I wrote this post over 2 years ago, right after one of the scariest incidents in my life, but was too shaken up to post it.
I’m posting it now in hopes that it will remind you how important it is to ALWAYS be looking when your kids are in or near the pool. Or any body of water for that matter.
And maybe you don’t need reminded. If not, good. But just in case you are that mother that thinks you are in control of all situations in life (like I thought)…here’s a few reasons why you are not.
It was the beginning of the summer {summer 2012} and we had just opened the pool {one of our favorite things about the summer}. We had invited some of our favorite friends over and planned to be by the pool all day soaking in the sun.
P had just learned how to swim without his floaties at the end of the previous summer and I thought he would need some time to warm back up to his daring ways.
I was wrong. To my surprise he was swimming in the deep end within the first 5 minutes of being in the water.
Bents, on the other hand, had no idea how to swim. AND to make it worse….he hated his life jacket. Or floaties. Or any type of flotation device that we tried to make him wear.
UGH!
It was literally a fight. Knock-down-drag-out fight.
Tears and tantrums. Throwing his body on the concrete tantrums. Yea. THAT.
So, we did what we NEVER should have ever done and allowed him to walk on the pool deck sans life jacket {mistake numero uno}.
I know, go ahead and tell me what a bad parent I am.
But, really don’t.
I already feel guilty enough.
You know how they always say, “It just takes that one time…”
Well, let me speak some truth into that for you.
Bents was walking around the pool deck {towards the deep end to be exact} when one of the kids pushed him in.
First let me say this, the kid that pushed him in did not do it to be mean. The older boys had been pushing each other in the deep end for half the afternoon {for fun}. When he went to push Bents in, he had no idea that he was doing anything wrong. He thought Bents would just play along like Parker had been the whole time.
I was standing in the shallow end chatting with one of my girlfriends. There were no cell phones involved. No distractions other than her and I having a normal conversation…about life jackets versus arm floats – ironically.
I had just had my eye on Bents while he was walking around the pool deck. I looked away for one second. ONE.
The next thing I hear is P yelling, “He pushed him in!! He pushed him in!!”
Of course, I hear kids screaming things all the time. It doesn’t necessarily prompt me to look in their direction. Especially when 90% of the time they are just being loud and obnoxious and, well, acting like kids.
I didn’t even immediately look towards the screaming when I heard P say “He pushed him in!!” It didn’t dawn on me that he could have meant my BENTS.
But Parker got louder. And there was something in his voice that sounded like panic. So I turned my head that direction just to make sure all was ok.
When I look over all I can see is the tip of Bents’ hair bobbing in the water.
It was quiet. No noise. No splashing. No flailing arms. Just like they tell you it will be except NOW…you are finally believing them.
I immediately started swimming towards him. I almost felt like I was drowning because I was so frantic about getting to him that I was flailing my arms around. You wouldn’t think that swimming from the shallow end to the deep end could ever feel so distant.
My friend got to him before I did and pulled him out of the water. I was sure he was going to come up coughing, spitting water, needing CPR, something.
My heart was racing. It probably only took us 20 seconds to get to him, but those 20 seconds felt like 20 minutes.
When he came out of the water he gasped for air and then looked completely scared out of his mind.
He was breathing. He was fine. Praise Jesus!
But mama wasn’t fine.
Oh my word, I almost had a heart attack. And after I got over the thank-you-God-that-my-baby-is-ok phase, the guilt set in.
This was all my fault. We let him walk around the pool without a flotation device knowing good and well that he wouldn’t be able to swim if he was to fall or get pushed in. Isn’t my ONE job as a parent {besides to raise my kids to know God} to protect them?
All because I didn’t want to “fight” him to wear the life jacket. REALLY?
I am here to tell you something…I witnessed firsthand how it could only take “that one time” and I would not wish it upon any mother.
It was not one of my finer parenting choices. I don’t care how bad you think “Oh, I can watch him…” or “Oh, I’ll see him if he falls in…” I am here to preach it….it only takes seconds of looking away.
I consider myself a good mom. A mom that is overbearing and controlling. I don’t even like my kids to climb up the playground equipment at the park in fear that they will fall and break an arm. So this is not about whether you label yourself as a “good mom”.
I made a bad choice. I let him make the rules instead of putting my foot down and standing my ground. All to avoid a tantrum.
You can bet from THAT moment on he was not allowed anywhere near the pool without a life jacket (remember this was 2 years ago before he learned to swim – which explains why he is fishing near the pool without floaties this year – ha!).
It was a lesson learned the hard way, but one I am thankful we learned early on in the summer of 2012.
I still think back to that day. To that moment. To how different that outcome could have been if only P had not been a witness to him falling in. It could have been the worst day of my life.
I got lucky. But every mother does not.
What if I wouldn’t have turned my head. What if I would have kept talking for just one more minute. What if…what if…what if.
So please please please, if you ever have those moments where you think “My child will be fine. I’m watching.” and let them be near water without protection, STOP yourself. Be strong and stand your ground.
It only takes that one time.
That is so scary mama!! I get super nervous when we go to the pool with our little ones. They are just too brave for their own good and it always makes me a nervous wreck before they have their floaties on. I’m glad your little guy was okay though!
Oh my goodness, brave is like my 4 year olds middle name. 🙂
This happened to us last week! I forgot the floaties at home and assumed my 3 year old would obey and not get in the pool while I took my younger one across the pool until I got back to his side. Wrong. I don’t know how long it would have taken me to notice he was in/under the water unless the lifeguard hadn’t jumped up, preparing to jump in. In the moment I was ok… but that night, after thinking about the whole thing… man. We actually just got back from the pool for the first time since the “incident.” Thank you for sharing this… it takes courage to share things like this because people are mean and not in this parenting thing together and can make you feel like the worst mom in the world. We’re just humans, raising tiny humans.
I’m so glad he was ok Meg!! So scary! It literally is so entirely crazy how it takes only seconds. Thanks for sharing this!
Mandy, this is one of the worst posts I have ever read but I’m so glad I did! It literally made me nauseous. I am so glad you did this post today!! I need to remember to be more careful. You are so right. It only takes one time.
Thank you Shay! It truly was so scary, but I thank God that it happened when it did because it opened my eyes to a whole new world and made me 100 times more careful around the water!
Just reading this made my heart race, how scary. You are a great mama and you are so right that it only takes one second. As much as we believe we can keep our eyes on our children at all times we also know that it’s not possible. So thankful of the outcome and that sweet Bents was ok.
Thank you Liz!
This post just got me teary-eyed, because I KNOW things like this happen everyday. It’s a good reminder for everyone…and I’ll be extra vigilant on vacation with my soon-to-be 3 year old and his life vest.
I’m glad it was good reminder Danielle! Thanks for the comment!
Things really do happen for a reason, right? I’ve been agonizing relentlessly because our neighbor does not have their inground pool enclosed. I worry all the time my kids (or someone else’s) will wander in with a tragic outcome. We previously reported it ( because it is illegal), and nothing was done (politics, friends with the zoning officer, etc). I couldn’t take it any longer and sent out 3 separate letters today to have it addressed for good. I’ve been agonizing if I did the right thing. Thank you so much for posting this topic. It really helped me come to terms that whatever backlash may come my way from our neighbors, I know I did the right thing. What are the odds that I was sitting here grappling over this and then read your blog….? So, thank you!!!
YOU DID THE RIGHT THING!! I promise you that! Good job!
Thank goodness you were right there and that he was okay! So scary!
Thank you Jenny! I’m a psycho by the pool now! Haha!
As the mom of a almost 21 year old things never get less scary for us moms. But this is why I think it is very important that babies are taught how to roll over and float. That way they don’t panic. I was adamant about mine being in the water as early as possible and learning how to float. It can save their lives is they learn not to fear water and how to float.
I think that is so true! Unfortunately we don’t have great programs where I live that allows parents to enroll their kids into swim lessons like that. We have “group” swim lesson settings. I know my neighbor moved to IL from FL and she said they have AMAZING swim lesson programs where they teach kids to float on their backs like that at like 18 months. We had our boys in lessons, but honestly…they didn’t learn much there.
I am with Liz. My heart is racing right now too. It’s so scary when you know what COULD HAVE HAPPENED with things like that, then to know you would have been responsible makes it that much worse. Kudos to you for sharing something that I know is hard to admit to your self but then you posted it for all to see. I love that God can use your story to save little lives. Thanks for sharing!!!
Thank you Rose! I hope it helps to spread the word about water safety! Even if it’s just one person who takes my advice.
Thanks for taking the courage to share. I never thought about another kid pushing them in.
I didn’t think of it either Meagan! It seems like it’s so logical, but it’s not right? I mean, I thought…as long as he doesn’t jump or fall in he’s fine. Never did I even envision him being pushed in.
Thank you so much for this. I think we all get more and more confidant around the water as our kids become better swimmers, but the truth is that it will never be a safe place no matter how well they swim – adults still even need some supervision.
That is so so true! Even though my oldest is a great swimmer I still worry! Water is just scary because so much can happen so quickly.
Struggling with safety issues right now in my marriage. Husband leaves 3 yr old alone in bathtub, had a huge fight over it. Thought we were on the same page til I caught him leaving her in her kiddie pool with no floaties at all while he came inside for an ice water. His response? She needs to experience some things without us . I about lost it. I am so frustrated with his lack of common sense with the kids safety that its making me not want to even leave him alone with them. Bad feeling. Its bad enough knowing how easy accidents can happen but its so much harder when u have a husband who thinks accidents DONT ever happen. Ugh. So glad your story had a happy ending.
I can relate to that and I think every mother can as well. Sometimes men aren’t as “protective” as us mommas are. I know my husband is a great father, but he lets the boys do things that I would never let them do. It drives me crazy sometimes. I agree with you though…being left in the tub or the baby pool is so dangerous. I’m glad you are standing your ground! Be strong and know that we all go through what you are experiencing!
This post brings back one of the saddest memories. My parents had planned a fun day for my kids. So, my Husband and I decided we were going to spend the day by the pool. I had turned my chair around and actually mentioned to my husband that it was nice to not have to worry about the kids that day. We would always sit at opposites sides of the pool while they swam. (Yes! I am a over protector.) Even though, Anything, at anytime can happen. So, that was the way we sat at the pool while thy swam.
My husband and I were enjoying the sun when we heard a scream. A father had found their 10 year old son at the bottom of the jacuzzi. This boy knew how to swim well. I had seen him at the pool before. However. He had a seizure disorder. Not the kind where he would shake. He had the kind where he would just pass out. Sadly, he had one and fell into the jacuzzi. He asked to use the bathroom. They thought that is where he was.
Hi father pulled him out and was yelling for help. He was asking if anyone knew CPR. I ran over and started CPR. No one knew how long he was under. I knew as I was giving CPR, that that sweet, precious boy was gone. My heart sunk. I couldn’t believe it. I know you hear about children drowning all the time. But, I never thought that I would see it.
Now, my daughter has 3 children. they are in swimming lessons. They will continue to go until we are positive they can get to the side of the pool if they ever fall in. The fear I have around water now is so intense.
You are right Mandy,it only takes a second. A second that can change your life forever.
Thank you for posting this.
Wow, this reply and this post really got to me. As a nurse, my heart sank reading this. A very sad situation. Thank you for being brave enough to share.
Hi mandy, i love your blog and everything you share. Thank you for being so honest woth such a real subject. We put our son when he was 3 in ISR classes. They are not advertised as swim classes, but rather infant swim resource, how kids survive if they fall in. Holy heck, youtube it, its nuts! I had to have the hubs take him because it was intense. Water is no joke to mess around with, thank GOD he was ok!
How scary! My 2 year old LOVES the pool and we have to get the puddle jumper on him the second we get to the pool because he tries to run and jump right in. I think next summer we will look into swimming lessons.
Oh my gawwd. I felt so much anxiety reading this. We almost bought a house with a pool in the back, but I’m too terrified to own one. Of course we have a kiddy pool, but even then I’m always telling the hubs, make sure you don’t leave them alone around that thing, not even for a second!! It’s so scary. I am so happy that this didn’t end tragically for you. I think it’s great that you shared this, so that other moms can see that things like this can even happen to great moms. Every time something tragic like this happens & people comment on it they always attack the parents on how horrible they are for not watching their kid. But SOMETIMES things happen. Even to great parents.
Thank you for sharing this story, Mandy. I’m confident that you have saved a life by bringing this story out in the open. I’m so thankful that God protected your little man that day.