This is a post that I don’t want to write. I have a feeling it won’t make me popular. And after all, isn’t being the “most popular” blogger what really feels good?
Let’s be honest. It does.
I can sit here and lie to you and tell you that I don’t care if I get comments and I don’t care if other people read my blog. I could even lie and say that I write ONLY for me. Or that I don’t get offended when certain bloggers ignore me or won’t follow me back on twitter.
But, as a Christian, lying doesn’t get you far. At least not in God’s eyes.
The truth is…I write this blog for many reasons. Yes, one of them is for me, but MANY more of them are for YOU. I want readers. I want comments. I want to be popular.
Call it human nature. Call it being a woman. Call it what you will. I like to call it the truth.
All of this fuss about “blog rules” really has me thinking. Since when did the king of the internet create blog rules? In fact, isn’t that what is so enticing about the internet? There are no rules.
I think what it comes down to is judgement. Everyone has an opinion on “how” they think people should run their blogs. It’s so easy to judge others and say “Well, I would NEVER do a giveaway on my blog”…or…”How dare she disclose how much money she makes”…or “Can you believe she doesn’t reply to every comment she gets”…
Trust me. I’m guilty as charged. I find myself “judging” other blogs all of the time. I am no better than you.
But you know what we should be doing instead of judging? We should be supporting one another. We will all be judged one day…and it won’t be by any fellow blogging friends. I think we tend to lose sight of that. Don’t you?
And while we are on the subject of “all things NOT popular” can we talk about “50 Shades”?
Yes, “50 Shades of Grey”.
*Did she just go there? Why, yes she did.
I’m not writing this because I am trying to start a huge debate. I’m writing it because I am truly conflicted.
I think every friend I know has read it.
I own the book. I bought it off Amazon about 4 weeks ago.
Every part of me wants to read it. I want to see what the big hype is. Why every living woman thinks this book is the best thing since sliced bread.
But, then, there is this very HUGE part of me that doesn’t want to read it. And before you go thinking I am judging YOU for reading it let me say this…
Everyone has their OWN opinion. Their OWN beliefs and their OWN reasons. If you are OK with reading it and, in your heart, you were not conflicted then that is fine with me. I do not think ANY less of you.
I am just trying to decipher how I {ME not YOU} really feel about it.
*You read that right? I am not saying “YOU” should feel a certain way.” I am saying “this is how I feel.”
You may or may not agree with me. And that is ok.
After all, when was the last time that someone was argued into being saved by Christ? Never.
OK, so let’s talk about a few things, shall we?
I’ve been told that this book talks a lot about…
- Bondage “tying, binding, or restraining a person for the sexual, aesthetic, and/or psychological pleasure of the parties involved.“
- Dominance “the state that exists when one person or group has power over another.“
- Sadism “derivation of pleasure as a result of inflicting pain or watching pain inflicted on others.“
- Masochism “the receiving of pleasure—often sexual—from acts involving the infliction or reception of pain or humiliation.“
It is classified as erotic literature. In case you need me to define that too…
“fictional and factual stories and accounts of human sexual relationships which have the power to or are intended to arouse the reader sexually.”
Can we agree that most of those things are not okay? Tell me we can at least agree on that.
Is reading about it in a book really any different? God created sex to be a partnership that’s fueled by love not pain and humiliation. It seems to me that this book not only misuses sex, but it redefines it into something hurtful and evil.
If the tables were turned, and my husband was going crazy over the male equivalent of “50 Shades”, posting about it on Facebook and Twitter, do you think I would be mortified? You can give that a big fat yes. I don’t care if all of his other friends were doing it. Last time I checked…if all your other friends were jumping off a cliff, would you jump too?! No!
In fact, if I’m being uber-honest here…I have been in previous relationships where porn was an issue. Do you know how that made me feel? Not so lovely. In fact, I was very hurt.
But then there is the part of me that hears this…
“The book is just descriptive writing.”
“You must read this book because it will do crazy things for your sex drive.”
“There actually is a really good plot/story line despite all the sex.”
“50 Shades of Grey made me want to jump my husband and swing from the ceiling fan.”
I like to think that my husband and I have a pretty great sex life {TMI}, but who doesn’t like the idea of a “better sex drive”? And when my friend told me it made her want to “swing from the ceiling fan”…I thought to myself…NOTHING has ever made me want to swing from the ceiling fan. Maybe I need to read this.
But do you know what I want more than to go swinging from my ceiling fan {which I’m pretty sure would not hold me anyway}?
I want to honor God.
If I were standing in church being asked if I read this book…what would I want my answer to be? Or if I were at the feet of Jesus being asked this very question, what would I want to say? Would I be willing to admit to my small group that I jumped on the bandwagon and read “50 Shades”?
And just because pornography is accepted in society doesn’t mean that Christian women should accept it. We are called to be different.
So the conflict in my heart remains…is it sin or not to read “50 Shades of Grey”?
Tell me what you think…gently.
Mandy,
Ok I had these exact same thoughts when trying to decide to read them or not to?? I did finally cave and read the books with my hubbys ok, but to be honest I wish I hadn’t. Once I started they were very addictive and I didn’t want to put them down. Once I had read them all I felt ashamed to be very honest. I didn’t want to tell anyone I had read them and at that moment I knew it was wrong.
Now do I think i am going to go to hell for reading them of course not, but scripture is very clear about being in the world and not of it, and also not filling your head with sinful lust and content. That is exactly what the books are for sure!!! So I am not going to say read them or don’t read them but I feel like I was wrong for reading them and was not proud of it at the end 🙁
Ang
I think what I keep going back to you is would I want to admit to my church pastor/friends/small group that I read this book. The answer is no. So, for me, if I feel like I have to hide it then I probably shouldn’t read it. I appreciate your input because I know how strong you are in your faith! Thanks for commenting!
I have heard the book is not fit to read from someone I respect. I want to read love not sex.
Thanks for your input!
me or my hubby don’t drink. we’re like you we don’t judge by NO means but it’s just personal. we are the outcast at times but that’s ok..lol!!
i watch rated R movies and that’s kinda what i compared it to. the book
didn’t affect my thoughts or mind. so i guess that’s why i didn’t think a lot about it.
i read a lot and i read all the hunger games and i struggled more with that because of kids killing kids…but then again it was fictional and it intrigued me.
so i think it’s completely personal and between you and God.
thanks for replying!!:)
I’m not a blogger nor do I usually sit down long enough to read posts (small “always” moving problem;) but I really enjoyed this one!! My life has changed by Gods grace alone since you and I knew each other in college. And I completely feel convicted that I am to honor my Lord, respect my husband and raise our children to be disciples of the word. It’s hard sometimes to go against the grain when “all your girlfriends” are reading it. But like you said, being a Christian makes you different and can be difficult when we’re constantly surrounded by the flesh. I praise you for standing up for Christ and writing about it!! I pray that your words of truth guide those who don’t know Christ to their salvation and for those who are in love with Him, Thank You for the encouraging words!!!!
Thank you for commenting Jamie! Especially since you do not usually read blogs! I appreciate your input! Isn’t it funny to think back on college and remember where we worked and then think about our lives now?!? Haha! Not that we were strippers by any means, but that restaurant wasn’t necessarily the healthiest place for a female to be! LOL! I am so grateful that I became a Christian and I often wonder how I made it through all those years without being one! Good to hear you are doing so well! Love to see your pics on FB!
Oh girl, it’s crazy!! I have no right to judge anyone for reading a book especially when I look back at my college days…and to think that I thought I had it more together than others that I worked with!! WRONG!!! I do enjoy your fb posts/blogs and God Bless you for being so honest in a society where most feel like they have to hide their lives in hopes to look perfect. Lets face it, children = craziness;) please tell your parents hi for me, I absolutely adored seeing them. They are two of the sweetest people!!!
Dying at all the comments 🙂 I read the books…loved the books. I never once would have felt guilty for telling anyone that I read the books because I am a Christian. It has had no effect on how I live my life. If anything it explains how people end up in an alternate lifestyle (in the bedroom) because of his backstory. Look at it as entertainment. Will agree with others that it kind of gets repetitive…I kind of found myself saying, “really…they are having a sex AGAIN???” ha ha ha ha. Plus there is plenty of “vanilla” sex in it too 🙂 ha ha ha. GO READ!!!!!
I think I have read too many opinions on the book itself and that is what initially gave me the hesitation. Plus, I am not a huge reader so if I am going to invest time in to a book…I want it to be worth it! Haha! I am hearing mixed views! I loved your input! Thanks!
Proud, proud, proud of you for this my friend! I am also riding the wave of “shades” hype with both Christian and non-Christian friends. Porn, written or viewed rapes the mind. Period. Male or female – and it truly saddens me the new societal double standard that is emerging, permitting women the openness for “anything goes”. Thank you for pointing out if this were a male series or shall we say if ” Magic Mike” were male oriented we both know the publicity wave would be much different. We are in a battle constantly over the hearts and minds of our sons and fathers, God give us grace to keep our daughters and ourselves out of this muck. Love you for this!!!
Thank you Amy! Truly appreciate your input! It really helps make me feel like I am not a complete lunatic for thinking the way that I do! Really glad you commented and couldn’t agree with you more!
Mandy, this is a great post! I love your honesty, your non-judgy writing style while still making me think. I didn’t really care to read this book, but thought it was fun to talk about with girlfriends. Especially about going to see Magic Mike! It seems like unless it’s true porn, we watch rated R and maybe wouldn’t have thought twice about seeing a mindless movie with hot guy actors. But you’re right – we would be hurt if our hubbies went clammoring to go see Striptease or some other flick filled with nearly naked women. Thanks for your refreshing outlook!
@dianegatorfan
Thank you so much for your comment! I am glad it came across as non-judgy…because that was my intent. Thank you for saying that! I agree, I would be so hurt if my husband was going ga-ga over Striptease or the Victoria Secret Fashion Show! One of the reasons that it made me stop and think about it to begin with.
good topic- i am also not interested in spending that time devoted to something that seems kinda “fleshy” i think that if it wont affect you then see what its about but if it will leave an imprint then skip it- I have to admit I am very interested in seeing magic mike because i think channing tatum and the other actors are good- im not interested in the sex scenes if any- i am interested in the plot but to me the book seems more pornographic in nature- but i have to remember above all things- Gods grace is always there for me- and he has judged all sin in his son- so i don’t let shame or regret hold on to me too long as i remember jesus’ sacrifice…
“if it will leave an imprint then skip it” Very good advice! I really liked the way you said that! Thanks for your comment!
I think that you have to do what’s right for you. I am a Christian and I read the books.I gave my husband the background story and I told him everything that I had heard about the books before I decided to actually read them. He was okay with it and so was I. I know that if he or I was uncomfortable with the books I would not have read them out of respect for him, myself, and our marriage. Honestly, I didn’t like the BDSM parts of the trilogy {I have a friend that read them before me, and she suggested I skim or skip those parts all together, so that’s what I did}. I did like the love story that played out in books 2 & 3. Go with your gut! I love that you wrote this post! Thank you for sharing your heart on this controversial topic!
I think that is really great that you and your husband talked about it before you read it! That shows the respect that you have for one another! I think you have a good point about possibly reading, but skipping the BDSM parts. I never really thought about doing that. Thanks for your input!
I’ve seen similar posts to this one, and I will say, I absolutely agree. It isn’t about your taste…what you can “handle,” etc. If you are a Christian, you need to look at what honors God…and this is not it.
Well said. 🙂
Very true! Would I ask Jesus to be in my “50 Shades” book club? Probably not! That should answer my question, huh?! Haha! Thanks for your input!
Heee. I think I would ask him to be in my 50 Shades book club. Can you imagine the dialogue?
I read your post thinking, “I’m so darn proud of her!!” You could easily just join the crowd, that would be the easy way. Christ has called us to the narrow road, it’s not always easy or popular but it’s the best one.
Love you girl and you are awesome!!!!
Cyndi
I love you Cyndi Spivey! Thank you for saying that you are proud of me! That means a lot! I look up to you in so many ways for your strong stance on your faith! Being a newer Christian I find it refreshing to have women like you in blogland…people who are constantly living their life to honor God! You rock lady! I hope I can be more like you!
Good for you! I’ve not read the book, but, like you, have heard many stories about it and many interpretations of how people feel about it. I have friends who have read it, and I think no less or no more of them due to their choice.
The bottom line is that we have to be true to our own personal ideas of what is good for us physically, emotionally, and spiritually. No one else lives in our skin or occupies our mind, so making choices based on someone else’s belief system would just be silly.
I am not perfect (good grief, wouldn’t that be boring?!), I just try to make the best choices for ME each day. Everyone’s choices are different, and I really believe it supposed to be that way. Life would be quite bland if we were all the same. 🙂
So, again, good for you for making choices based on your beliefs and for having the courage to share them with others.
Thank you for your comment!! Truly appreciated!
Don’t bother, it’s just an erotic literature book that randomly got popular despite it being around for a long time. It doesn’t have a true story line, it’s like reading porn on the internet. Saaame thing.
Mandy,
I too believe Christians were called to be set apart from the world, not to blend into the shadows but a light shining on a hill. So much comes down to our Individual relationship w/ Christ & the conviction of the Holy Spirit. Some Christians drink & smoke w/ out any conviction. For others, its a real stumbling block. Paul said in 1 Cor 10:23, “Everything is permissible, but not everything is beneficial.” The book is a form of pornography and I don’t want anyone turning me on but my husband, that’s like fantasy adultery. It may take some relationships to the next level, but what if your sex fails to measure up to the images you’ve created in your mind from the book, or what if you have to gradute to a new level of bondage, S&M, & erotica once this wears off? The enemy will always try & put a substitute out there for anything that God has for us. In my humble (and I’m sure very unpopular opinion) that’s what’s happening here. God created sex to be a beautiful union between a husband & wife, and erotica robs the marriage bed of real true love making, emotionally and physically.
Thank you for the comment Darla! I would say I agree wholeheartedly that it is all about our individual relationship with Christ. Well said!
I totally agree. I’ve toyed with the same thoughts you did and just had my turn come up at the library for it. Truthfully I’m so glad I was out of town and wasn’t able to pick it up. Between 50 Shades and Magic Mike right now it is no wonder that women are struggling with porn more and more these days.
Thanks for your comment Lauren!
I was glad to stumble across your blog today and see this as your most recent posting. It has really been on my mind lately as well. I will not read the book and I will not go see Magic Mike….like you said, very unpopular opinion to many I am sure. However, like you, I want to honor God and please him. I believe that “trash in = trash out”. I don’t want to fill my mind with garbage. A friend of mine at work read it (she asked my opinion before hand, but she decided to read it). She started having dreams about having sex with “old boyfriends”. Trash in = trash out. We as Christian women must be careful at what we expose ourselves to. The devil wants for any point of entry to create a foothold. Stay strong sister in Christ. We may be in the world, but we are not of it. The bible says that we are a peculiar people. Love in Christ!
“We may be in the world, but we are not of it.” Love the truth in that. Thanks for you input!
As a Christian, it’s a struggle every single day to live for the Lord to the best of my ability. I don’t need more hurdles to try to keep my mind pure for Him. I’ve always told my children…whatever garbage you let into your mind/ears…garbage is what will come back out….whether in thoughts or deeds. This world is a sinful place. I wouldn’t want my children seeing a book like that in my home. I want to emulate Christ and more than anything…I want my children to follow Him too. Are we different? Yes. As I’ve told my children while growing up….we are different from the world….a peculiar people…..we will always stand out….but I’d rather please my Lord and Savior than care what the world thinks.
Great points! There is definitely a lot of garbage in this world and it’s a constant struggle to keep out of it. Thanks for your comment!
Hi Mandy, Thx for your post. I appreciate your honesty and I’m sure God is smiling down on your choice. 🙂 I will be honest… I had never even heard of “50 Shades” before I read about it on Beneath my Heart blog. And now that I know about it, I like you…. will choose the less popular way to go and not read it. Being a Christian isnt’ about doing what’s popular, it’s about doing what God says and the Bible. Thx sooo much for standing for what’s right!!! 🙂 Blessings!
Oh my goodness! You would not have heard the name of that book on my blog! ACK! It must have been another blog. I do not own that book and never will. 🙂 Read my comment to Mandy below.
I recently posted a comment on facebook about Magic Mike and this book and had some mixed reviews. All of the comments were positive but I did receive a few personal messages that were not.
I was intrigued. I wanted to read it. I’m with you- after 10 years of marriage, a little help in the bedroom doesn’t seem like a bad thing! But that quiet voice told me it was a slippery slope and one that I could not easily come back from. So I made that choice. And I think I did the right thing for me. And I think you are doing the right thing as well. Popular or not, we are called to a different, higher standard. Blessings to you!
I can definitely relate to that! I knew I would have some people who would not understand what I was trying to express…and I did receive a few negative responses. But, for the most part, people have been respectful (on both sides of the fence) and for that I am grateful. 🙂 Thanks for your input!
dang! this is such an honest and amazing explanation of this book and your feelings about it. I’d be lying if i didn’t have some of the same thoughts, but in the end realized it wasn’t something i wanted to put in my brain. i’m proud of you for saying what many others don’t have the guts to say and following what you feel in your heart to be right!
xoxo
Thanks Linda! I was hoping that people would not take this post as “judging” and I am very glad I posted it. I don’t read much anyway so when I do I tend to really contemplate what it is I am reading. I decided that my next book needs to be the Bible…from front to back because I have yet to read the whole thing. UGH!
I’ve been fighting the same battle with this book. I REALLY want to read it just to see what all the hype is all about! But, I my faith is holding me back. I know porn is wrong in God’s eye’s, so why would it be ok for me to read about it? I can say after reading this post I have decided to not read a book, I know is wrong just because everyone else is doing it! Thank you!
Do what feels right in your heart! After all the comments I have realized that I have to stay true to how I feel, not anyone else. So glad you commented!
I applaud you for this post! It’s definitely not a popular response to the book or the movie, but I think as Christian women, we do need to stay away from it! Could we watch the movie or read the book with Jesus in the room with us? If He came to our home to visit, would we have to hide the book because we were too embarrassed for Him to see it? I believe that just because the world says something is acceptable or ok, doesn’t always mean it is. As you said, we are called to be set-apart. Great post!
That is the view I took on it too…would we invite Jesus to our “50 Shades” book club? Haha! Not so much. Thanks for your input!
Mandy, I LOVE THIS POST!!!
I am so very proud of you for having the guts to write what many of us are thinking but are too scared to say. The scripture that keeps coming to my mind is, “Finally, brothers (and sisters), whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things.” Phil 4:8
I ask myself about 50 Shades, is it noble? right? pure? lovely? admirable? excellent? Praiseworthy?
I would have to answer NO to all those things. Then I do not want to “think about such things.”
That is MY conviction.
Love you, girl. You have inspired me. 🙂
Thank you Traci! LOVE that scripture…I just wrote it on my planner! So very true! You and Cyndi inspire me everyday. I spent the entire night a few nights ago reading about your mom (I even visited her blog). I cried and cried because I could see what a wonderful relationship you all had and what a amazing mother she was! Thanks for your comment…it means A LOT! XOXO
This is my first time visiting your blog… and this post made me smile. Like you, I have bought the book, but for one reason or another haven’t read it. I really appreciate your Christian perspective– I wasn’t really thinking that way.
I was just thinking about what a turn off a lot of the book was about. I started to skim it on my book reader then thought, “Why am I even going here?” I can’t justify spending time alone and reading this book. I’d rather read something uplifting/inspirational/witty.
Anyway, great post. I am looking forward to your vlog linkups– sounds fun! 🙂
Thanks so much for the comment and so glad you found my blog! I will definitely go check out The Stanfield Clan! Would love to have you for the vlog link up!!
Hi Mandy,
First, let me say that I completely respect your opinion and right to feel the way you feel. I just wanted to offer my perspective as a Christian who has read and enjoyed all three Fifty Shades books.
Deciding to read the books was a non-issue for me. If I had an internal moral debate about whether I object to the content of every piece of art, music, literature or film I encountered, I would never go anywhere, read anything or see any movies! I simply view pieces of entertainment as just that … and not something that could ever shake my beliefs. I’m grateful that my faith is that secure, so I can read a book and then go on with my life exactly as it was before, without being changed or shaken. And personally, I think there are books with far more sinful content. Didn’t Emily Griffin write a book glamorizing an adulterous affair? Plenty of Christian girls read that book without blinking. What’s so different? And this book isn’t even adulterous! It’s simply a book about a completely monogamous (eventually married!) relationship between two completely consenting adults that just happen to be into some kinky things. It’s unfortunate that people, especially those who haven’t read it, are making it out to be more than that (and implying that Christianity and Fifty Shades are mutually exclusive).
If you decide to read, I look forward to reading your thoughts! No judgment either way here.
Hi Kristin! I really think you make some great points! I love hearing both sides of spectrum when it comes to the great ole “50 Shades” debate. 🙂 One of the things that may make it harder for me is that I am a newer Christian. You made a great point about “I’m grateful that my faith is secure” and sometimes I feel like I have so much to learn in the world of Christianity that if I am not careful I could easily fall astray. I definitely do not think anyone who reads it is less of a Christian. I do think it is all about personal preference. To be honest, I don’t read very many books (in fact I can’t remember the last time I finished a book front to back) so when I do get the chance to read one…I tend to overanalyze everything. Haha! I really appreciate your take on it and thanks so much for commenting!
Oh, goodness! I certainly hope I didn’t imply that I think I’m perfect Christian. Everyone makes mistakes, no matter how long you’ve been a believer. What I meant was that there’s no way a novel could make me either lose faith in God or love for my husband. If you think a book could do either of those things, you’re right – it’s probably best to avoid it. 🙂
No, I knew exactly what you meant. I didn’t think you were saying that at all. 🙂
I haven’t read the book, but isn’t the main female character in 50 Shades single? Ok, so that is fornication, that is a sin in Gods eyes. Her NOT being an adulterer is totally irrelevant to this book. Fornication is the issue. God hates sin. Our bodies are out temples and if married our bodies are for our spouses, period.
Would I want Jesus sitting with me in a cozy chair if I read the book? No. But, He IS always with me, so if I were to read the book He would be with me. I wouldn’t want to face Him on judgment day and Him ask how much more reading this book was over the Bible. When I read I am very picky. The Word comes first and what follows should be nothing that goes against Gods Word.
I would not want to grieve my heavenly Father or dishonor my husband and marriage by reading the book or watching the movie. My husband would be upset if I were to fill my mind with unholy matter just as I wouldn’t want him to be immersed in porn of any kind. I agree with the trash in=trash out description. If I fill my mind with things of God I can then be a true disciple for Him. If I fill my mind with trash it will dilute the message of the cross and affect my testimony and my effectiveness for the Lord.
I have a very curious 8 year old and any time I read anything I often find him skimming the contents when I lay it down – or we read together just hanging out. I know that I am guided by Christ’s love and grace but I also think “I am a mom of 3 and how would they feel if they knew I was reading about this stuff. Would I encourage them to follow in my footsteps? Is there anything honoring God in the book?” If the answer is no, then I skip it. Thanks for being honest and putting this “out there”.
Coming in late to the game, but I read the first book and found it to be a total waste of time. Not so much the content (which, in my opinion, was simply meh), but also because the writing is terrible, the characters are terrible, and the plot is terrible. Christian or not, in my opinion, it’s a waste of time. If you want to be inspired in the bedroom, talk to your husband. If you want to try being tied up, tell him. If you want to lift your libido, and reading erotica does that, then read the book or a myriad of others that run along the same vein. Or research some authors in the romance genre who write some really good romance/sex scenes that revolve around two characters’ mutual respect and love. I wouldn’t say it’s a christian vs. non-christian issue. You are an adult. You know your relationship with your God. You know what you like and what you don’t in terms of popular culture. If you want to read it, then read it. If you’re opposed to bondage and SM and dom/sub lifestyles, and the twee and repeated use of the term “my inner goddess,” then don’t. I will warn you that there is a certain bathroom scene that takes place in Georgia (I think) that you can’t unread. That scene was officially the end of the series for me.
Preach it, sister. I totally agree, although the swinging from the ceiling fan thing does sound intriguing. But then again mine would just bust and spew drywall dust everywhere and I’d have to clean up that mess, too … and buy a new ceiling fan.
I actually heard that the series of books was boring and after the first book, they all seemed the same. Sorry, I wouldn’t waste my time on it. Time is too precious to me right now. Most of the friends I have that have read it don’t have small children or are single ladies…I think that says alot right there…
I have no desire to read it. I’d rather read some sort of parenting book…Lord knows I need help in that area sometimes!
I know, right. My time would probably be better spent reading a parenting book! Good point! LOL!
This is a great topic. I have been really surprised at how popular this book is!! I read the first one, and it is true, it will definitely up your desire for your partner!! That said, it is written kind of poorly, like a cheap romance novel, and the main part of the first book involves a lot of sex and yes there is some “bondage” and these people aren’t married. However, as a married woman most (if not all) are things we have experienced and reading about them in this book did not seem wrong. I do think they are private things within a relationship. Also, I will admit that my husband blurted out at a family gathering that I was reading this book and I was mortified!! lol
I have heard that despite all the “sex scenes” the writing is not so good. I don’t usually get a whole lot of free time to read so when I do…I am picky about what I choose! Ha!Thanks for your input!
Let me being by stating that Hunter Ceiling fans when mounted well have amazing strength….do not try that at my house and do not blame me for any injuries or damage to the home. That being said you KNOW I read them all…in 8 days..LOL! I think that the book is getting a negative rap. There are steamy intimate scenes very vividly described BUT there is a story there and it also deals with child abuse, molestation and some other heavier issues. The book actually made me think about victims of child abuse and how that does affect their perception of love and pain and their views on intimacy and sexuality. That being said I have NEVER read a book that did not have some sin in it…lies, sex, murder, well….you know em. LOL! I mean what would you read?…the Bible itself is full of sin! Whose autobiography isn’t sinful?…what about People? Would this then filter over into television?….no reality tv would be allowed…what about “The Bachelorette”? Is it really OK to be kissing and what not with a group of men? What about the baby she had out of wedlock?….is that Christian? I am only saying that to say that censorship using Christianity is a tricky and dangerous affair. Who would be reading and policing what’s ok for Christians to read?….and then what does that sound like?….Ahhhhhhhhhh good ole censorship which is often used as a means to control. Not to mention censorship is a KEY element in communisom. Now my brain hurts woman! Just read the darn books! Then come back and tell us your feelings on it AND then we can read the Bible. 🙂 That book has lots of killing and sex in it.
Being should be BEGIN!! :0) Don’t judge me on my typo.
You crack me up! I love how in depth you go in this comment…even taking it all the way to communism! You know that I love you…and what I love most about you is that you always have an opinion! My kind of girl! I thought that you would like that I included your “swinging from the ceiling fan” comment. 🙂 Ralph is a lucky man! LOL!
AND one more thing….there are less than ten sex scenes in the book…lasting a few pages each..I used the number ten for the person who is going to go and count them BUT for some reason I want to think it is probably actually around five MAYBE. It really isnt that much sex in the book so I find it odd that some people can not get beyond those scenes. It makes me give them a funny look when I ask about other parts of the book and they can’t seem to recount any of those issues. LOL!!
DYING right now over this comment! I can see you asking your patients about the other parts of the book and your patients (whom are all so smart and lovely – ahem) just staring at you, like “this book had a story line?” HAHA!
I totally agree with everything you said……I love to read and I was VERY intrigued when I began to hear all the “50 shades” hype. I always try to research a book a bit before I read it, and when I read what it was about, I knew immediately, that it wasn’t for me. Words like “erotic”, “bondage”, “domination”, are not really things that I see as Christ-honoring. I just knew in my heart, that if I am to honor God in EVERYTHING, then I shouldn’t read this book. We are not supposed to conform to the things of this world as Christians, and that includes “50 Shades of Grey”. Continue to stand strong & God Bless!
Thanks so much for your comment! I would have to say that I sometimes struggle to honor God in everything…but I’m trying to do better! As followers of Jesus, isn’t that what really matters? That we are trying to live according to His word! Great input that you gave!
I popped over here from your fireplace makeover link at TDC and stumbled across this post, so I am late to the party! I do, however, feel very strongly about the 50 Shades fad after recently completing the trilogy, so I had to chime in! I will say straight out that I am not Christian, so I had no moral qualms about reading the series; I hesitated for the simple fact that while I am okay with reading books that have some erotic content as a part of their overall plot, I am generally not interested in reading erotic lit. My BFF hounded me to read them because she absolutely LOVES the main characters and idealizes their relationship, and I finally gave in. I was apalled by the content of the books. I consider myself a feminist, and I feel like the relationship portrayed by the books is very abusive and oppressing. This isn’t a reflection of the BDSM; I think consenting adults can do whatever floats their boat and that those relationships can be healthy. It had to do with how the relationship was implemented, and how Christian’s domineering made Ana feel most of the time. He wanted to control her work, her friendships, her exercise routine, even what she wore and what she ate. I’m disturbed that my BFF finds their relationship healthy. Whenever Christian gets mad, he admits to Ana how badly he wants to beat her to make her obey him. The books DID begin to pick up more content as the trilogy progressed, but still every few pages I started flipping just because the sex was so repetitive and got so old. 90% of the sex could be cut out, the plot could be contained to a single novel, and in my opinion it would still be a terrible read because all it describes is a relationship where a child abuse victim is propagating the cycle by oppressing the woman he supposedly loves, and her feelings of inadequecy lead her to stay with him despite the abuse.
Hi! THanks for your comment! I actually just read your post on the book and I think that is the most detail I have read on the actual story-line. It does sound quite messed up! Most people have been dwelling on the “sex” as the bad part, but I think you are right…it sounds like their relationship was very unhealthy. Appreciate your input!
Ok. Here we go.
Books are written all the time. It’s art on a page. I am a Christian and like to think I live as one, but when it comes to these types of debates people tend to lean towards thinking I am and do not. I’ve read the books. I enjoyed the books. I do not personally feel as though it is a sin. Many women have said things like why read something that would make you want from someone other than the hubby? Or these books could sway your belief in Christ. My answer is always the same:
“if the words on a page can sway you from God or turn you away from your marriage than your not that strong of a Christian and if a book can turn you from your spouse, your marriage is not very strong”.
That’s my input. 🙂 judge if you want, just my opinion. The books are about trust, love, and change. Really aren’t that bad; explicit yes. Bad, no. We all watch R rated movies which contain a lot worse than sex. Are we not Christian because we watched Pretty Woman? Umm, no.
I guess I can honestly say that I don’t actually read much…so when I do, I tend to overanalyze my choices and make sure it will be worth my time. It takes me FOREVER to finish a book (good or not – I just don’t have time). I don’t think that anything (including 50 Shades) could make me turn from my spouse or God. I am very confident in my relationship with both. But, I do wonder if I would invite Jesus to my 50 Shades book club? Or announce at church that I read the book? Probably not. Haha! I think you have a point…not sure I’d ask Jesus to come to movie night if it were an R rated movie either.
No judging here girl! I think it’s personal preference! Thanks for your input!
I enjoyed reading your input about this book. I completely agree with what you said. I choose not to read the book or go see the movie “Magic Mike” because I wanted to lead a Godly example and because I thought (just like you did) that if the tables were turned and my hubby wanted to go see a movie with a bunch of naked women I would be HIGHLY upset! I agree that a increase in my sex drive would be awesome but really is there that much difference in reading a erotic book and watching porn? I totally disagree with watching porn so I figure reading a book that creates the “porn” images within my mind isn’t something I should be willing to allow for myself either. Yes, I know that there are a lot of others things that I allow in my life or mind that probably doesn’t set the example that God would like me to and I should work on that…but I feel that saying “no” to this book and movie put a smile on Jesus’s face and one less dissappoint that I give God is enough for me!
I really like your comment…in fact it might be my favorite one out of all of them! Very well said!
Being agnostic I understand I don’t fully grasp your conflict. I’m sure your relationship with God is way more in depth than I’ll ever understand. I can however see how it would be at the top of the list on importance to you.
Having read all three books I think people who haven’t read them believe they are far worse than they really are. I’m married (11 years) and have 5 kids. I honestly got bored with the sex scenes in the book and would tend to skip through them. My opinion on if you should read them would be no for 2 reasons. You are conflicted so why do it if you’re not sure about it. You could end up regretting it and dealing with feelings of guilt for going against your gut…. and they are poorly written. You’re not really missing anything anyway. My mistake was starting the first book. I’m tend to be a touch OCD and if I start a book I have to finish it even if I hate it. In this case I had to read 3 of them!
In my not so humble opinion if you are looking for a read that is worth your time these books are not it!
Thank you for blogging about this! I am conflicted too! I did read the 1st book – out of curiosity. Found it disturbing – kept thinking it is equal to porn – meant to arouse and stimulate. And I believe porn is wrong. The story line was weak and the writing not very good. It did not make me want to read any further. In hindsight, I wish I had not read it. Have many Christian friends who have read it and vigorously defend the storyline. That’s their choice but I feel their defense seems to be aimed more at themselves in trying to say it’s Ok to read these books.
Maybe the question is: If you are reading these books at the time of the arrival of Jesus- would He approve?
I appreciate your view on this, I can’t help but whole-heartedly agree with you. It’s heart wrenching to me that this is the society that our children are growing up in. The new hype about both 50 Shades of Gray and Magic Mike is troubling, it seems that pornography for women is on the rise. I’m so glad to see people like you speaking out against it. Thanks for your blog post.
Hello! After finding your beautiful home pictures on pinterest, I am a new follower!
I am agnostic but I believe that 50 Shades walks the line of porn/infidelity. I thought your statement about your husband reading and posting about a book like 50 Shades was perfect. I am curious why so many people are in love with the books, but I myself will not be reading them. I was happy to see someone discuss this because I was starting to feel like the only one that hasn’t jumped on the bandwagon.
Anyways, I love your blog! Check out mine! shabbysheikhdiaries.blogspot.com
I appreciate your honesty however, as a Christian wife (recently widowed), I know that if I found my husband reading a book with all of those topics with a reasoning of “increasing our sex drive” or “it’s just descriptive writing” I would be incredibly hurt and offended. There are plenty of Christian authors who write on the topic of sexual intimacy in a marriage and if/when a couple decides that is needed, it is a mutual decision.
Just a little note, from a personal opinion of a christian who has constantly struggled with one thing or another. Women don’t want men to look at porn, and most of the christian society agrees it’s immoral. Most women are not as interested in pictures or videos as they are in erotic stories. They are incredibly popular with christian women. Are we being hypocrites? I’m sorry, but I believe that YES WE ARE. Here’s why: in general, men are turned on visually. Pictures, ogling girls walking around, etc. is what turns them on. For women (again in general), what turns us on is the fantasy. Emotions, scenarios, these are the things that turn us on. “The devastatingly handsome rugged man walked in from the pouring rain and shrugged off his coat, to reveal a broad muscular chest.” Yeah that sounds pretty spicy! But this is what WOMEN crave, not men. Literature, in general, is the more desirable form of porn for most women. There are many studies to back up this truth in the difference of the male and female brain. So yeah, 50 Shades? I’d say not even one.
I dont know how I ended up on your blog but I am so glad I did. I was on pinterest and I clicked on a picture of a bedroom and came across the subject 50 shades so I had to read. I was conflicted on reading this book as well. I had the same feelings that you do. But I caved. Not proud of this decision now as though I feel I did not set an example of God. I wont lie I was so into the book. I have people picked out in my mind that I want to play the characters if it becomes a movie. Which I know will be a battle waged in my mind whether I should go see or not. I know the answer is no I should not. I just wanted to say thank you for putting it in a way I understand and props to you for being strong enough in your faith to say no.
I also found your website via pinterest. I hadn’t heard of the book until a few weeks ago and have since heard women at work discussing if they should read it or not. They also seem to be saying “I shouldn’t read it… but maybe?”
As a God fearing woman the answer for me is a simple no … I would prefer to fill my mind and time with things that are lovely, noble and pure (Philippians 4:8).
I appreciate how you included in your discussion how would “Us” Women feel if the situation were flipped and our husbands were reading something like this!
Years ago I read a book by Joshua Harris called “Not Even a Hint!” I don’t remember much of it now but immediately thought of it after reading your post! The title is based off of Ephesians 5:3!
Thank you for putting this post up for the world to see…. I think it’s important for people to stop and think about a decision before pop culture pulls one along on the ride. Stay strong 🙂
Just found your blog! Throw that book away and don’t give in to the temptation to see what the hype is. I have a feeling you’d be upset with yourself for reading it.
Thank you so much for posting and being honest! I have heard about this book, but didn’t know what to think of it. I also want to honor the Lord above all else and am grateful for women like you who take a stand for morality. I would rather be writing God’s Word on the tablet of my heart than reading this…
Hi five to you girl! I have been so troubled by this book and all the buzz as well as the buzz from the Magic Mike movie and neither of these will I be participating in, My hubby is a youth pastor and our high school and college youth struggle with porn so much nowadays I truly believe it is an epidemic and it breaks my heart that women think this is ok because they are women, yet as you stated if your hubby and all other men were talking about reading a book like this based on women or going to see a stripper movie based on women we would all be outraged! Porn is a very hush hush topic still even though it is so hugely accepted by society but for some reason women seem to justify it in print because they aren’t hiding in their rooms in secret to read it like men tend to do with porn on the internet. Books and movies like the above mentioned will cause our minds to yearn for things we do not have and should not desire, make your husbands your sexual priority and discuss with them realistic ways to satisfy you without having to pick up what you see in an unrealistic book or movie. We have to separate ourselves from the world and this is a huge area where we need to start, thank you so much for addressing this,
Wow…finally, someone who feels the same way I do. I put in my heart that if i was feeling so conflicted just thinking about reading it, than it wasn’t for me. And yes, I know people who have read it, and friends tell me all the time i should read it, but I don’t feel peace in my heart. So I don’t. I just rather be in peace with God and myself. At the end on the day, Gods opinion is much more important to me than anyone elses. Thank you for having the courage to post this. xoxo — Faby (by the way, I LOVE your blog)
I’m so glad you wrote this, how encouraging that you stopped and made an informed decision before jumping into the next “big thing”. I myself had no idea what 50 Shades of Grey was, so what did I do? Looked it up on the ever reliable Wikipedia lol!
I know that some people don’t feel convicted about things of this nature but for me personally, it was all-together out of the question. The books have basically been described as literary porn and that is something that I feel is entirely destructive. Just ONE of the reasons pornographic material is so destructive is because that information is stored in the area of the brain that addictions are stored, it’s something that can take over and destroy lives and relationships. I’ve had friends who have struggled with these kinds of issues over the years and I’ve seen how it affects those around them and it can be especially devastating to a spouse or significant other (whether they let you know or not).
Ephesians 5:1-12 kind of summed it up and made my decision for me, and don’t get me wrong I fall short of making the righteous or Christ-like decisions all the time but I’m thankful that I researched before I jumped on the bandwagon and I’m encouraged to hear that you did too.
Fight the good fight.