This is a post that I don’t want to write. I have a feeling it won’t make me popular. And after all, isn’t being the “most popular” blogger what really feels good?
Let’s be honest. It does.
I can sit here and lie to you and tell you that I don’t care if I get comments and I don’t care if other people read my blog. I could even lie and say that I write ONLY for me. Or that I don’t get offended when certain bloggers ignore me or won’t follow me back on twitter.
But, as a Christian, lying doesn’t get you far. At least not in God’s eyes.
The truth is…I write this blog for many reasons. Yes, one of them is for me, but MANY more of them are for YOU. I want readers. I want comments. I want to be popular.
Call it human nature. Call it being a woman. Call it what you will. I like to call it the truth.
All of this fuss about “blog rules” really has me thinking. Since when did the king of the internet create blog rules? In fact, isn’t that what is so enticing about the internet? There are no rules.
I think what it comes down to is judgement. Everyone has an opinion on “how” they think people should run their blogs. It’s so easy to judge others and say “Well, I would NEVER do a giveaway on my blog”…or…”How dare she disclose how much money she makes”…or “Can you believe she doesn’t reply to every comment she gets”…
Trust me. I’m guilty as charged. I find myself “judging” other blogs all of the time. I am no better than you.
But you know what we should be doing instead of judging? We should be supporting one another. We will all be judged one day…and it won’t be by any fellow blogging friends. I think we tend to lose sight of that. Don’t you?
And while we are on the subject of “all things NOT popular” can we talk about “50 Shades”?
Yes, “50 Shades of Grey”.
*Did she just go there? Why, yes she did.
I’m not writing this because I am trying to start a huge debate. I’m writing it because I am truly conflicted.
I think every friend I know has read it.
I own the book. I bought it off Amazon about 4 weeks ago.
Every part of me wants to read it. I want to see what the big hype is. Why every living woman thinks this book is the best thing since sliced bread.
But, then, there is this very HUGE part of me that doesn’t want to read it. And before you go thinking I am judging YOU for reading it let me say this…
Everyone has their OWN opinion. Their OWN beliefs and their OWN reasons. If you are OK with reading it and, in your heart, you were not conflicted then that is fine with me. I do not think ANY less of you.
I am just trying to decipher how I {ME not YOU} really feel about it.
*You read that right? I am not saying “YOU” should feel a certain way.” I am saying “this is how I feel.”
You may or may not agree with me. And that is ok.
After all, when was the last time that someone was argued into being saved by Christ? Never.
OK, so let’s talk about a few things, shall we?
I’ve been told that this book talks a lot about…
- Bondage “tying, binding, or restraining a person for the sexual, aesthetic, and/or psychological pleasure of the parties involved.“
- Dominance “the state that exists when one person or group has power over another.“
- Sadism “derivation of pleasure as a result of inflicting pain or watching pain inflicted on others.“
- Masochism “the receiving of pleasure—often sexual—from acts involving the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation.“
It is classified as erotic literature. In case you need me to define that too…
“fictional and factual stories and accounts of human sexual relationships which have the power to or are intended to arouse the reader sexually.”
Can we agree that most of those things are not okay? Tell me we can at least agree on that.
Is reading about it in a book really any different? God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love not pain and humiliation. It seems to me that this book not only misuses sex, but it redefines it into something hurtful and evil.
If the tables were turned, and my husband was going crazy over the male equivalent of “50 Shades”, posting about it on Facebook and Twitter, do you think I would be mortified? You can give that a big fat yes. I don’t care if all of his other friends were doing it. Last time I checked…if all your other friends were jumping off a cliff, would you jump too?! No!
In fact, if I’m being uber-honest here…I have been in previous relationships where porn was an issue. Do you know how that made me feel? Not so lovely. In fact, I was very hurt.
But then there is the part of me that hears this…
“The book is just descriptive writing.”
“You must read this book because it will do crazy things for your sex drive.”
“There actually is a really good plot/story line despite all the sex.”
“50 Shades of Grey made me want to jump my husband and swing from the ceiling fan.”
I like to think that my husband and I have a pretty great sex life {TMI}, but who doesn’t like the idea of a “better sex drive”? And when my friend told me it made her want to “swing from the ceiling fan”…I thought to myself…NOTHING has ever made me want to swing from the ceiling fan. Maybe I need to read this.
But do you know what I want more than to go swinging from my ceiling fan {which I’m pretty sure would not hold me anyway}?
I want to honor God.
If I were standing in church being asked if I read this book…what would I want my answer to be? Or if I were at the feet of Jesus being asked this very question, what would I want to say? Would I be willing to admit to my small group that I jumped on the bandwagon and read “50 Shades”?
And just because pornography is accepted in society doesn’t mean that Christian women should accept it. We are called to be different.
So the conflict in my heart remains…is it sin or not to read “50 Shades of Grey”?
Tell me what you think…gently.
As I saw your tweet to read this friend, one of my favorite songs, “Joy” by The Newsboys came on my Ipod. It speaks of God’s love no matter what, no matter if you are the most popular blogger on the planet or choose to read a book that “everyone else is.” I appreciate your honesty in this post, it’s refreshing and authentic. That’s part of the reason why you are among my favorite bloggers. God loves you for who you are and that will never change.
Thank you Adrienne! You are right…God loves no matter what and that is the best part about Him! 🙂
I read all 3 of them and I enjoyed them. They’re ridiculous reads, and I would absolutely never do the things the books described. That being said, it was kind of interesting to read a little bit about that stuff. Morbid curiosity I guess. I didn’t like that the female lead character was weak and so obsessed with a man. If I ever have a daughter, I would hope that she wasn’t like that. I just kind of took them for what they were: fast, easy reads, with sex scenes. Truth be told, the sex scenes got so repetitive that by the middle of book 2 that I was skipping them to read that actual story. A lot of my friends said the same thing. My opinion is that if the idea of reading them makes you uncomfortable, don’t read them. They’re good books, but if you feel they go against your moral and religious beliefs, they’re not worth it 🙂
I think that is the part that bothers me about the sex scenes…that they are full of dominance and hate. It’s not that reading about sex makes me uncomfortable, but reading about that kind of sex does. I like your advice though. Thanks for your input!
If you haven’t read the books then how do you know that the sex scenes are full of dominance and hate? I have read all 3 of them and I didn’t walk away feeling that any of the sex scenes in the book have an ounce of hate in them at all.
That is a very good point! I only know what I have been told by others! It is truly hard to judge a book without reading it with my own eyes…which again is another reason I am intrigued to read it. So that I can form my own opinion based on my interpretation and not someone else’s. Nice to hear someone say that they didn’t think the sex was hate driven. I haven’t heard that perspective yet! Thanks for your input!
Good job writing this. I do not understand the hype about this book. It is basically porn.
I read all 3 books. I enjoyed the plot/love story. I wish there were more books because I really enjoyed the characters. As your friend said this book made me want to swing from the ceiling fan as well. Let’s just say my husband was a happy camper when I was reading these books. Lol
I believe that sex is a healthy part of a realationship. That being said as long as you and your husband (partner) are okay with what you are reading and/or watching and/or doing then I think it’s perfectly okay.
I personally think that if you and your husband want to tie each other up & lick peanut butter of your toes then get down with your bad selves. More power to you. I think the problem comes when one person is uncomfortable or unhappy with something. I think as a christian sex with your husband is okay and however you want to do it is okay. As long as you are both in agreement and happy with it. I also think that this book didn’t have me lusting over someone else, it made me lust for my husband which is 100% okay.
I would have to say that I completely agree with you on the fact that sex is a healthy part of a relationship. And agreed that if we were both happy doing the things that go on in this book it would be ok. I think it’s the fact that it wasn’t healthy sex. The dominance and sadism part make me uncomfortable.
But, I have heard that book 2 & 3 are more of a love story…is that true?
Yes the second and third are more of a love story, I liked them both more than the first book. I understand about being uncomfortable with the sadism & dominance but as the books go on it turns into more of them both doing what’s comfortable for them. It starts out heavily domineering but as their relationship grows the sex changes in my opinion. It turns more into a give and take, loving, happy couple doing things that aren’t the “norm”. I was a little put off at first but the more I read I really enjoyed it.
I’m only on book 2, but when I first started reading book 1 I really didn’t like it. I thought this guy is crazy and this girl is crazy for going along with it. I was truly disgusted but I couldn’t stop reading. Book 2 is definitely a love story though. Not as much dominance etc. if you feel convicted about it don’t read it though. Nothing wrong with the way you feel.
“Convicted” is definitely how I have been feeling. But, I have also been very “curious” to see what everyone is so excited about. I guess when I have those 2 conflicting voices in my head…I know which one I should follow! Thank you for your input!
I want to hug you! Everything in the top part I so so so agree with. I’m not sure how I feel about the actual book, I guess I just don’t take it seriously. I also don’t read the stuff that most people read (my parents are nerds, it totally infected my brothers and I). I have a love affair with the words of Cormac McCarthy, James Agee, etc. On a less serious note, I bet you are going to get some crazy hits on this post Haha!
Big giant {hug}!
And let’s hope the crazy comments don’t come. I am hoping for honesty and truth behind what people really believe!
I feel exactly the same way you do abt the books. I was interested at first but then really thought abt it. And put the sex aside I’ve heard the writing is horrible. I’m an avid reader and poor writing would just annoy me. I read a few romance novels and even those made me uncomfortable. I’m not a prude by any means just feel like anything sexual should stay between the hubs and I.
I’ve never been popular. Sometimes I wonder what it would be like but I’m happy with myself. When I started connecting in the blogosphere I was worried abt how many followers. But I took a step back and reminded myself that I’m blogging to connect with my readers. So who cares if I have one or 10000? As long as I’m making connections that I’m happy with, that’s all that matters.
Just keeping being you. Us readers love you and your blog even if you jump on the 50 shades bandwagon 🙂
Thank you for your comment! I usually am not in to reading either so it hasn’t been too hard to restrain myself thus far. 🙂
And totally true about “making connections”. That is my favorite part about blogging! Your comment about still loving me if I jump on the 50 Shades bandwagon made me smile! 🙂
I meant even if you *dont jump on the bandwagon.
Haha! Got it! I am glad you will still like me either way.
I love your honesty. I find it refreshing.
To be honest, I was on the fence about this book for quite a while. I don’t tend to read romance and/or erotic novels, not really my thing. One of my friends had the trilogy and said I could borrow it. I figured I’d check it out, if I didn’t like it, then I would read it. I found it to be a bit much at times, but the storyline (outside of all the sex) was good enough to keep me interested.
If its not something you’re comfortable with, then don’t read it. I’m sure it won’t be long before there’s another “must read” trilogy (or book) that won’t make you uncomfortable.
Thank you Jenna! Appreciate your input!
I think I am just as conflicted as you about these books. Oddly enough, I feel more clear about Magic Mike. I thought about how I’d feel if my husband wanted to go ogle hot strippers (IRL or on a movie screen) and I therefore chose not to go watch it. Like you, though, I don’t judge all my friends who want to see it.
Back to the books? Hm. I don’t know. I have Christian friends who say that it spiced up their sex life with their husbands, so for that, it might be a good thing. But the truth is, I don’t find the time to read my Bible far too often. I should probably pick that up first. I’ll probably keep wrestling with this for a while. I’ll let you know if something changes. 😉
Completely agree about Magic Mike! I actually think I am much more clear on that because it’s easier to say “yea, I would not want my husband getting extremely stoked for the Victoria Secret Fashion Show on tv every year.” Haha! Thanks for your input!
I LOVE your post! Thank you for being you and being real! Those are some of the same things I’m struggling with! I love your blog and love that you can talk about the hard stuff and be honest!!!!
Thank you so much! Truly appreciated! I try to be as real as I can {even if it’s not popular} so it feels good to have you say that!
I just wrote a post about this the other day. I tried to read the first book cause of the hype and I hated it. I hated how he treated her, I hated the writing I hated everything. I am super liberal and this was TOO MUCh for me. I feel ya.
I must have missed it!! I MUST go read it now!!
I don’t mean to be harsh, but I think you are reading too much into it. It’s just a book. Haven’t you ever read/watched a murder mystery book/movie? Doesn’t make murder right, just a good read/watch. It doesn’t mean that you agree with murder or anything like that. Same goes for this story. I am a Christian, and have read all three books and I did find the first a little difficult because it is so different than anything I have ever read. But, yes, the second and third do focus much more on the “love story”.
I also think it is difficult to judge the books when you have not read them. So many of your comments start with “I’ve heard…”. They were SO much different than I expected from what I “heard”. I am glad I read them because they were a great story. I read a lot of books and again, they were very different than anything I normally read.
Read them or not, it is for sure your choice, but I don’t feel that reading them makes you any less of a Christian. I don’t think God cares if you read “Fifty Shades”, as He knows what is in your heart. Just my opinion, as others have theirs as well. Good luck on making your decision.
Wow, honestly I never thought of it that way. Very good points about reading/watching things about murder {especially since 20/20 is my favorite show). And you are very right about trying to judge a book before you read it. All I have to go off of is what “others” are saying. I guess if I want my own TRUE opinion then I would have to read it. Ha! Just not sure I would feel right about reading it. Thanks so much for your input!
I would also like to add: If you do start, keep going!! The tough material is in the beginning and gets better. =)
Well. This is honestly about the third time I’ve read your blog, and I love a good controversial topic! 🙂 Especially when it involves someone who desires to go against what culture says is awesome and move towards what God says is eternally significant. Now, I haven’t read any of the books (or done much research on them, for that matter), but in my opinion, it’s not even worth debating. If you read what you just wrote (and you consider that there has been something holding you back from reading a book you already purchased) I think you answered your own question!
It’s funny you say that because after I wrote it, I thought the same thing. If I am debating over it this much…there must be something holding me back! Thanks for your input!
I love the post and I love your blog! I read the books and I guess because I’m a super nerd I skimmed over the sex stuff and was way more interested in the book digging into why the characters felt compelled to act like they do and battling those demons. It is shocking to say the very least, even with the pre-warning it gets graphic. The writing wasn’t the greatest, but I did very much like the last book since it focused more on the emotions and relationships changing and growing. I guess it depends on what you’re looking for in the book, I was looking for a book easy to pick up and put down that I heard was good since I read a lot. Stay true to yourself and God no matter what me or anyone else says. I think you’re the most popular blog person ever if that helps 🙂
I have heard that books 2 & 3 are more about love and less about BDSM. I appreciate your input and opinion!
So crazy you have wrote this post because me and a friend were just talking about this today and how we felt. I have the book but haven’t started it yet…. I like your opinion and what you think, as I hadn’t thought if that way. I do want to honor God as well. The again I think well it is just a book, it is not what I am doing, it is not real I am just reading it.. but then like you said… would you want to read it in front of your congregation? Alot to think about……
Don’t know if I will move forward and read it or put it back in the drawer!!
That’s exactly what keeps holding me back…would I want to tell my small group that I am reading it? Sounds silly, but if I am not willing to admit it to them than maybe it means there is something not right about it. But you’re right…then again it is JUST a book. 🙂
I completely understand what you are saying. And the fact that they are going to make a movie of the book?! How can they manage that without making it complete porn?
What bothers me is that most rated R movies in this day in age are similar to 50 Shades but on a smaller scale. There is graphic sex and there is nudity in many movies. So I’m just curious as to how you feel when it comes to rated R movies? (The Vow was pretty raunchy if you ask me) I’m not judging at all, I just have been thinking about this lately. Even if we are honoring God by not reading this book, if we go see a raunchy movie, is that just as bad?
By the way, I have read several posts against the book and yours, by far, has been the most convicting without being too “shove-it-down-your-throat-this-is-what-the-Bible-says” kind of post. I felt like you said the truth and it made total sense. So, thank you!
I was thinking that same thing…the movie would have to be classified as porn. Interesting point about rated R movies. I do watch rated R movies (without a second thought to it). I don’t watch very many movies because we mostly watch Tom & Jerry and Thomas the Train around here, but when I do watch movies I never look at whether it’s rated PG13 or R…I just watch. But, you have a very valid point. Thank you for bringing that up! I need to be better at honoring God in all aspects of my life…not just in what books I am or am not reading. I truly appreciate your comment! Great input!
I definitely need to be more careful too! Unfortunately, society makes that difficult to do. I guess that’s just the devil trying to distract us from God’s path!
I was so glad to see this post. I too, had to ask what all the hype was about 50 shades of grey, and after hearing it, wasn’t so sure I wanted to read it. I don’t mind a cheesy romance novel, but one that glorifies BDSM?? No thanks. As a mother of two girls, I want to teach them positive things about sexuality (when they’re at the right age) – reading this book wouldn’t make me a very good example…
Yea, BDSM is not my idea of great sex either. I tend to disagree with sex that is not mutually accepting by both parties involved. 🙂 Definitely true about setting an example for your children! Thank you for your input!
Hi Mandy! I applaud you for sticking to your morals and questioning if this book is right for you. I have not read the book, however, have been asking around lately to see what the hype is all about. Based on what I have heard and now especially after reading your post, I don’t think it’s for me. I have enough confidence that the hubs and I will be just fine without it 🙂
I think it’s all about personal preference, good for you for not jumping the band wagon right away if it’s not something you feel right about.
I hope you and the boys had a happy 4th!
Thank you Karen! Yes, the more I learn…the less I want to read. I like what others have said about if it doesn’t feel right in your heart than don’t do it. I hope you all had a wonderful fourth of July too!!
A co-worker and I were having this same discussion yesterday- I am reading the books now and she hasn’t and doesn’t want to but after we talked that she may later once the commotion dies down. At first I didn’t really want to read the series either and only bought them because I was SO curious if they were really that good or just one of those things that take off. So I’m halfway through the second book now and want to give you my thoughts on the books without giving to much away in case you decide to read them: The story is poignant but funny at times, the sex/love scenes are way less about s&m and more about feelings than you’d think but there are a lot of them and I did skip past a few but they’re actually important to the story, also I have to say that the characters are really compelling and believable and are what has kept me reading the books.
Still there are probably a million books that are just as good or better than this series though so if you’re really uncomfortable with the sex scenes than you won’t be missing much.
Thanks for your input! I’m okay with reading the sex scenes if they are on the foundation of love, but not so much if it’s all about BDSM. I heard the book 2 & 3 are more about love so maybe I would like those better. 🙂
Great post and I totally respect your opinion. To be honest, I thought I’d hear more opinions like yours coming from the blog world when everyone was reading the books.
I’m a big believer in believing and having faith – whatever it is you choose to believe.
But if you really boil the story down, it’s about a man who was horribly physically and mentally abused and turned to those horrible things as a way to cope. And if you keep reading, you go through his journey of finding unconditional love (like God’s) and learning that it’s far more powerful than the negative behaviors that had been helping him to cope. In the end, he wanted what most Christians want – marriage, children and a life of happiness with the people he loves most. Sure – he still gets a little freaky in the bedroom…but the God I believe in doesn’t really mind 🙂
I finished the books occasionally thinking about things that maybe I shouldn’t, but always reminding myself that even with all the money, sex and craziness, the main characters ultimately wanted exactly what both you and I have in life – an amazing partner and children that fill our lives with love.
Thanks for the detailed response! I have been hearing from others that the sex was not BDSM…I can read about sex as long as it is based on love. Just not if it’s based on hate and dominance. Appreciate your input!
I read the first book and to be honest, I don’t understand all the hype. It’s not well written and the whole love story wasn’t that great, but maybe that’s because I only read book 1. I really think all of the hype is because of the sexual nature of these books. I wouldnt recommend them. I wish I would have considered it more (as you are doing) before reading it.
I wrote a long post on this back in May, so instead of just reiterating myself, I’ll point you there: http://www.anniewiltse.com/2012/05/fading-black-white-to-50-shades-of-grey.html
I think 50 Shades of Grey espouses a number of things that cause us to take our minds from God. And I think the happy ending – as far as I know from what I’ve heard – is misleading. First, because things don’t tend to work that way in real life. Second, because we begin to believe that maybe, once in a while, they do.
The thing I try to ask myself when it comes to things like this is: would this help or hinder my relationship with Christ? Will this bring me closer to or take me further from the feet of Jesus? I find once I know those answers, it’s easy to figure out if a given thing is sin or not.
Wow, really enjoyed reading your take on it! “but when Christ came to set us free from the law, that we might live under grace, He set also a new standard. it is now not just our actions, but our thoughts we must take captive to Christ.” Love this line…and so very true. It’s not just our actions, but our thoughts too! Appreciate your input!
I work at a Costco and read a snippet of this book, I didn’t like that it is about bondage, so, no I am choosing not to read it. A co worker said her 17 year old daughter was begging for the book since all the teen girls are reading it. I told her what I saw and she decided not to buy that for a teenager. But I don’t like that it’s about bondage and domination. So I am proud of you for deciding not to read it. Looked like porn to me.
Very glad she didn’t let her teenage daughter read it! If I’m worried that my 31 year old eyes won’t be able to handle it…I am sure it could have ruined a 17 year old. Thank you for your comment!
Perhaps, it is because we are getting older or, perhaps, it’s because we are finally coming to terms with the state of the world we are raising children in but all of us are realizing that the line must be drawn somewhere. For some of us that “line” is Fifty Shades. I for one don’t have to read something for myself to understand what it truly is. Even those who have read the books explain them as highly sexual and most are now searching for something equivalently, or even more shocking, to read next. Every time we time fill our minds with things contrary to God’s word we become more and more desensitized to the evils of this world. A bit extreme? Maybe so, but it’s been our utter lack of indifference that makes us appear the same as everyone else. I for one am ready to be different and I want my girls to be too.
Really loved this response! Thank you for your input! Very true about coming to terms with the state of the world we are raising our children in. Scary stuff!
I know I already told you this, but here’s a HUGE hug for you!! Your honesty is refreshing and appreciated and says a lot about you and your character. I have yet to read the books though I’m not sure that I ever will. I have nothing against them honestly, I’m just not sure how they would make me feel so why let my mind go there. I don’t think that reading the books make you any less of a Christian but the points that you brought up are all so valid. And turning the tables onto our husbands and how would we feel if they read something like that? Not so lovely 🙂
I love how you said “I don’t think reading the books would make you any less of a Christian” because I completely agree with you! I think God loves no matter what and if I chose or choose to read it…he would love me the same! God’s grace is amazing! Thank you for your input Nina! XOXO
Thank you for saying what I couldn’t out loud. As passive person who is a Christian and not wanting to step on others toes (although I secretly want too!) Sidestepping that conversation on the book makes me feel just fine. Bravo to being real; girlfriend talk about sex is one thing but a book club discussion with strangers on that subject. I’d rather eat the book.
Thank you for saying that because sometimes I find myself being an extremely passive Christian {almost too passive}. It’s nice to speak out for what you believe at times even if it goes against the crowd!
Great post!!!! 🙂 XOXO
Thank you April!
Well you know me girlfriend…I love to jump on the bandwagon of a good book series so I purchased 50 Shades months ago. Almost everyone I know has read it. Including Jan, who swears she read it for the storyline and skipped all the sex. I actually believe that too. She’s not into that sort of reading. It makes her blush. Ha! And she did say that the storyline is interesting if you look past the “uncomfortable parts”. Well, I gave it a go and read about 4 chapters and was just like Meh…not for me. I don’t know…I just get such little time to read anymore that if I am going to do it, I want to read something more “me”. You know how I love my young adult fiction and I would seriously rather spend my time re-reading Harry Potter than mess with 50 Shades. Hahaha!
I think that is the one thing that has made it easier for me to not read…I am not much of a reader to begin with. Maybe if I was…I wouldn’t have had such a conflicted heart about it. I think that totally makes sense. I can just see Jan blushing…hehe! Love it!
Mandy, I saw this post when it showed up in my news feed on Facebook from a mutual friend which commented on your link. It caught my eye because I had been having the exact internal conflict. I think all along the conflict meant my heart was sure it wasn’t okay while the constant talk about it kept my head second guessing. I never did read the series and now I am proud I haven’t. It was this past Sunday at church that our preacher addressed this exact issue but used the movie “Magic Mike” instead. His teachings were the same and explained that just because it is popular, doesn’t make it acceptable and we are called not to tolerate these things and to be examples of good Christian women. I’m not sure why it took that sermon to completely relax my mind and become proud of my decision not to read or watch these things, but it did. Perhaps speaking out about this and seeing that you are not alone in your Christian walk, and the decisions we are often faced with, will help you find comfort too. God bless you.
I would really love to hear a teaching on what our pastor thinks about it. Being a newer Christian, I feel like I have a harder time understanding the Bible and what it says about certain issues. Sometimes I have to google what certain verses mean! I think what you said about “just because it’s popular, doesn’t make it acceptable” is so true. I think that is why I am so confused on why so many people are finding it acceptable?? Thanks for your input!
I read the books without really thinking about the content. Your comment “If the tables were turned, and my husband was going crazy over the male equivalent of “50 Shades”, posting about it on Facebook and Twitter, do you think I would be mortified? You can give that a big fat yes.” really hit home for me. I’m wondering why I didn’t think about some of this stuff beforehand myself. Great post, and a good lesson that things are not always as simple as they may seem.
That is one of the biggest things I think about…wanting my husband to not watch/read stuff that makes him lust over others. I get very hurt if I think he is doing something like that and I don’t want to be the one doing it to him. I am probably thinking TOO much in to this, but that’s just what I do. Haha! Thanks for your input!
Thank you!!! I don’t Read smutty romance novels and I’ve never understood the fascination with them. To me, that’s essentially what this is. As a Christian, I don’t think it’s right. I have 3 young girls and I will discourage them from it as well. If this was a book for men, it would be alled porn. My first husband was a porn addict — not only did it destroy our relationship and trust, he also went outside of the marriage as well. Reading this type of material, as well as exposing ourselves to these things starts to weaken our morals and lessen our sensitivity. Regardless, I am so thrilled to see that other people won’t read the book either. Good for you!
I do think it seems to be considered “porn” and I don’t understand how they would ever make a movie out of it! I have been in past relationships where porn was an issue too and you are right…so hurtful! I don’t want my mind to fall victim to the evil one…whether it be over a stupid book or something bigger.
Boy, you know how to spark some discussion! I was the only woman at our 4th of July party who hadn’t read the books– not for any particular reason– but I just hadn’t. The themes don’t really sound that interesting/appealing to me, but hey, who doesn’t want to swing from the ceiling fan? (and at 31 weeks pregnant, it would definitely NOT hold me!) Thanks for the post and the food for thought.
I know, right? Swinging from the ceiling fan would be like rockstar sex! Haha! Thanks for your input!
Honestly, I am reading them. The first book actually made my stomach turn, it was a little much. The whole thing is kind of silly, basically it is a sweet girl changing a bad boy (we all know that never works!) I have no idea why I kept going, one of my friends said that they get better (of course I listened, lol). The second was much better, it actually had a story line and the sex was toned down.
Anyhow, just found your blog from a pin my friend did of one of the walls in your home! Now your newest follower!
Have a great day!
Thanks for following! So glad you commented! I will head over and check out your blog!
Hey Mandy, I actually read all three books, then taked about them in a group with my high school friends. I was surprised to find out that I was the only one that was uncomfortable with them. The first book actually made me sick to my stomach because of the “rules” the lead man was trying to enforce. Books 2 and 3 were much more tame and sort of turned into a suspense, I was not nearly as uncomfortable reading them. Maybe its a combo of this pregnancy and how uncomfortable I was with the S&M, but it did no favors for our love life. 🙂 Good luck on your decision making process.
I’m with you…I don’t see how BDSM can do wonderful things for my sex life? But, my friends swear their sex lives have been enhanced. It’s interesting. Thanks for your comment!
Thanks for posting this! Bondage and the like aren’t my cup of tea so I’ve decided not to read it. I’m a Christian and I don’t think it would make me any less of one if I did but on a personal and self level I just can’t do it. Even hearing about it makes me uncomfortable ha!
I will admit though it took me a good three years after everybody else to get into Twilight haha
Ok, well I haven’t even read Twilight! Ha! I guess I am not much of a reader anyway so maybe that is why it has been easier for me to restrain myself. Very true that it wouldn’t make you any less of a Christian. Thanks for your input!
I AGREE! I was conflicted for a while bc I thought as a Christian it was not a series that I should read. I finally broke down because people kept going on and on about the psychlogical plot line so I figured maybe the sex stuff wasn’t a big deal. WRONG. You aren’t alone in yoru thought process. And now the same thing goes for Magic Mike. Every woman I know is raving about it and my husband even said “If men acted this way over a movie about strippers women would be livid.” He’s right. Great post.
I actually think I have a clearer feeling about not seeing Magic Mike. I could only imagine if my husband and his buddies were planning a cookout for the night of the Victoria Secret Fashion Show…and talking it up on facebook. It wold make me very mad! Thanks for your comment!
I absolutely love this post! Thank you for writing the words that I have looked and did not have the courage myself to write. I have said all along that the hype of this book and magic mike has me really confused. I would not like it if my husband were actingthis way so why should i be?! cannot say anything at all except THANK YOU!
Amen! Thank you for your input!!
Girl, I totally understand your mixed emotions. Pretty much all my friends have read this book. Yes as intriguing as it maybe my inner voice keeps telling me it’s not something you should be reading. I even bought the book!!! Read first 4 pages, but my inner voice just kept saying would you be comfortable if John was watching inappropriate or reading inappropriate things? Because truthfully its not your husband you are thinking about when you are reading the book…..I mean honestly have you ever read a book and put your face or Jeff’s face as the characters? No so you would be having unpure thoughts of another. In MY OPINION I hate the thought of John having unpure thoughts of another’s so why should I want unpure thoughts of another? I don’t know if that all makes any sense but needless to say I gave the book to a friend and I truthfully feel good about myself for not reading it. But its my own beliefs and how my relationship is with god. Everyone’s is different. Probably didnt help you one bit…it’s just my intake on the book.
Definitely love the “inner voice” comment because that is how I feel. Every time I go to open it…a little voice tells me “don’t do it”. This comment did help me so thank you for posting!
Hey girl I just happened upon this post on your blog and its so funny because I was at a party last weekend where a BUNCH of girls were gushing over how great the book was and how it has spiced up their sex life. So one of them loaned me the first book to read and so far I am very disturbed by the book. I guess in my mind I cannot understand how a healthy relationship involves control, domination and humiliation. Those things do not “turn me on”. Not because I am a “prude” but because I feel like the main character in the book is weak and oh so willing to do anything to please this guy. Even if it means going against everything she thinks is right! I have no tolerance for this and I feel the same about porn. It does nothing but exploit and demean women. I just feel sorry for these girls because they think so little of themselves that they feel they need to resort to that! I want my boys to grow up knowing that women are strong, confident and should ALWAYS be respected. And you are right that is not the example I would like to set for them.
You should read them an develop your own opinion. Then write a blog ost about how it made you feel! 🙂 The story does move on from the bondage, as the main character changes. The love story gets better in the book and the journey is about the girl trying to help understand why he likes those things. It does get repetitive after awhile, but I still found it hard to put down. I really feel like its more of a love story than a bondage porn book, like some make it out to be. But like I said, I think you should read it (or all three, because the other 2 are better) and let us know how you feel!
It is hard to really judge the book without reading it firsthand, but I just don’t know if I feel right about it. I respect others (like you) who have given good reasons as to why they read it, but just not sure it’s for me. We’ll see!
I read your blog daily and this is the second best topic you have written about!!! Your first being your adoption:) All of my friends have been reading this book, me on the other hand, can’t seem to read it. I have a perfectly happy relationship with my husband. I sorta of feel like I would be cheating on him if I was to read it. Just my opinion:) I know that girls say that the love story is best in book 2 but I will just stick with my love story in real life:)
Wow, thank you! So glad you are a daily reader!! Truly appreciate it! I have also heard that book 2 & 3 are more of a love story…maybe I should skip book 1 and just read 2 & 3. I don’t know! AHHH! Thanks for your input!
I read all 3 books out of curiosity… Honestly, I NEVER read books – EVER. I was so intrigued by all the comments from TV, facebook, twitter… I found myself picking up the 1st book when I saw it on sale at the grocery store.
It wasn’t until I finished the last book & logged into the internet to see what others thought that my guilt crept in… I have a wonderful relationship with my savior -SO WHY- didn’t I stop & think there is something wrong with this?? I had been praying and praying for a specific miracle in my life & here I was opening this other door. I do not think God would “punish” me for any of my sins – but I do believe that I allowed something “dark” to creep in my life.
Very interesting perspective! Thank you for sharing!! I am like you and rarely read books! But, you are so right, EVERYONE is talking about it so how can you not want to pick it up and read it, right? You should not feel guilty…if you feel like it let dark slip in to your life then you should just pray about it! 🙂
Great post! I also think you have answered your question with your hesitation. 😉
Thanks Destiny! I think you are correct! And I don’t think I would want to say to my small group “hey, I read 50 Shades”. 🙂
Ha! Read a mystery..so more interesting!
I usually don’t even enjoy reading all that much (unless it’s blogs), but the hype is what got me all wondering if I should read 50 Shades. Maybe you need to suggest a good mystery book? Ha!
Ok. I am so glad you wrote this! I am actually in the middle of a draft of a similar “unpopular” post on this topic with some Magic Mike added in the mix. Do you care if I link to your post within my post on this next week?
I think you are so right on this subject. I don’t understand the hype around these books. When they initially came out, I thought about buying them, but then I read what they were about and said no. I think there are many people who can read the books and not think a thing about them, but there are others who may not have good relationships, are easily influenced, and are looking for “something” and these/Magic Mike can be a gateway to things that just aren’t good. More on that in my post next week. Thank you for your stance!
I don’t mind at all! I can’t wait to read your post! Let me know when you publish it!
I have run into the SAME issue!!!! I’m so intrigued by the hype and my curiosity is way up… but I really feel it would not be beneficial for me to read. Most of my friends have read it… but I’ve decided that #1- it would hurt my husband if I were to read it and #2- If I don’t feel comfortable with EVERYONE in my life knowing that I read it, than I shouldn’t read it. Hope that helps! I really enjoyed your post. Very non- judgmental…
Thank you! I am glad it came off as non-judgmental! Thanks for you input and you can definitely link to me!
As a matter of fact… your words were so eloquent… If I could have your permission… I would love to link this blog post to my blog.
I didn’t read all the previous comments so forgive me if I’m being redundant…stick to your guns, I caved and read it and it was awful! My hubby and I have a great sex life and this book did nothing for me, I don’t understand why women find this book so arousing. There was a great article on marriagemissions.com about what’s acceptable in marriage and sex and the bible. After reading it, I felt much better. To me, reading that article was a million times more “freeing” than 50 shades was.
Interesting! I haven’t heard too many people say that it didn’t do anything for their sex life. Without reading it myself, I agree though and don’t see how BDSM would do much for my sex life with my husband! Thanks for your comment!
goodness, i have read all three and honestly i haven’t put
much thought into it. i really just looked at it as a fictional love story. yes, the first book is VERY intense but i didn’t lust after any character or any other man at that. i will say it may have added a little spark into my life. me and my husband have a great relationship with the Lord. it’s really just your on conviction. no different than drinking or not drinking (and we do not drink) or watching certain movies. it did not make me have any unpure thoughts it just made me curious….curious why he done such things. there is a great story in it. but we all are convicted in different ways. you go with what God is telling you!
Woo hoo…someone else who doesn’t drink! Haha! People think I am so weird for not drinking so it is nice to hear of other people who don’t either! Not that I have anything against people who do (my hubby does occasionally), but it’s nice to not feel like I am an outcast! I completely agree that it is no different than watching R rated movies, but I honestly never thought about that until someone commented earlier on that subject. I watch R rated movies without hesitation so why is this book any different. If I want to honor God than I should strive to do so in all aspects of my life. You know?