I’m already a little over-dramatic and a complete worry wart….but after reading story after story on different blogs about people who lose their children…I can’t help but wonder WHY? Why did God choose that child? Why did he choose those families? Why did he want them to have to go through so much pain? Why? Why? Why?
I just don’t understand.
I have spent the afternoon learning about baby Sage. Click here to read. Sage was a 8 month old healthy little boy that was found “not breathing” in his crib. The reason…”no reason” according to the reports.
The only thing that comes to my mind is…it’s not fair. It’s not fair to see a baby that was loved so much to be taken from a mother for no reason. Why? Why did that baby stop breathing?
I love God and believe He holds the path to my life, but I often question His decisions. I know people say God has a plan….and He does….but why does His plan have to be so painful for some people and not for others? Why are “they” chosen to endure such hardships?
P has been asleep for over an hour and I have been in his room FIVE times laying my hand on his chest and watching him closely to make sure he is breathing. Does it really matter if I keep checking on him? If God’s plan was to take him…could I really control that? I know that answer to that question….yet, I still find myself constantly worrying and checking on him.
I know I can’t live my life worrying about these things. I know I have to leave it in His hands. I struggle with that at times because I want to control what happens. I want to make sure I am doing everything right as a mother so that nothing happens to my precious child. I often forget, that this kind of control…is out of my hands.
I am not trying to get all spiritual on you, but some of these thoughts have been weighing heavy on my heart. Before blogging I never personally knew a family that had lost a child. Now that I have been opened up to so many wonderful blogs, I have had the chance to read about families who actually go through this pain and it is absolutely heart wrenching.
I feel blessed that I have only had to endure 2 miscarriages…when other families are dealing with the loss of their 8 month old son for no reason. I feel blessed that I have a healthy 20 month old son who fills my life with so much when MckMama has been in the hospital for the last week watching her precious Stellan fight SVT. I feel worried that my “happiness bubble” could be popped at any moment if God so chooses.
Is it wrong that I am questioning God? Does this mean my relationship with Him needs help? I listen to some of these mothers who say “God is in control and whatever happens I know that He has chosen what’s right”…and I wonder to myself if I was put in that same situation would I trust in God they way they are?
What does all of this mean? I love my church and I love to learn about Jesus….but am I wrong for feeling these things?
Do any of you often wonder “WHY”?
you’re not alone. and i don’t think it’s wrong to feel the way you’re feeling. i have to think that if i was in that situation, all that i would have to get me through the day would be my faith in God and His plan. otherwise, i might lose my mind and be consumed with bitterness and anger. everyone deals with things differently, but it’s those that put their trust in God that inspire me the most. i hope that if anything ever happens to my family, that i can remember the example that so many struggling bloggers have set as they’ve endured such horrible tragedies.
thank you for posting this. it definitely reminds me to celebrate what i have and thank God for what i’ve been given.
Erin @ Blue-Eyed Bride’s last blog post..in one week…
This is going to sound weird…but I was reading about this exact thing in the Bible today. Here’s what is says:
Deuteronomy 29:29
The secret things belong to the Lord our God, but the things revealed belong to us and to our children forever, that we may follow all the words of this law.
The little insert says this:
“I don’t understand why God is doing this,” people say. But God hasn’t told us everything. Our finite minds could not possibly grasp some things, and other information is simply unnecessary or unhelpful for us to know. What God has told us (in his law, for instance) he intends for us to obey.
Thought this might be helpful. I know that it is difficult to have faith in God’s plan at times…and it’s so easy to question his motives…but we need to learn to always have faith and trust in Him.
XOXO
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You are reading my mind honey. I think about these SAME EXACT things every day. My heart has been so overwhelmed by the sad and tragic stories I have come across in blogland lately. I actually decided to take a break from reading so many of these blogs because it consumes my every thought! I constantly look at Addie and think “What would I ever do if I lost you.” I hate thinking like that! I know it is always a possibility that God’s plan will involve us losing someone we love at a time when we are not expecting it but still…I don’t want to live my life in this constant fear. I know that all we can do is trust God and I want to SO badly but some days I just can’t help but wonder why. Don’t feel bad for feeling this way. I have been feeling the exact same way for so long and I am glad I am not alone.
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This just proves that you are human. I have asked Why on many occasion. I have to remind myself that God promised Christians eternal life, His help in time of need among other things. He did not however promise us a life without trials, tribulations, et. xoxo
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I ask WHY so many time…and not sure if I will ever stop. I understand why, but don’t. I am a believer, but sometimes it is so hard. I lost both of my grandfathers within 2 days of each other – one expected, the other not. My dad has crohns disease, has had it for 32+ years – in all actuality he shouldn’t be here…..he is a good christain man, raised us up in church…and I still ask God why he made my dad so sick. It breaks my heart. So of course it doesn’t change anything if you ask God why – I do it quite often…..I just can’t help it. My father in law is a pastor, he has explained it before in church – but I still ask why it happens to certain people. I know God has a plan, and I know I don’t understand a lot of it. I just try to do the best I can, which sometimes I don’t think is much. Sorry for the rambling – but it’s just something very close to my heart…..and I didn’t want you to feel alone 🙂
aw…….mandy what a great post that all moms think and just don’t say!! it is a constant worry….but i do think it’s only normal to worry! i think it’s in our nature! i know we’re not supose to question God (because he does have a plan) but who’s to say i wouldn’t if i lost my child! not in the sense of ……….anger……but my heart would ache wondering who he choose my child!! ??
maybe you do feel so strongly about the subject you have suffered two losses in your life! i am so sorry for that mandy!
we just need to shower our children with prayer and put them in God’s hands and pray for the best! and know we can’t control the situation1
i’m so glad you posted this!! you gave so women a way to express there worries also!
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Being a mom in general, I think makes us “worry” even more. We have these little lives to take care of and love and it’s absolutely normal to not want anything bad to happen to them.
I completely understand where you’re coming from as far as the Lord is concerned. It’s not like the Lord sits back and uses us as puppets, good things happen, bad things happen this is LIFE…but He does KNOW what IS going to happen before it does.
I just try not to worry because worrying is not good for anyone, it keeps us from enjoying life. There are some things we CAN do and other times it’s just out of our own control.
I think I’m blabbing on and on here………..
my point is………your feelings are very normal
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