Because it was a valid concern.  And the truth involves me explaining the lack of regulations set by the government that allows birth parents to take entirely too long to decide a permanent plan for their child. And it involves me explaining orphanages. And care givers.

And honestly…it was too much for me to handle in the moment. I didn’t explain it like I should have.

But I assured them that the baby was being cared for until we are able to go get him/her. Sometimes kids don’t need the full story. They just need to know things are ok.

And that’s all they cared about in that moment. To know that their new brother/sister was safe.

Have you ever thought about explaining adoption to your child? Even if you are not adopting…my guess is that your child will know someone at school who is adopted. And wouldn’t it be cool to explain to them what it means so that they understand?

READ MORE ABOUT OUR ADOPTION HERE.