As the holidays quickly approach I can’t help but be reminded that we are still just a family of five.
I thought for sure by now? We would be complete. Our family of six…living happily ever after.
I thought for sure the kids would wake up Christmas morning and we would not only be celebrating the birth of Jesus, but also celebrating the fact that we no longer have to wonder who will complete our family.
We wouldn’t have to long see their face. Or wonder if they will like Power Rangers or Barbie Dolls. We wouldn’t wonder if they were old enough to walk or talk or tell us all about their favorite super hero. We wouldn’t wonder if their room would be pink or blue. Or if they like to sneak cookies like their brothers.
We wouldn’t wonder if they were being properly cared for or if they felt alone or forgotten. Our hearts wouldn’t break wondering if they longed for a forever family.
We wouldn’t wonder because they would wake up Christmas morning right next to us.
But God’s plans are often not our own.
I’m learning that almost on a daily basis these days. And while I want to feel hurt and angry (like I did here) that it’s taking so long for us to hear any news on our child…I know His purpose is greater.
There are so many times that I wonder, “When? When will we be complete? When will you send us our child Lord? When? When? When? Will it be tomorrow? Or next month? Or will we have to wait longer?”
It’s so hard not knowing. But it’s teaching me so much about the God that we serve. Because even though I don’t know any of the answers? I’m confident He does. And I’m trusting that His ways are better planned than mine will ever be.
I like to think of it like this…
If someone could see your future, your ENTIRE life and know how it was going to go? Would you trust them to lead you? Would you trust that they know things that you never will?
The answer for me is YES.
That one thing? Keeps me going.
Because I know God knows. He sees. He has planned. And I know nothing.
I know He can make the decision for me better than I can make it for myself.
When I think back about how I pictured my life to be?
It didn’t involve being a mom of boys. It didn’t involve adopting a child. It didn’t involve enjoying sports and hiking and pretending to be a Ninja Turtle.
It didn’t involve picking out super hero Christmas gifts or decorating rooms in blue.
It didn’t involve being married to a man who fiercely runs after Jesus.
But that’s the wonderful thing about not knowing what the future ever holds because if God would have let ME choose?
I could have never made it this good.
I’m so incredibly thankful for a God who has provided for me what I never knew I even needed. And I’m reminded that He hasn’t failed me yet. Not once.
It gives me great hope to know that, although I feel impatient, I trust Him with the timing. And if it’s not tomorrow? Then it’s not.
Because He sees things I never will.
Read more about our adoption here.
This is so beautiful! Here’s hoping your family receives its new addition in the new year.
Fingers crossed!
you know, I just said that 2 weeks ago. I am so thankful for prayers I didn’t pray and the blessings I got anyway.! I never thought I would have any kids and I have birth to baby # 3 in June.! .. never thought I would stay home- look at me 😉 … I can’t wait to see what the future holds! …. there is a child that can’t wait to be part of your family, just as you are. !
Mother’s day and Christmas seem to be my personal imaginary “deadlines”. Which of course make the holidays the hardest to sit through while waiting. I pray both of our families don’t have to wait through another one of these holidays. Of course I must admit in these times of waiting I tend to grow closer to God.
Oh Mandy, this is beautiful and so honest. I think this is such an amazing thing about adopting, God has called you to loved one of his own as yours. So amazing. I can only imagine how the waiting has been on your heart, but you’re so right God’s plan and timing is so perfect. And much better than our own.
I go back and forth between being heartbroken for you and uplifted by your words. You’re absolutely right: God’s plan is way better than anything we could come up with… but it is hard to accept some days. Praying for you and your whole family, especially that part you haven’t met yet.
Mandy,
I totally resonate with your post. We’re waiting for our son {and possibly daughter, as well – eekk!} from South Africa to come home. We’re in transition as we’re in-process of moving our family of 5 across the country. The adoption is temporarily on-hold until we can have our home study updated to reflect all of our new information. I’m so thankful that God does know, that He does have us in the palm of His hands. That even in those moments where I look around frantically wondering where my “fourth child” is…He knows. He knows exactly when that fourth child needs to come into our family. The wait is hard, girl. It’s crazy too, right? Excited to see how both of our stories will unfold!
Much Love,
Laura
Patience is one of the hardest virtues to master and I feel this post really does it justice. The longing for what you do not have creates impatience. But you appreciate what you do have and you know that soon, your family will be filled with one more voice.
Love this! It’s such a good reminder. I admire you for being able to remember DURING the waiting. Usually it’s so much easier to remember & appreciate AFTER the fact. God bless you!
Wonderful post. It is always so hard to patiently wait for what we want when it seems like forever and we do not know for sure when it will happen, if it will happen or if there will be some type of road block in the way. God is good and letting him control our future is necessary but hard because we all want to try to control what happens ourselves even though he has always been in control of it anyway. Prayers to you from a fellow Christian that your future family addition will come soon and that day will be more than worth the wait!
Obviously, God knows best which is why you don’t hav the baby
Mandy, my heart hurts for you guys. We’ve been there too. Your attitude and trust in God are exactly the mentality you have to have to get through the long, long wait. Every day I look at Holden and am amazed that God brought us together. I believe in that for your family too. This Christmas was our very first with all 3 of us together – our son home from India and Daddy home from deployment. Praying that next Christmas you’ll feel that same joy.
Another video from us that will lift your spirits, I hope! https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZVkYmkYL1Is