You’d never know from the looks of theses sweet faces that we’ve been having such a hard few weeks. And when I say hard, I mean some of the most difficult moments I’ve ever experienced as a parent.
EVER.
I can honestly say that maybe I got a little cocky about this whole motherhood thing. I thought that I had it all figured out… and then some.
I was pretty judgmental at times when I saw other kids doing the “wrong” thing and I thought to myself…
“Geeeeez, can’t those parents get their kids under control.”
I would NEVER let me kid throw a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant like some of these mothers. Right?
We’ve all said it, haven’t we?
Until, yep, it’s your kid.
Throwing a tantrum in the middle of a restaurant. Or a grocery store. Or the church nursery.
Or the middle of a fair – where, for pete’s sake, there are rides and funnel cakes…how can they have ANY reason to be ticked off.
Suddenly you feel what EVERY parent that has a strong willed child has felt….
HELPLESS.
You try to politely ask them to calm down. And what happens next?
They get louder.
So you raise your voice and get stern…or as I like to call it – I get out my mean mom voice.
They get even louder. And now they’re not just screaming, but they’re trying to smack your legs.
So you do the whole, take them off to the side thing, where you think, Ah-Ha, I’ll show you that you can’t talk to me like that.
And you know what happens next? They keep going and going and by now? They are flailing around on the concrete like you just told them they could never eat popsicles again in their entire life.
Just as you reach for your husbands help, you realize, crap…he’s at home with your middle child.
And now your in the center of a carnival, standing next to the corn dog stand (which smells amazing by the way), with a kid that refuses to get off the ground unless you win him the overpriced stuffed animal at the fish bowl toss.
And you suck at putting any kind of ball in a small glass jar of water from 7 feet away so you know it would take you over $25 to win the dang 50 cent stuffed Spiderman. You feel like crying, but instead you laugh as the people who walk by stare and point.
Some even giggle.
Like, “Ohhhh look at her, that poor mom can’t get her child under control.”
Ok, tell me I’m not the only one. This has happened to you, yes? Maybe not this exact scenario, but something similar, right?
Take that scenario and magnify it times 10 and that has been our life for the last 3 straight week with our youngest son. Granted he’s three. I get it. Three is a hard hard age. Trust me, I’ve done TWICE already.
But nothing could prepare me for the spirited, stubborn little boy we call SJ.
I absolutely love the kind words a friend text me last week. She said, “You, my dear, are in the deep dark trenches. THE LIGHT WILL SHINE.”
Just hearing those words made me realize two things:
1. She’s right.
and
2. Why on earth am I trying to do this alone. Without the help of God.
After all, He knows above anyone else what is going to work and not work when it comes to my sweet baby boy.
Six nights ago my husband and I began praying over SJ each night. And honestly, I’ve been praying off and on throughout the day for wisdom and guidance on how to best handle him. Because I finally realized? I can’t do this alone.
Maybe this is just chance. Or some people might call it luck. But SJ’s attitude, behavior and trouble areas are already improving.
I call it God. He moves mountains. And I remember crying out to him in tears, “Please God, I’m begging you…you have to show up. I’m breaking!”
He’s showing up. In big ways.
THE LIGHT WILL SHINE.
I can already see it peeking through.
**I will post an update on the progress and how things are drastically improving soon.
Oh yes! I remember that stage like it was yesterday! Mine was the day my daughter was screaming and twisting in my arms in IKEA and I was trying to make my way through the maze all the way to the car. And the unthinkable happens… She spits in my face. I about lost it and started crying in the middle of the bedding section. As we made our way to the exit a light shown on the kids place and I realized we both needed a 60 minute timeout instead.
And things got 10 times better after that.
Oh yes, My little man isn’t even two yet and he knows what he wants and when he can get it. If he throws a tantrum, I just wait until he calms down and then talk to him. If we are in public I just make sure he is safe and out of high traffic areas. Any mum who walks by will understand.
omg the last couple of weeks have been nuts with bringing home a newborn and my oldest turning 2, who is a very “spirited” child. I’ve been praying so much this week for patience, and wisdom, but I’m just realizing after reading your post that I haven’t been praying for her!!! Geez. I’m hoping it’s the newborn fog I’m in. Thanks for posting this Mandy!
I soo needed this today. My little boy is 2 and his brother is due anytime. I feel like I’m inconsistent and things are getting out of control. I’m thankful you reminded me to pray about it ! God knows exactly what we need!!
Thank you for being so honest! I am a new mom, with twin boys, and I wonder how they will be as they grow up. Reading about how you are raising your sons is very inspiring! You are one strong mama! May God continue to watch over you and all of us moms!
Oh, my goodness! You are so not the only one. Our 3 yr old daughter is every bit as bull-headed as me (that’s saying something), but she also has zero issues with causing scenes in very public places. It’s just a (looooooooong) phase!
Reading this post just brought a tear to my eye. I have 3 boys and my youngest is 3 and by far has been the hardest. Thanks for your words.
Oh yes, I have been there too. My 6 year old is very spirited, stubborn, opinionated and strong-willed. Ages 3 and 4 were very challenging with him, there were a lot of life changes happening during that time too which I’m sure made things worse for him since he doesn’t do well with change or anything unexpected. As he’s gotten older, he has become more manageable for lack of a better way to phrase it. We’re able to reason with him for the most part at least. Just remember that it will get better, and a lot of the traits that make spirited kids so difficult to parent also make them some of the most successful adults!
I am not a mom yet but love reading about your trials and tribulations. “Real life” is inspiring!
Thank you for posting this! This has been my life the last month or so with my 3 year old daughter. She is SO incredibly strong willed! My 2 year old son is now picking up on her behavior and is starting to do this as well. Just this last Sunday at church, I was the mom whose daughter was screaming at the top of her lungs, in front of all the other moms and kids, that she didn’t want to go into her classroom. How you pulled SJ aside and tried to calm him down, that’s exactly what I tried. And like you said, it just got worse! And I too used to judge other moms, thinking “Wow! How can they let their child act like this?” Oh I am so happy you wrote this. We can’t do this without God’s guidance. Keep praying Mandy 🙂 It’s all in His plan.
I can totally relate. My oldest is 3 and a half and the past few weeks have been the most difficult ones I’ve ever experienced with him so far. I also have a 1 year old and I’m pregnant (9 weeks along) with my third so needless to say, emotions (and hormones!!!) are running high around here these days.
I’m happy things are settling back down for you. It can be so exhausting sometimes. I try to tell myself “this too shall pass”!!
There is always one that is more challenging than the others, or maybe it’s that they rotate being the challenger. They definitely test us and push us and make us learn more about ourselves. Turning to God is a great idea Mandy and it’s something I need to do more often. Thanks for the reminder.
I am sorry for your recent struggles…oh man. Haven’t we all been there?! Even when we swore we would never have “that” child or be “that” mother. It happens to all of us at some point and time…maybe with a 3 yr old, maybe with a 7 year old, maybe with a 16 year old.
It’s almost a test…are we going to break? can we survive it? Prayer, Faith and Friends…yes we can! Sometimes most of all when we accept it for what it is and start looking at from the outside in! Many prayers your way that the light at the end of the tunnel comes soon (though not THAT tunnel, you know what I mean!) Thanks for sharing- makes us all remember we are not alone! :-}
Parenting isn’t easy. They don’t come with a “how too” handbook when they are born. The thing that worked great for me was time out. No matter where we were. Then, always explaining to them why they got a time out once they have settled down and always followed by, I love you. No one knows better then God. Praying is your best tool.
I am SO THERE RIGHT NOW! My younger son is three at the moment and I keep saying, I thought my older son was hard but this little man is 10 times harder to handle.
Thanks for the reminder to lean on God! Prayer is a tool I don’t use too often when it comes to my parenting.
PS. I also keep telling myself that if he is this strong willed now then maybe later in life he won’t listen to his friends when they try to pressure him to do something stupid…like drugs ;P
I always say nothing knocks me to my knees like being a parent. With four kids and one more on the way I’ve learned that I am growing and learning right along with my kids. Remember to breath and then go home sit and form a game plan. Share the new plan to deal with behavior with your partner, high five, and then stick to it. I can’t wait to hear what you’ve been doing 🙂
I remember when my son acted out when he was younger. He is 14 now so I am dealing with the stubborn teen years however when he was small he was a fit thrower and it felt as if no amount of begging and taking things away for punishment would do me any good. We did a whole lot of praying and a bit of pulling our hair out but with time it got better. God will grant you strength to handle your son. Hang in there.
I feel your pain! I also have one child who is a bit more “feisty” than average. He often embarrasses me on outings with my friends and their kids that are similar in age, well, because he’s a little too proud of his feisty. He’s approaching 4 and it’s getting better… but MAN! There were times I never thought we’d make it. Or I just thought I’d never be able to bring him anywhere in public. LOL. Always love your posts Momma!
I feel your pain! I also have one child who is a bit more “feisty” than average. He often embarrasses me on outings with my friends and their kids that are similar in age, well, because he’s a little too proud of his feisty. He’s approaching 4 and it’s getting better… but MAN! There were times I never thought we’d make it. Or I just thought I’d never be able to bring him anywhere in public. LOL. Always love your posts Momma!
Thank you for this post. It is nice to hear someone else is having the same struggles. God is definately teaching me to rely on Him!