From the moment I jump out of bed I immediately start processing all of the things that I have to get done for the day. It’s like my brain is a human list of to-do tasks. Most of which I’d rather stab myself in the eye than complete.
Any moment that it isn’t sleeping…it is thinking.
Do y’all have a brain like that? One that is impossible to shut down?! I blame my dad for this DNA gene. He will wake up in the middle of the night and start writing things down that need to get done that he was thinking about in his sleep.
Y’all. Crazy.
If you were born with a brain like my husbands? Than I envy you. Because he can literally shut it down at any moment.
Like when his head hits the pillow? He’s out. When he feels like relaxing and watching football on a Sunday afternoon? He can sit on the couch for hours at a time. When he decides we are going on a 2 week vacation? He can put work out of his mind for 14 straight days.
But me? My brain…is quite the opposite.
My brain says this….YOU SHALL NEVER BE STILL.
Quite honestly…it can be exhausting to live with my brain.
Because sometimes I just want to sit down. I want to relax. I want to enjoy the moments with my kids WITHOUT thinking about the 10 gazillion million things I need to do. I want to be still.
So I figured I can continue letting my brain decide the direction of my life or I can actually attempt to train my brain to live the life that will bring me more joy.
I’m not claiming that I’ve mastered the whole “just relax and be free” motto, but I’ve made some huge strides in the last few months.
It really is all about being intentional. And being present.
I remember this specific day that we were at the park with the kids. It was about 2 months ago. It was a Sunday afternoon and all I could think about was that I needed to go grocery shopping and I that I didn’t have a post ready to go live for the next week.
I checked my Instagram about 200 times. Briefly looked at my Facebook notifications. Made a grocery store list on my notes app. And then took 900 pictures of the kids playing.
But what I didn’t do? Is what you see my husband doing in the picture above.
I watched them and admired from afar the fun that they were having, but I didn’t join them.
Why? All because I was so focused on the what had to be done that day instead of focusing on what I was doing right then and there.
I don’t know what it was about that day. About that park trip. But after looking back at these photos that I snapped and seeing how much fun my husband was having? I was jealous. And sad that my brain was too consumed with irrelevant things that it held me back from being present that day.
You know how certain things trigger you to change. That day was my trigger. These photos are my reminder.
Now when we do family activities or even when my kids just want me to play with them? I do my best to BE PRESENT. To give them my undivided attention even if it means that the tasks of the day are getting put on the back burner.
I’m definitely still a work in progress. I have to remind myself EVERY single time that I need to put the phone down, put my to-do lists aside, and worry about THIS moment. Because this moment will be over in a flash and I don’t want to look back on these days of my kids childhood and think that I was too worried about things that don’t matter.
It’s extremely hard for me. It’s against my natural personality. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be intentional about it. It doesn’t mean that I can’t change it. And it surely doesn’t mean that I can use it as an excuse to be a mom who doesn’t know how to be present.
I still love to snap a few pics of my kids when we are doing things together. They are memories I want to capture and remember until they are no longer wee little ones.
I’m just more intentional about how often I have my phone out to snap a pic. I’m intentional about how many times I tell them “hold on, one more second, just let me finish (fill in the blank)”. I’m intentional about saying YES when they ask me to play pretend school. Or to have a two-square tournament. I’m intentional about my time WITH them and making it a time that is worth something more than just “what’s next”.
Do you struggle with this same thing? Does your brain tell you “YOU SHALL NEVER BE STILL”? I am here to tell you…don’t listen to those LIES.
Be present. Be intentional.
Such a great reminder. I think this is definitely a male vs. female thing because my husband is the same way. Head, meet pillow…out. Sitting, relaxing, playing. Us women — us MOMS — are just constantly go, go, go, and it’s really so wearing! Here’s to unplugging and being more present. 🙂
Totally agree! I’m jealous of men. LOL!
Love this post – it’s so true. I have to mindfully not check my phone when at the park with my daughter. I love the moments you captured with your family – especially the one of you and Jeff on the bench – it’s adorable!
Thanks Crystal!! 🙂
Great great great post! I am very guilty of this. I don’t want to miss out on my kids childhoods by being caught up in mommy life. PS after reading your blog a few weeks ago I’ve learned were in the same area. I’m new here though and would love to know where this park is!
I struggle with this and have been being intentional about it lately as well! I have set a personal goal that when I reflect on my day each night that I have spent time playing with my son not just sitting by him while he plays!
Oh, this is my the bane of my existence. Slowing down. Now, even more than ever, I feel I can’t stop doing something because I am parenting for two. I am also trying to grow my career that’s on the fast track. So balancing the two becomes ever more difficult. Thank you for the reminder to just “be” and enjoy slowing down. Sometimes parenting is just teaching our kids to live in the moment.
I have a brain like your hubby :). I have a calendar to-do list. I prioritise the days list in the morning and then spend the time with my son. As soon as he is down for a nap, I’m on the list and take the entries out as quickly as I can. When he is wakes up I am back to just being mama, the repeat when he is down for the night.
I can so relate to this post. My brain is life yours to the point where i cant even sit down at night with the family to watch a movie until everything is done if not then i am up several times doing things… I absolutely hate this. My husband is my total opposite he gets his work done also but is so care free that it drives me crazy..lol.. thanks for the reminder that life does not slow down for no one so we must be the ones to do it and enjoy these precious moments.
My brain functions just like yours and you’re right, it’s so hard to just shut it off. I feel like all of a sudden my boys are getting too old to do some of the things we used to and that I’ve already missed out. I need to focus on making every minute count, thanks for reminding me of that!
Yep! I am a 100% the exact same, and my husband is the opposite as well. He can sit on the couch watching movies all day on a Sun while I am checking off the hundreds of things I “need” to get done. Over the last couple months I too have identified my issues with this and committed to resting and focusing more on the things that truly matter, not missing them. Our pastor has been doing a 5 week series called #struggles, it’s about focusing on God in a “selfie” centered world. Gosh it made me realize just how dependent so many of us are on our phones! I’ve really learned to unplug recently and it’s heavenly! Thank you for sharing your story, it is crazy how something can trigger it like that huh!
I needed to read this today! Last night I couldn’t sleep because there was so much going on in my head and I couldn’t just shut it off. And all those things I was up thinking about last night don’t really matter. I feel like I’m going through a similar transition as you are. Time with my kids will not always be an option. The to do list can wait! Good to know I’m not alone in the struggle!
thanks for this! i think recognizing and noting that you need to slow down is half the battle. this is a huge issue of mine and one that i often try to help younger moms with. my husband has been deployed six times and talk about not being present. i have two boys who are now 9 and 13 and i can honestly say i wasn’t present in their younger years. i wished days and months away just wishing my husband would come home. i did anything possible to keep myself busy so the time would pass even quicker. it’s a good thing for pictures because i can’t even remember what the boys looked like when they were babies. i was too busy staying busy. now i know and i make a conscience effort to be in their lives —as much as they’ll let me! i have let go of the burden of regret and have made a promise to myself that i will give them memories of their mom playing, acting goofy & silly and being present. there are days i falter but i too want fun memories of being in their lives. “sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it’s a memory”
thanks for this! i think recognizing and noting that you need to slow down is half the battle. this is a huge issue of mine and one that i often try to help younger moms with. my husband has been deployed six times and talk about not being present. i have two boys who are now 9 and 13 and i can honestly say i wasn’t present in their younger years. i wished days and months away just wishing my husband would come home. i did anything possible to keep myself busy so the time would pass even quicker. it’s a good thing for pictures because i can’t even remember what the boys looked like when they were babies. i was too busy staying busy. now i know and i make a conscience effort to be in their lives —as much as they’ll let me! i have let go of the burden of regret and have made a promise to myself that i will give them memories of their mom playing, acting goofy & silly and being present. there are days i falter but i too want fun memories of being in their lives. “sometimes you will never know the value of a moment until it’s a memory”
ps. when my oldest was little i spent a lot of time at that same park where these pics were taken. looks the exact same, ha.
This post hit home for me (and made me cry). I am so guilty of this every single day. And when it’s time for bed and my two babies are asleep, I wonder where the day went and try to remember what meaningful thing happened that day. And it sucks because I struggle to remember why I didn’t stop doing laundry or stop figuring out my lesson plans for the next week to take the time to play with my son and daughter. Thanks for a wonderful reminder!!!
Yes, I can relate. Weekdays are easy because all I have to think about is getting ready for work and what all that entails. Saturday is worst because the moment I get out of bed I’m on the to do list, even before going down to drink coffee or having a relaxing morning with my hubby. We’ve been making Sunday a rest day after church but it seems like lately there are tasks overflowing on Sunday. Thanks for reminding me to rest, slow down, cherish the present.
I’m the exact same way! I’m always thinking about what else to do, and it means I’m so much less productive with what I’m actually supposed to be doing at the time. It also takes me so long to fall asleep because I just can’t turn my brain off!
Something that’s really helped me with this is actually yoga. The more spiritual side of it isn’t my thing, but focusing on my breath and my body helps quiet my thoughts. I highly recommend it!
I so agree with this. It’s so hard for me to just sit down and relax. I’m thinking about chores, or bills or something else that I should be doing. My husband has the great ability to just shut down his brain and enjoy himself. I’m jealous.
Mandy – you are speaking to my heart! My fiance is always telling me that I don’t always have to be productive. I get fidgety when I have down time because I feel like I should be doing something else. I’d love to be able to let go and to let myself just BE.