From the moment I jump out of bed I immediately start processing all of the things that I have to get done for the day. It’s like my brain is a human list of to-do tasks. Most of which I’d rather stab myself in the eye than complete.
Any moment that it isn’t sleeping…it is thinking.
Do y’all have a brain like that? One that is impossible to shut down?! I blame my dad for this DNA gene. He will wake up in the middle of the night and start writing things down that need to get done that he was thinking about in his sleep.
If you were born with a brain like my husbands? Than I envy you. Because he can literally shut it down at any moment.
Like when his head hits the pillow? He’s out. When he feels like relaxing and watching football on a Sunday afternoon? He can sit on the couch for hours at a time. When he decides we are going on a 2 week vacation? He can put work out of his mind for 14 straight days.
But me? My brain…is quite the opposite.
My brain says this….YOU SHALL NEVER BE STILL.
Quite honestly…it can be exhausting to live with my brain.
Because sometimes I just want to sit down. I want to relax. I want to enjoy the moments with my kids WITHOUT thinking about the 10 gazillion million things I need to do. I want to be still.
So I figured I can continue letting my brain decide the direction of my life or I can actually attempt to train my brain to live the life that will bring me more joy.
I’m not claiming that I’ve mastered the whole “just relax and be free” motto, but I’ve made some huge strides in the last few months.
It really is all about being intentional. And being present.
I remember this specific day that we were at the park with the kids. It was about 2 months ago. It was a Sunday afternoon and all I could think about was that I needed to go grocery shopping and I that I didn’t have a post ready to go live for the next week.
I checked my Instagram about 200 times. Briefly looked at my Facebook notifications. Made a grocery store list on my notes app. And then took 900 pictures of the kids playing.
But what I didn’t do? Is what you see my husband doing in the picture above.
I watched them and admired from afar the fun that they were having, but I didn’t join them.
Why? All because I was so focused on the what had to be done that day instead of focusing on what I was doing right then and there.
I don’t know what it was about that day. About that park trip. But after looking back at these photos that I snapped and seeing how much fun my husband was having? I was jealous. And sad that my brain was too consumed with irrelevant things that it held me back from being present that day.
You know how certain things trigger you to change. That day was my trigger. These photos are my reminder.
Now when we do family activities or even when my kids just want me to play with them? I do my best to BE PRESENT. To give them my undivided attention even if it means that the tasks of the day are getting put on the back burner.
I’m definitely still a work in progress. I have to remind myself EVERY single time that I need to put the phone down, put my to-do lists aside, and worry about THIS moment. Because this moment will be over in a flash and I don’t want to look back on these days of my kids childhood and think that I was too worried about things that don’t matter.
It’s extremely hard for me. It’s against my natural personality. But that doesn’t mean that I can’t be intentional about it. It doesn’t mean that I can’t change it. And it surely doesn’t mean that I can use it as an excuse to be a mom who doesn’t know how to be present.
I still love to snap a few pics of my kids when we are doing things together. They are memories I want to capture and remember until they are no longer wee little ones.
I’m just more intentional about how often I have my phone out to snap a pic. I’m intentional about how many times I tell them “hold on, one more second, just let me finish (fill in the blank)”. I’m intentional about saying YES when they ask me to play pretend school. Or to have a two-square tournament. I’m intentional about my time WITH them and making it a time that is worth something more than just “what’s next”.
Do you struggle with this same thing? Does your brain tell you “YOU SHALL NEVER BE STILL”? I am here to tell you…don’t listen to those LIES.
Be present. Be intentional.