There was a time in my life when Jesus was the last thing on my mind. In fact, I wasn’t even sure I believed in God.

Not that I didn’t, and not that I did. But I didn’t have enough knowledge to understand what believing in God actually meant.

You see, I grew up with amazing parents. An only child to two very-hard-working-wonderful-loving-beautiful parents. But one thing we didn’t do much when I was younger was attend church or read the Bible.

I’m not putting this all out there so you can judge my parents. Trust me, they have given me MORE in this life than I can ever repay. Not to mention that I am the person I am today {Jesus lover and all} because of their guidance.

They always taught me to do what was right. To be ethical AND help those in need. And to show compassion.

Although they may not be the most spiritual people, it’s clear that God led them in the right direction as they were raising me.

{Please don’t think I am trying to say I turned out to be an angel. LOL! I am far from perfect people. FARRRRR.}

But I did always have it in my heart to do the right thing. And that has to say something for the people who brought me in to this world and showed me the way.

My parents didn’t have me baptized as a baby or child because they wanted me to be old enough to make that decision on my own.

And frankly, when I became old enough to choose…I wasn’t ready. I wasn’t ready to follow Jesus.

I spent my high school years as the “goody-goody”. The friend that didn’t drink or smoke. That NEVER missed curfew. The one who was made fun of for not breaking the rules and living a little. But that was me.

Rule follower glory and all.

Up until that point I had lived my life thinking…if I do what’s right then that’s good enough.

What I was soon to learn?

Doing what’s right is important, but doing it with the intent to glorify God is even more important.

College came and things changed a bit. I started to test the waters with alcohol and partying. It was fun, but it was never me.

I met Jeff my third year in to college and to say that the beginning of our relationship wasn’t something out of a soap opera would be a lie. Cheating, lying, manipulating. All things that I am not proud of.

But I did. And he did.

Our pre-marital fights were some of the most dramatic fights we’ve ever had. I even went as far as throwing a fork at him once {not my proudest moment}.

You know when they say things get really bad before they get better? That was pretty much the case with my relationship with Jesus. I went through a phase in my life where attending church, following God and serving the Lord were the FURTHEST thing from my memory.

Clearly. Throwing forks were more important to me. Ahem.

Then we went through the deployment. A time in my life where I wish I would have known Jesus. Gosh, can you imagine how much more peace I would have had in my heart?

I spend that entire 17 months an emotional mess. Sure I prayed occasionally. Because that’s “what you do” when your husband is overseas. You pray for safety. Except my prayers had little meaning because I had no faith.

I remember after he came home and we had been attending his dad’s church for a few months how bored I was. I dreaded every single Sunday morning that we would go to church.

I was going for him.

And he was going for his dad. His dad was extremely involved in the church and we knew how disappointed he would be if we didn’t show up.

I finally got so fed up that I begged my husband to seek a new church with me. One that I would relate to more. There was absolutely nothing wrong with his dad’s church, but it just wasn’t the place I felt close to God. And so, after a heart-to-heart with his dad, we set out on a mission to find our own church.

Almost exactly 7 years ago {to the day} we walked through the doors of our now church home. It changed my life forever.

I had no idea how God was gonna rock my entire world in just a few short years.

I went from feeling uneasy around the people raising their hands during worship to the actual one who sat front and center, both hands raised during worship.

I went from trying to be in control of everything in my life to letting Him control my present and future.

I went from having a heart of stone at times, to a heart of flesh and one that longed to please my Father.

It was true…He was changing me.

Here all along I thought what I was doing was “good enough”. I thought if I just had good morals and treated people with respect that I would be worthy.

But the truth was, until I believed in Him and gave my life to Him…nothing I was doing was worthy.

In August of 2011 both my husband and I got baptized together.

Our hearts forever changed.

I can not explain to you how different it is to live your life following Jesus as opposed to just living your life “trying to do what’s right”.

Completely changed me. Completely changed our marriage.

All of those years that I didn’t love God…I was still trying to do what was right. But the one thing that was missing? The “why” behind what I was doing.

I was selfish. If I did anything good or worthy I wanted to take all the glory. I did things so that I would look better.

I lived my life thinking, “Me, me, me…what is in this life for ME!”

I held grudges. I was quick to judge. My heart was cold. And I rarely forgave.

In fact, I could spend months holding resentment towards my husband over the smallest things. MONTHS!

Slowly but surely, one prayer at a time…I began to have faith. I began believing that Jesus is above all else. It took time. A lot of time actually. I wasn’t one of those who prayed to be saved one Sunday, got baptized the next Sunday and immediately worshipped Jesus in everything I did.

In fact, I am still a work in progress. I still find myself being selfish at times.

But my marriage and my relationship with my husband is so much different now that we are trying to follow God.

It’s amazing how different your world can be when you put your faith in Him. Our fights no longer consist of me throwing forks.

<<I actually can’t even imagine doing something so stupid.>>

We still fight, just like any married couple. But I truly believe our fights are 100% different now. Am I saying that my anger doesn’t get the best of me and I don’t occasionally drop a few bad words on him when I am really mad? No, I still do that.

Now when we fight…instead of letting it get out of control. I walk away and I pray. I turn to Jesus and ask him to show me the way. And my husband does the same.

Here’s an exert from a text conversation from one of our last arguments:

Husband: “I prayed last night regarding {xxxxxxx} and I feel like God revealed some things to me.”

I am so proud of the spiritual leader that my husband is. I can see that he loves Jesus in everything he does. Whether it be his blog or his business or just playing with the children, I know that his main goal is to serve the Lord.

Looking back I wish I could thank his dad {he’s no longer with us} because if it wasn’t for him pushing us to attend a church…we may have never found our deep relationship with God.