The name of our daughter.
It’s been so hard not to share this part of our adoption story with you because we have been DYING to tell you our baby girl’s name.
We want to share with you all the things that God is showing us through HER name alone and you guys, it’s big.
Like REALLY big.
What I can tell you? Is that before this experience, before learning her name, before February 17, 2016… I have never had God speak so clearly to me on any-one-THING.
NOTHING.
February 17, 2016 changed our lives forever.
However, this story won’t be complete without starting from the beginning and telling you about a HUGE event that happened prior to this day – that had already changed our lives forever.
In September of 2015 my aunt Jane was murdered by my uncle who was mentally ill. After he took her life, he took his own life. He did this 3 weeks before my cousin was set to get married and a few short months before my other cousin was supposed to graduate high school.
There truly isn’t a word that describes how horrifying that day was for my entire family. Horrific – doesn’t even come close.
Going through any major tragedy in your life is sure to do one thing… change you. And change me it did.
For months, my emotions were all over the place – the shock, the grief, the anger, the forgiveness, the sadness, the resentment, the horror of reliving the day in my head… I wasn’t sure who I even was after losing someone so close to me in such a horrific way. Heck, sometimes I’m still not sure I know who I am after that.
But what I do know, is that God is mighty. God is hope. God is grace. God is forgiveness. God is abundant joy. God is constant. God is light.
And I needed all the light I could get in those dark moments.
Moments where I questioned if He was even real? Was He true? Did He love me like he claimed?
And if He did, then why? Why would something like this happen to our family?
But instead of wallowing in the “why”… God reminded me that He didn’t do this. He didn’t shoot my aunt. He didn’t allow this to happen to her. That’s not something God would ever allow.
For whatever reason, my “why” turned to “what” and I suddenly started praying and asking, “God, what can I learn from this? What can You show me through this that will bring You glory?”
One word came over me every time I prayed this —–
Grace.
Not grace in the sense that I had to forgive my uncle immediately. Not grace that I would need to not be angry. Not grace for his mental illness. Not grace that he took a very special person from all of us.
But grace that meant his actions that day were his alone. Not to be blamed on anyone else. Not to be taken out on anyone else.
Grace that he was not always mentally ill. Grace that he was once a good husband and good father. Grace that my cousins still loved their dad and that was ok.
Grace that means – God is bigger.
During those first few days following the deaths I was able to speak to his family. I was able to hug them and say “I’m sorry for your loss.”
I was able to look at my cousins at the visitation and say “I’ll go with you to see him.” And “It’s ok to still love him… he was your dad.”
I was able to stand there at his side and say “I will forgive you for what you did to my aunt, to my family, to your children. I will forgive you because it frees me from the hold the anger will have on me.”
It wasn’t ME offering grace. So don’t be fooled. I’m not that nice.
It was Jesus. Because without Jesus, there is no way in heck I would ever hug his mom or say “I’m sorry” to his side of the family.
I am not that nice of a person. In fact, I am usually the one holding a grudge or hanging on to resentment.
But God is bigger.
And God wrote grace on my heart during the week following the deaths.
Not so that my uncle’s family would see me and think, “what a nice girl” but so they would see Him and they would see that God is the one who holds the power to our hearts.
A few months after all of this, my 17 year old cousin made the decision to come live with us. It wasn’t an easy move… she lives 5 hours from us and left all of her friends, siblings, nieces and family that we have up north.
And goodness, I knew that we were adopting, but what I didn’t expect is that we would also gain a teenager. A teenager who just lost both her parents.
Something about having her here with us feels so perfect. I feel like it’s exactly where she was supposed to come.
I’m telling you all of this because it matters to our daughters story so keep reading.
Fast forward to February 17, 2016.
The phone call. The one we had been waiting for for over 4 years. The one that came while we were on a plane to Cabo.
The one that came with much better news than the phone call we had received just 5 months prior when we learned about my aunt.
The call that revealed to us that we were getting a DAUGHTER!
You can read more about “the call” HERE.
But the part of the story that I couldn’t yet share with you yet was the most important part of the entire story – her name.
Our adoption agency said her name out loud to me and I immediately burst into tears. Giant, giant tears. The kind that leave you in shock, but also in awe.
Her name.
Janella Jane
I had to ask my agency to repeat it.
Me: “I’m sorry, what did you say her name was?”
Them: Janella Jane
Me: “Did you say Jane?”
Them: “Yep, that’s right. Janella Jane.”
More moments of pure and utter disbelief. I don’t remember hearing much of anything she spoke to me after that, including her age, or where she was from. I was still stuck on her name.
You see, if you remember from the story above, my aunt’s name was Jane Ellen.
And for our new daughter to have “Jane” in her name… not to mention “Jane Ellen” is pretty darn close to being Janella… that wasn’t by accident.
It was no “coincidence”.
In that moment, I knew that I knew that I knew…
God was bigger.
God was real. He cared about me and loved me. And whatever part of me that ever questioned if He was true… vanished.
There wasn’t even a question on whether we would keep her name after hearing it.
I remember just being at the airport, waiting on a shuttle and thinking… “God, how can you pull something like that off? How did you know?”
It was clear that this little sweet girl was meant for our family. I had zero doubt.
All of our kids have meaningful family middle names. To be honest, we originally thought we’d use her birth name as her middle name and THAT would be her meaningful family middle name and we would give her a new first name.
But all along, I never searched for names. I never googled “girl baby names” or “boy baby names”. People would ask me, “Do you have names picked out?”
My response? “Nope, but I probably should.”
It’s clear now why God wasn’t having me search the internet baby name base like it was my full time job. Because He knew. He knew I wouldn’t need to waste my time with that.
As that February day in Cabo San Lucas went on, we were able to read her entire file and learn more information about her and God continued to blow my mind time and time again.
My husband’s birth name is Jan. And Jan is in Janella. Not to mention, they have the same initials.
Her birth mom’s middle name?
Rose
I mean, I can’t even make this up. And that’s just the tip of it all. Some of the stuff I can not share as they are only parts of her story that are hers to share.
But can you believe how big and mighty He is?!?!
To think that back in September I was questioning if God was true?
Goodness, thank you Jesus for not only reminding me of Your truth but for showing off so that I could be filled with faith bigger than the mountains.
So there you have it… her perfect and flawless name – given to her by her birth mother – Janella Jane.
A name that will forever hold meaning way beyond our adoption story.
We can’t wait for sweet little Nella bug to join us!! And yes, we plan to call her Nella.
Stay tuned….
God is good and mighty! Thank you for sharing His faithfulness with us! Can’t wait to see Nella’s precious face 🙂
Thank you! I can’t wait to share her sweet little face too!
Chills! HE is amazing!!
Goose bumps! It has been a long road but our God is greater!
Amen!
That gave me chills and happy tears! She is definitely meant for your family Mandy! She’s going to be the happiest and most loved little girl! Little Nella! So sweet!
Thank you so much… we can’t wait to have her home!
Oh my goodness Mandy! What a beautiful story and yes, Goods so very good! I absolutely love her name but love her name’s story even more. Congratulations on your sweet daughter!
Thank you so much Jessi!
Words cannot express what a beautiful perfection this truly is. God is SO good! So happy for you and your family! Thank you for sharing this amazing example of God’s love.
Oh, my heart!!! ?????
(those are supposed to be hearts 🙂 )
So excited for yur sweet family, Mandy, and can’t wait to follow Nella’s story!!
Hahha! Thank you!!
Amazing! I got goosebumps reading this! So exciting for your family. God is amazing and knew exactly what your family needed. Can’t wait to follow along and and watch your sweet girl grow up! 🙂
He totally did… we just had to wait it out and trust him!
A blessing and all his worthy. Can’t wait to see her sweet face ?
Mandy! Wow! I am in awe of God’s hand in your adoption story. I’ve been following along through the wait, and gracious God is so good. It’s amazing how he reveals Himself to us in these small but mighty ways. Overjoyed for your family and for Nella!
So sweet, Erin! Thanks for following along and praying for us during this journey!
Soooo I feel like I’m gaining a distant niece or something haha because I’ve been following you guys’ journey for a few years now. I am in awe of how amazing God is every time He does little things like this that are HUGE things to us. This is beautiful. I’m so happy for you guys.
HAH! Yes! Aunt Briana!
Thank you so much, we are really thrilled!
hi. im a filipino and ive read your blog 2 years ago when I googled “adoption philippines” bec I also want to adopt bec we cant have a baby on our own. I was in tears when you posted on instagram that you finally got a call and now I cant help but to cry even more out of happiness for you and for your family. Congratulations and we do have an amazing God! ?
Carla,
Awww thank you so much!
God’s love knows no bounds. And good for you for knowing and having faith in HIM. This is such a blessing to know. Thank you for sharing your beautiful story. God continue to bless your beautiful family.
Wow! That is an unbelievable story! God is good! Congratulations
Beautiful!!! Just beautiful!!!! God is SO good!! I am beyond excited for you and your family!! And I love that you continue to show me and others just how mighty our God is in all ways and that HIS plan is always perfect!!
How your words have touched me. Thanks for sharing this precious piece of your journey. He is mighty and gives us good and perfect gifts. James 1:17
Chills and tears! So exciting and yes, HE is MIGHTY! Can’t wait to see her beautiful face!
Soon enough we can share it! She’s the cutest little thing ever.
What a blessing, bought a tear to my eye. Congratulations what an amazing story of how truly great God is! Xx
This brought me to tears!! God is so good!! <3
I’m so happy for you, but my heart is full of emotions also, I got reminded how big, faithful and loving is our God and I feel bad about how cold I’ve been in my intimate life with Him, I want to see this kind of stuff happens to me too, I need to let God be my first love again
This is unbelievable! I have been following your story for a long time and there are tears running down my face! I’m so happy to see the restoration only a loving God can bring to your family!! Congratulations & I’m so glad you so bravely share because it builds my faith as well.
Thank you Amy!
Made me cry! Recently lost a friend & refuse to let myself ask “why”. Your story gives me hope that it will one day become clear why she was taken at 29 years old with 2 small children.
I’m so thrilled for your family. Thank you for sharing all your ups & downs & JOY with so many people!
Oh man, I just KNEW Rose was part of a name somewhere! Love how God works–yep, that sounds like Him!
A good guess indeed Amy! Can you even believe it?!?
Your story gave me chills & tears. I can’t wait to meet your beautiful baby girl. God is good.
What an incredible story that testifies about our God Who works in the smallest details of our lives! Thank you for sharing!! So excited for y’all!!!
I am literally sitting here with goose bumps!!! God is so amazing and his timing constantly blows my mind. I am so excited for you guys and I can’t wait until you get to hold her! Love her name and what a beautiful story of Gods love for us. He literally plans every single detail to benefit us. ????
EVERY detail. It’s insane!
God is so good! What a awesome story to share! I’ve been following your blog for a while! Cannot wait to see her! Congrats!
That is amazing! Made me have goosebumps! I’m so happy for you and your family.
Oh sweet Mandy! That is a big “God thing”!! I am weeping as I read the story…again. I am thinking of how He is a “Good, Good Father”, “How Great is our God” and on and on. You may or may not know that “The name Janella is an English baby name. In English the meaning of the name Janella is: Jehovah has been gracious; has shown favor.” And Jane: ” has its origins in the Hebrew language and it is used largely in English. The meaning of Jane is ‘Yahweh is gracious, Yahweh is merciful’. It is a biblical name derived from yahweh ‘name of God’ ; channa which means ‘to be gracious'”
Janella Jane….GOD is all over this!!! May I share your blog on my blog? What an encouragement to the Love of God and just how intimate and personal He is….love to you and all your family!
Tammy,
Thank you! We are so thrilled. Shoot me an email to talk details about sharing [email protected]
Holy freaking cow I love it! Can’t wait to adopt one of our own!
Do it! It’s the best thing ever… and we don’t even have her yet! lol.
Oh I have tears and goosebumps! !! GOD IS GOOD!!! happy for you all-xoxo
Oh my absolute word. I’m so in love and in awe of our great God!!!
Love this so much!! So sorry for your loss but so thankful you’re gaining a daughter that will remind you of your sweet aunt each day!! Prayers sweet Nella adjust easy to life with brothers! 😉
I was sure her name was going to be ‘Grace!’ but how much more perfect her name is! I love that thru this God showed you His heart & His love toward/for you! Giant blessings to you a you continue to wait to get your baby girl!
I just can’t even. God is so good! And when he reveals that all the waiting and hurting and “why”-ing was part of a perfect plan? I can’t even imagine how over the moon you must be right now.
Tears flowing! So incredibly beautiful ? thank you for sharing God’s beautiful story of grace! I needed this reminder..
I’ve been reading your blog for several years now. I love reading your silly stories about your boys. I enjoy your honesty and hearing about real life – even the tough parts. We struggled with infertility before my daughter was born last year and I definitely related to your doubt and questioning God, why not now and when/will this ever happen. Looking back, I feel like we finally got pregnant after I finally decided to truly give it to God and step back. She was so worth the wait and is better than anything I could have imagined or hoped for. I know you feel the same already about your daughter. I’ve been so excited to hear about her name and was sitting here with tears rolling down my face when I read the story. There are no coincidences, truly something only He could have organized. What a lucky girl! Looking forward to hearing more about your growing family!
Though the road of adoption is hard and an emotional roller coaster (adopted two of my kids from foster-care), they are heart-made and given by God. No matter their problems, challenges and hardships they have already been through. and the ones they face in the future as they struggle to understand who they are and where they came from.
I have shed tears of both sadness and joy for you and your family as you told your story. Thank you for sharing your journey.
Love hearing your amazing story. Thanks for sharing and encouraging our hearts!
Wow!! I am soo thankful for having your blog in my life. God really opens doors! I am such a name person…in fact yesterday I was googling name meanings because I feel your name tells your story. God drifts from my thoughts and I am reminded to connect with him through your life! My name is Janie…meaning-God is GRACIOUS!!! I was my moms first girl after having 5 boys!!! I was supposed to be Lucus…lol…it took her 3 days to name me she was soo excited!! Thank you for sharing!! Janella Jane welcome!!!?
Wow! What a story. Yes, God knows us and God is Good!
Tears. That is your baby girl.
All the way, she’s a Rose!
I cried my way through your story, it is incredible and truely only the Lord Jesus could do such a thing.
We have also adopted and have our own story in regards to the names and the way God chose our boys for us, and the way he prepared our hearts for them. God is faithful. He sees our hurts and he has his own way of revealing his loving kindness to us. Heaven will be full of those kind of stories, Jesus stories of his love for us who are hanging on to him no matter how hard life can be. All good things come from him.
You are so strong ! God bless you!?? Thank you for sharing your story
You are so strong ! God bless you! Thank you for sharing your story
That is AMAZING! Thank you so much for sharing your testimony and continue to let God use you. Be blessed!
Woooow! God continues to show his mighty power and grace through your beautiful story. I love this and love that He revealed himself like only He can. Speechless. Thank you for sharing.
Major chills! This is such an amazing story and needs to be put in a book for her 🙂 she is so blessed and already has brought so many blessings and meaning to your family!
What a mighty God we serve!
Oh my goodness… That bright tears to my eyes. How wonderful. How perfect. What an amazing gift from God!!