The task of taking three boys to the doctor’s office all at one time should be defined as “art”.
It ain’t easy yo’.
Take one? No problem.
Take two? Do-able.
Take three? I outta just schedule myself a therapy appointment while we are there.
What is it about grouping three boys together that makes them act as if they were never taught how to behave in public? I feel like this is true not just for doctor’s visits, but anywhere we go with all three. Together.
I feel like I’m constantly saying, “I swear, I teach them manners.”
But y’all, little boys forget all about those manners the second we are unleashed at the pediatrician’s office.
Take the hand sanitizer for example, or “hanitizer” as my little guy calls it.
Instead of using the hand sanitizer like normal little boys, they want to make it rain hanitizer.
Then they want to take a bath in it because… “Mooooooom, we are durty. We need keen.”
#Lordhelpme
Not to mention, everything is funny. Like e-v-e-r-y-t-h-i-n-g.
Especially the pee-pee check. And the piggy check.
Even the heart rate check is funny when your brothers are there.
Holy laughter.
Sometimes raising boys is like raising wild tigers. Especially when it comes to unpredictability.
One second they are telling secrets and loving on each other.
The next second? Someone is hauling off and punching someone.
I’m pretty sure girls don’t just haul off and throw punches, am I wrong girl-moms?
I do want to say that I think that when you have one VERY spirited child in the mix… it changes the entire dynamic of the group.
And our little SJ is quite the spirited boy. To say the least.
What I have learned about going places with all three boys is that I will absolutely never judge you as a mom. Never.
If I see you in public and your kid is getting naked in the grocery store, screaming in a restaurant or getting his tantrum on in the physician’s waiting room… let’s be friends.
Because one thing is certain, I feel yo’ pain.
Maybe your children are very cooperative and you have no clue what I speak of when I say “getting naked in the frozen food aisle”. If so, be thankful.
Temperament is not something you can change in a child. When they are strong-willed and defiant by DNA, you will have a harder time parenting them.
I do agree that sometimes a child’s behavior is because of a parenting fail. And don’t get me wrong, I don’t think I’m a parenting superstar. I definitely have my faults. But I do know that my older two boys are “compliant” as I like to call it. The youngest one? Not so much.
I’ve done nothing different. In fact, I’ve tried all different kinds of teaching when it comes to him. Nothing seems to change the fact that he is non-compliant by nature.
What we can do, as moms and as women, is build each other up. Support each other instead of judge.
You might read something I post and think, “Geez, my kid would NEVER be caught dead doing something so dumb.”
Or how about this response, “I’d lock my kid in his room and never let him out if he did something like that.”
I hear these things from people all of the time. People who think they are helping me by telling me they’d never let their kid so something mine just did. That is not help.
That is judgement.
You are essentially saying that what my kid did or did not do was a reflection of my ability to be a good mom. And that is a lie.
Sometimes that statement might not be a lie. There are bad moms in this world.
But I know that I refuse to feed into the lies that his temperament is because of something I did wrong.
I want you to know that if you have a spirited child. A strong-willed child. A defiant child. You are not alone.
And most importantly, it’s not your fault.
The best thing you can do is learn and research how to handle spirited children. They don’t always respond to the cookie cutter parenting techniques.
If you want a great resource, I have absolutely LOVED diving into this book: Raising Your Spirited Child.
The first chapter had me going, “Oh my gosh, this is so my child.” And every chapter after I keep repeating that same thing.
We got this mamas… New grey hairs and all!
I love this post ! I’m a mom to 3 boys too ! ANd I worked at Boys Town here in Nebraska for years and saw the best of parents needing help with their children after they had tried everything under the sun ! Thanks for sharing 🙂
I am not a parent, but I have been a mentor to a teen girl, a foster sister, and a nanny. From my observations… though strong willed children can be SO FRUSTRATING for the parents, because they just don’t want to listen… often times, I feel like strong willed children grow up to be world changers. Dr. Martin Luther King Jr. – Strong willed. Ghandi – Strong willed. Mother Theresa – Strong willed. Margaret Thatcher – Strong willed. It may be painful now, but I can only imagine what amazing work your little boy will grow up to do. 🙂
This is so inspiring!!! Fabulous thought!
Daine,
You are so sweet and inspiring sharing this! Maybe my crazyyy boys will be world changers too!
I love this post Mandy! I immediately bought that book when you posted it on Instagram a few weeks ago. I too have been diving into it. My middle child (age 4, girl) is my spirited one. And I often wondered if it was something I did wrong. Her sister (age 7) is such an easy child. And I also have a son (age 2) that is so easy going. It’s such a shocker how her personality and strong-will is so challenging compared to the other two. I would go to bed each night thinking I was such a failure of a mom. That book is very insightful and I can’t thank you enough for sharing it with us. It’s also so encouraging to know that I’m not alone in my struggle to raise my spirited child.
Julie, Isn’t the book so great??!! It’s been so insightful and helpful to how we parent our boys!
I have a spirited son who is now 14. Believe me it wasn’t easy as we were going thru a divorce when he was in first grade. I would always blame myself & compare my kids to other kids. I had a friend who gave me the best advice ever..YOU know your child and no one can parent him like you!! I still hold on to those words. Hang in there Mandy, no one can parent SJ like you!! He is gonna be an AMAZING man.
Belinda,
Great advise…. a wise friend always knows best!
Love this article, Landon is, as I’m sure you well know, “non-compliant” by nature. Sometimes it’s hard when EVERYONE is telling you how hard headed he is, to know that your doing all that you can.
I am mama to two little boys and my oldest one is my strong-willed, spirited child. I recently took both my boys to the ped for their well checks (their birthdays are 3 years and 12 days apart). Never again! It was torture for me (and the doctor and nurse too I’m sure). It’s nice to know I’m not alone in my struggle.
I’m having my 4th, a girl. I have 2 boys and a girl. In general I have found it is more about a child’s temperment then their sex. My oldest boy would never hit, just not his nature. My daughter does. My third–oh my he challenges me. I love them all so much.
I love reading your stories and seeing your photos. And, just about every time, I think, “SJ and Grace (my 3 yr old daughter) would be the BEST of friends.” I’m sure they would be holy terrors, if ever brought together, but man would they have fun.
Sandy,
Thank you so much for following and reading along!
Many years ago Focus on the Family published s book by Dr. James Dobson called The Strong Willed Child. It’s been a great resource for many Christian moms everywhere. I hope this can be another resource for you.
Debbie,
I will have to check it out! Thank you for sharing!
You can tell your children are loved and it’s beautiful to see and read about. I plan on 3 one day and I look forward to the challenge! 😉
Oh Mandy, I feel as though your youngest and my middle child (boy, 2y 9mo) may be kindred spirits!! My eldest boy was so laid back but now, at almost 5, he and his brother are not an easy combo AT ALL! But, my spirited child is the antagonist for sure. I now have a beautiful 5mo old daughter in the mix who, so far, is so placid and easy going (but as my sister and I were far more non compliant than my brother, I am not holding my breath!!) Thank you for the reminder that he’s not naughty, difficult, or hard work. He is non-compliant, spirited, and an adventurous challenge 🙂 Lord, give us mamas the grace we need to parent these kids we love but whom You love even more! Amen! Xxx
I LOVE the “be thankful if your child has never gotten naked in the frozen food aisle” comment! Literally choked on my coffee laughing when I read it :-). My 3 boys are older now, so I have some 20/20 on the crazy/maddening/wonderful/mortifying/glorious days of boyhood. (Although in full disclosure, I still say “Be kind. Be kind.Be kind to each other!” at least 7 times a day- every day) My middle boy was the one who made me pull my hair out. Now at 15, those days that would make me cry in the car in the parking lot are long gone (grocery store trips were the worst!).Some kiddos need more time to “gel” and he was one of them. At times it will feel like you are shoveling in a blizzard, but don’t stop shoveling!!One day, you will all laugh about these crazy times <3
They are adorable though, so that has to count for something…right!? I feel yo pain too, but with two little girls. My girls generally will act sweet in public, at first, then the little one (4) will let it all go and slug the big one(8) and it’s on! They will go into full on beast mode. I often say the same thing, “I swear I teach them manners” along with “Girls! Act like ladies!” to no avail. sigh…
You and I NEED to be best friends….girl, I can completely 1000% relate to this post and all the shenanigans our spirited boys can pull off—-I’ve got 2 of em’! We can hang in there together and go gray one hour at a time 🙂
Mandi,
Hahaha. I somedays feel like my boys are making me turn grey by the hour!
YAS MAMA!!! My son is a spitfire! He just is… nothing I do can change him. I feel the judgements of mothers who don’t have a child like him too. He has helped to teach me so much as a result though. Soldier on lady! haha