This one emotion is the deadliest destroyer of most marriages. What makes it so deadly is that it’s often silent and you don’t usually recognize you’ve fallen victim to it. Or that in most cases it’s probably you’re fault you’re experiencing it. What it is? Listen in to find out.
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Now, the real stuff.
Resentment. It’s silent and it kills marriages fast.
One example of resentment for us was just over this past summer. After Janella was back in the states and part of our family it was a big adjustment changing our lives all the while a really exciting time. For those who don’t know it, often Jeff works from home… and that comes with sharing space with little kids around who are all kinds of interruptions to any productivity.
For a few months it was hard to find a balance of working at home and not feeling guilty at the idea that working at home with four kids may not be a reality and that it’s ok to leave and head to a coffee shop or office to work.
Looking back it seems so simple for how we could avoid any resentment building up day after day… but so often our own guilt gets in the way of making a change to avoid resentment creeping in.
For us, with this one example, it took removing ourselves from the day to day circumstances to see and search our hearts to realize it’s causing resentment against each and how to change it.
What’s resentment look like in marriages? Here’s a few ways we’ve seen it play out in our own marriage and others:
Looking for approval from others which leads us to spend time with crowds of people maybe we should not. This could be something as simple as happy hour with coworkers of the opposite sex that leads your spouse to feel not included, anxious, etc.
There’s trust issues between you and your spouse so you have a lot of arguments about the boundaries of what’s ok and what’s not. Boundaries about again, who to spend time with, how to spend the money, extended family and holiday, etc.
One spouse travels frequently and the other stays home rising the kids and feels unappreciated or consistently guilty for asking for help.
What’s the cure for resentment in marriage? There’s no instant fix for this silent marriage killer.
Find a way to recognize what the resentment is.
Write it down. Really identify what it is.
Know what it feels like so you can identify it in the future sooner.
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