As the holidays quickly approach I can’t help but be reminded that we are still just a family of five.
I thought for sure by now? We would be complete. Our family of six…living happily ever after.
I thought for sure the kids would wake up Christmas morning and we would not only be celebrating the birth of Jesus, but also celebrating the fact that we no longer have to wonder who will complete our family.
We wouldn’t have to long see their face. Or wonder if they will like Power Rangers or Barbie Dolls. We wouldn’t wonder if they were old enough to walk or talk or tell us all about their favorite super hero. We wouldn’t wonder if their room would be pink or blue. Or if they like to sneak cookies like their brothers.
We wouldn’t wonder if they were being properly cared for or if they felt alone or forgotten. Our hearts wouldn’t break wondering if they longed for a forever family.
We wouldn’t wonder because they would wake up Christmas morning right next to us.
But God’s plans are often not our own.
I’m learning that almost on a daily basis these days. And while I want to feel hurt and angry (like I did here) that it’s taking so long for us to hear any news on our child…I know His purpose is greater.
There are so many times that I wonder, “When? When will we be complete? When will you send us our child Lord? When? When? When? Will it be tomorrow? Or next month? Or will we have to wait longer?”
It’s so hard not knowing. But it’s teaching me so much about the God that we serve. Because even though I don’t know any of the answers? I’m confident He does. And I’m trusting that His ways are better planned than mine will ever be.
I like to think of it like this…
If someone could see your future, your ENTIRE life and know how it was going to go? Would you trust them to lead you? Would you trust that they know things that you never will?
The answer for me is YES.
That one thing? Keeps me going.
Because I know God knows. He sees. He has planned. And I know nothing.
I know He can make the decision for me better than I can make it for myself.
When I think back about how I pictured my life to be?
It didn’t involve being a mom of boys. It didn’t involve adopting a child. It didn’t involve enjoying sports and hiking and pretending to be a Ninja Turtle.
It didn’t involve picking out super hero Christmas gifts or decorating rooms in blue.
It didn’t involve being married to a man who fiercely runs after Jesus.
But that’s the wonderful thing about not knowing what the future ever holds because if God would have let ME choose?
I could have never made it this good.
I’m so incredibly thankful for a God who has provided for me what I never knew I even needed. And I’m reminded that He hasn’t failed me yet. Not once.
It gives me great hope to know that, although I feel impatient, I trust Him with the timing. And if it’s not tomorrow? Then it’s not.
Because He sees things I never will.
Read more about our adoption here.